I am going to have a full-on shout.

AMERICAN AIRLINES - DO NOT SEND ME EMAILS WITH A PICTURE OF NEW YORK SAYING "WHERE WOULD YOU LOVE TO BE THIS VALENTINE'S?", YOU BASTARDS!!!

And, a happy shout.

THE SEASON OF ANTM JUST FINISHED WHERE WHITNEY (ugh! beeyotch) WON. I THOUGHT THE NEW SERIES OF BRITAIN'S NTM WOULD BE STARTING NEXT BUT - NO! TONIGHT, IN 20 MINUTES NO LESS, THE NEW SERIES OF ANTM BEGINS! THE ONE WITH THE GENDER SWAP CONTESTANT. NO SPOILERS!

YAAAY! ANTM WITHDRAWAL IS OVER. AND PROJECT RUNWAY IS ALSO ON THIS WEDNESDAY, WITH ONLY TWO EPISODES GONE AND LOTS MORE CLOTHESY FUN AHEAD.

Honest to God, I am quite a serious person but I do love trashy 'task + elimination' shows.

SO I SHOW UP AT THE WAREHOUSE AT 10 THIS MORNING, LIKE THEY ASKED, AND THE BOSS YELLS AT ME FOR NOT ANSWERING MY PHONE WHEN SHE CALLED 5 MINUTES AGO, SOME GUYS WERE TAKING A VAN OUT AND I COULD'VE HAD A RIDE INSTEAD OF A TEN MINUTE WALK, AND I SAID, NO BIG DEAL, I'M HERE, AND SHE ASKED WHY I DIDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE. MAYBE I DIDN'T HEAR IT, I SUGGEST, AND SHE SAYS "MAYBE YOU NEED A DIFFERENT PHONE, ONE YOU CAN HEAR, ESPECIALLY IN YOUR SITUATION." LIKE, I'M POOR, BUT DON'T CONDESCEND TO ME, BUT I NEED THE WORK, SO I JUST SAID, "YOU'RE RIGHT," AND SHE WOULDN'T LET IT GO, SO I SAID, "YOU'RE RIGHT, AS ALWAYS," AND SHE GOT ALL MAD AND SAID SHE WASN'T ALWAYS RIGHT BUT SHE WAS THIS TIME, AND I SAID I'D JUST WAIT OUTSIDE FOR THE VAN TO GET BACK, WHICH HER LACKEY SAID WOULD BE TEN MINUTES.

I WAITED FOR FORTY FIVE MINUTES OUT IN THE COLD AND IT WAS BETTER COMPANY THAN AN OLD LADY IN A SOUR MOOD -- I DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST HER SINCE PEOPLE OFTEN GET A LITTLE RUDE IN THEIR DOTAGE -- ESPECIALLY AFTER I GOT COFFEE LIGHT AND SWEET AT ROSIE'S AND FOUND A WARM SUNNY SPOT ON THE CORNER, BUT THE VAN NEVER SHOWED UP AND I WENT HOME. THEN I GOT A CALL FROM THE LACKEY, WHERE ARE YOU, HUGH, THEY'RE READY TO GO, AT ABOUT A QUARTER TO TWELVE. I WALKED FAST AND THEY JUST THOUGHT I'D GONE AROUND THE CORNER OR SOMETHING. THANK GOD I DIDN'T STAND OUTSIDE THAT WHOLE TIME.

ANYWAY, I GOT THREE HOURS' WORK MOVING FURNITURE TODAY, AND THEY MAY WANT MORE OUT OF ME BEFORE NIGHTFALL. THE LACKEY ASKED IF I ATE, SAID I SHOULD GO TO ROSIE'S BECAUSE MY LANDLADY WAS THERE, I COULD GET LUNCH. I ASKED IF HE KNEW WHETHER SHE WAS PAYING. HE DIDN'T KNOW, SO I CAME HOME FOR LUNCH.

THE GUY DRIVING THE VAN WAS AN OLD THEATER FRIEND OF MINE; WE GOT REACQUAINTED AND BOUNCED SOME IDEAS OFF EACH OTHER, BOTH OF US ARE IN NO-CAREER JOBLESS PREDICAMENTS. BUT THIS KIND OFDAY LABOR, PAID UNDER THE TABLE, DOESN'T COUNT AGAINST UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS, WHICH I'LL BE RECEIVING STARTING NEXT WEEK, AND IF I CAN KEEP TUTORING MY NEIGHBORS ON WEEKENDS I MAY BE ABLE TO MAKE A LIVING BEING UNEMPLOYED, IF I WORK MY ASS OFF AT IT. DELICIOUS!

ME: MY CAT DRIPPED ANAL LEAKAGE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

CAT: THAT MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GOD DAMN FUCKING BATH, GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKER. I'M GONNA JUMP ON HIS FUCKING HEAD ALL NIGHT LONG.

I HAVE A COWORKER WITH THE MOST ANNOYING ACCENT/VOCAL CADENCE IN THE UNIVERSE! AND I CAN'T AVOID HER VOICE!



AND EWWWWWWWWWWWW ANAL LEAKAGE

STAV, THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING!

Sounds like the cat emptied his anal glands. They do that when they're angry or stressed. It's light brown, looks like diarrhoea, but has this horrible yeasty stench to it.

I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU:

TEMPORARY CROWN.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT WHEN I SMELLED IT. ANAL GLAND EXPLOSION!

As soon as we got to anal leakage with the feline, I knew I had very little to contribute.

Hugh-sounds like you're making it work. Good for you.

My shouty-I'M SICK OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BS FROM FOLKS WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GROWNUPS. ALSO, COWORKERS WHO DRAG THEMSELVES TO WORK WHEN THEY HAVE THE FLU SHOULD BE DOCKED VACATIONS DAYS WHEN THEIR OFFICE MATES COME DOWN SICK!

