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14 October 2008

A single drop of blood on my tongue, and I'm a carnivore again. This is RelationshipBehaviorFilter.

[More:]I have been adoring my life over the past eight months. Terrific friends, job, art, social life, nature time, exercise. I've been happily thriving in the face of any negative socioeconomic indicator you'd care to mention, with seemingly not a single worldly or spiritual need unfulfilled.

Then, in a night of joyous abandon out with friends, I meet a boy. As a person, he seems like the real deal: happy, spiritually compatible, intellectually curious, and generally a good egg. I'm not really looking for a relationship, so I proceed a bit at arm's length, but boy then demonstrates his Spidey-sized ability to scale my emotional walls, and I give in a little. Four or five really swell dates speed by, but then one slightly awkward one doesn't, and we get speedbumped. Four or five days have now passed with a threadbare amount of contact.

You know that moment when people start to fill in around the edges a bit and go from "Object Of Fun & Desire" to "Complex Human Being"? That just happened. Nothing that's a deal-breaker, but I'm definitely at that moment where I have to decide if I really want to know what's behind Door Number Two.

Life has continued as normal in all other respects, but I'm a little vexed that I now find myself vacillating between simply enjoying the moments as they come or thinking, "Damn it, where's __________ to enjoy [random cool thing] too?"

(This isn't really about looking for a Solution to my predicament, but I do wonder how many of us hard-to-impress types nonetheless demonstrate a fierce heart under the right circumstances.)
"Hard-to-impress" isn't a statement directed at the world. It's something we tell ourselves to convince ourselves that we're invulnerable to all that shit.

We are lying.
posted by mudpuppie 14 October | 23:16
i'm not sure what fierce heart is meant to mean here, but i do know about the kind of the moment you mean.
You wanna keep him? i hope there's nothing you have to decide Right Now.
posted by ethylene 14 October | 23:18
Hm, yeah. Reminds me of when I met my husband, right after I'd sworn off men. I realized he had me when I was at a party and I started wishing I were with him instead. I think the more closely you guard your heart, the more vulnerable you really are when you DO let someone past those walls.
posted by desjardins 15 October | 00:18
Ok, I'll be the curmudgeon here and say . . .

that when you have those moments where you ask "Damn it, where's __________ to enjoy [random cool thing] too," try to let it be a statement about the good times you've already shared, and not a wish for the future. That doesn't mean you all don't share a future (or present) together. It's just that the past isn't necessarily a good predictor of how either your or he will feel in the future.
posted by treepour 15 October | 01:01
treepour, yes. It is a great lesson in presence.
posted by mykescipark 15 October | 02:58
Pack of dogs split open Florida alligator || Duck.