boo, didn't get a job. that I applied for. It's amazing how fragile my confidence is.→[More:]

Bunnies, I keep quiet about a lot of what's going on in my head because I am afraid of what other people will think,. and because I think there's a lot of peer pressure to give the appearance of positivity, upbeat-ness, if not having yourself together then at least getting yourself there.

I sit and look at the confident, with-it, together people here and I wonder if they have that little kernel of white-hot fear inside them, and if they admit it to anyone.

Well, I have that kernel inside myself, and it's always going to be there. I'm resolved to be more honest with my friends about that, including here.. although I will be careful not to upset the apple-cart of the site, as it were. But I think my life will be healthier if I'm more honest and realistic with people, and talking about reality is one of the ways I'm best equipped to process it.

In that vein, I'd like to make some positive comments about bunnyfire, with respect to the mods and everyone and understanding that it might not be the most welcome thing right now - but I missed the discussion yesterday and hope it's not overstepping some bounds to say my say here.

Bunnyfire is one of the people whose posts I have most enjoyed here. I really loved her Mccain/Palin posts - not because I agree with her politics, but because of the sense of joy she gets from participating in the ground level campaigning. I do the same here in Scotland, and it's really wonderful and fun, and reading her posts about this stuff makes me really happy and really excited about doing my own political work.

I also remember the really great posts about her debates with her family about her biracial grandson, and the positive work she did there. This reminds me that not everyone agrees with me and has iron-clad ideology or what have you - but that good ideas often come slowly, one at a time, a family at a time, a kitchen table at a time, a mug of tea at a time.

I have also really enjoyed her posts about faith and church life, which have encouraged me in my own faith.

Bunnyfire also was really supportive of me when I was really, really depressed and posting a lot about that here. I remember she said something once about her own struggle with mental illness and how she decided that nobody's opinion but God's mattered. I remember that and think of it every day. Thanks for that, bunnyfire.

I have learned to try to marginalise negativity and to rejoice in positivity and good behaviours from people.. and so while I have disliked some of the politics posts she's done, I remember them less and remember, more, the times when she has enthusiastically engaged with people. I bet she hasn't directly engaged more 'cuz she was afraid of group condemnation - I am afraid of the same thing, even though I am an activist, and my response (cowardly) is not to post much about politics anymore. Nobody emerges from a sea or a rock whole and pure and able to be consistent in every moment - people work towards the selves they want to be.. So I see bunnyfire as working towards that self, and forgive her for the times when she isn't that self, and am patient with her about it.

I don't like some of the comments made towards her, either, but forgive those too.

I hope she comes back soon - she's a great part of the site.