I could start. But I'm afraid I'd run out of webpage...

*whuffles crappy day people, puts shot of whisky in Hugh's coffee*

STAVROGIN, STOP FEEDING YOUR CAT SNACKS MADE WITH OLESTRA! OR BE PREPARED FOR ORANGE STAINING!

I JUST WOKE UP FROM AN EXHAUSTED KIP TO A FIT OF COUGHING! NOT AGAIN! GO AWAY, COLD, FOR THE LAST TIME!

GOOD IDEA ON THE SPIKED COFFEE, ELIZARD. MAYBE I'LL MAKE MYSELF A HOT WATER WITH HONEY, LEMON AND WHISKEY. ALL I HAVE AROUND TO MAKE IT WITH IS A BALVENIE DOUBLE-WOOD 12 YEAR OLD; SWEET LUXURY!

I AM STILL SICK. I HAVE BEEN SICK SINCE THURSDAY AND REALLY SICK SINCE SATURDAY AND I DIDN'T MAKE IT TO WORK TODAY AND I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BE THERE AT LEAST HALF THE DAY TOMORROW BUT SINCE ALL I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS IS LIE IN BED AND MOAN AND GO THROUGH A TRACTOR TRAILER LOAD OF KLEENEX I DON'T SEE HOW THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. NOTHING HELPS AND MY HEAD HURTS AND I CAN'T STAND THIS ONE MORE MINUTE.

I WENT INTO THE OFFICE DEPOT TO GET A PICTURE PRINT OF A FREAKING SQUIRREL IN THE PARK THAT SWIPED MY APPLE WHEN I WASN'T LOOKING AND TOOK IT UP THE TREE AND ATE IT RIGHT THERE IN THE DAMN TREE AND THE PICTURE PRINT MACHINES WERE BOTH BROKEN AND I WANTED TO GET A POUND OF CHICLE GUM BUT WAS MAD AND DECIDED NOT TO AND NOW I DON'T HAVE THE PICTURE TO MAIL TO MY GRAM OF THE SQUIRREL AND I DON'T HAVE ANY DAMN CHICLE GUM TO CALM MY SUGAR JONES SYNDROM.

But the Home Depot credited me for the CRAPPY MASONARY DRILL BIT THAT TURNED TO SLAG AFTER DRILLING INTO ONE FARKING BRICK and they actually apologized and said they must have gotten a bad batch because they have had a lot returned so i didn't feel so bad about returning the CRAPTASTIC $3 CHINA DRILL BIT i should have went to SEARS AND BOUGHT AMERICAN. So I bought a (new) pair of 1/8 normal bits MADE IN AMERICA POR SUPUESTO COMO SIEMPRE that will work just fine for drilling brick and stuff.

So that is my unvocalized shoutfest for the day.

NO WHISPERING HERE!

TODAY I FOUND OUT A JOB WHERE I WORK THAT WOULD HAVE KEPT ME EMPLOYED FOR NINE MONTHS MAGICALLY DISAPPEARED OVER THE WEEKEND AND NO ONE IN HR IS SAYING BOO.

NO "WE FILLED IT" OR "THEY SCOTCHED IT" OR "IT'S BEEN DELAYED" - JUST NOTHING.

I KNOW THIS BECAUSE WHEN MY AGENCY CALLED TO FOLLOW UP ON MY BID, THEY WERE TOLD THAT THE ONLY JOB AVAILABLE SUDDENLY IS THIS DIPSHIT HELP DESK ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION THAT WOULD DOCK ME TEN DOLLARS IN PAY AND ONLY GOES FOR 12 WEEKS.

I ALSO KNOW THIS BECAUSE SOME PERSON I'VE NEVER SPOKEN TO AT MY AGENCY CALLED ME TO DELIVER THIS NEWS.

WHAT BOTHERS ME MOST IS I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT RESPONSIBLE FOR ALLOWING MY CAREER TO WITHER TO THIS POINT.

SO I WENT TO THE GYM AND DID FORTY-FIVE MINUTES OF CARDIO, THEN A FULL AB WORKOUT, THEN DID THREE SETS OF 100 LB. TRICEPS CURLS UNTIL THE BALANCE BETWEEN HATING BUREAUCRACIES AND FEELING ZEN WAS PERFECT.

GODDAMNIT, STEMOTHER, HOW CAN YOU STILL BE MAKING MY LIFE UNPLEASANT WHEN I'M NOT EVEN IN THE SAME PROVINCE? MUST YOU ADHERE TO STEREOTYPE SO RELIGIOUSLY? I SWEAR YOU HAVE GOTTEN ALL THE ENERGY AND SPACE IN MY BRAIN THAT YOU'RE GONNA GET. THAT'S IT. FOR REALS. GO AWAY.

buzzman, I hope you know that you need to post the squirrel pictures here. The consequences of not doing so ... well, I wouldn't like to say.

WE HAD AN OPEN HOUSE/ALL-DAY BUFFET/VIEWING PARTY YESTERDAY FOR THE FELLA'S BIRTHDAY, STARTING AT NOON AND ENDING SOMETIME AFTER MIDNIGHT. WHAT A TREAT TO SEE EVERYONE, AND WHAT FUN, BUT I AM PLUMB TUCKERED OUT TODAY.

MY BACK HURTS. MY NECK HURTS. MY HAND HURTS (NO DOUBT FROM THE COOKING, CHOPPING, WINE-OPENING, AND ESPRESSO-PULLING). MY CRAMPY, TWITCHY LEGS HURT. MY INSTEP HURTS! MY HEAD, AMAZINGLY, DOES NOT HURT. MY BACK (DID I MENTION?) HURTS.

HOLY CATS, IT WAS FUN.