My inspiration for this is that I told my trainer tonight I have a tipped uterus. I thought this might possibly factor into my "dumb butt" problem. She didn't know what it was, and kinda had a TMI reaction.
It's not a condition, just a fact. Like being left-handed. 90% of uteruses curve or tip slightly forwards, mine tips slightly backwards. Big whoop, note it on the chart and move on.
My best friend and I used to follow people. A couple could walk out of a cafe, get into their car, and we would follow them and make up an elaborate story of how they met, where they were going, etc. It was an adventure. It wasn't creepy. At least not to us. Strange, but not creepy. As soon as they reached their destination we kept on driving.
Whenever I am at the computer at home, I am usually half-dressed. I come in the room to undress or dress, get halfway, and then realize that SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT might have happened on the internet and I stop the process and poke around online for half an hour.
Time to put pjs the rest of the way on...
I accidentaly popped a big zit on my left cheekbone today and spent the better part of an hour sopping the flow with tissues. I added a crater to my face, but you cant polish a turd, as they say, so what the hell. It's also tough to look 'professional' swabbing bloody oil of your face, but the homeless guys didn't seem to mind.
I have been taking the cat outside to brush her, because I use a rubber brush that tends to kick up a major cloud of cat fur. I then pick up the bits of cat fur that land in my yard and toss them over the fence into my neighbors' yard, because they have a hella annoying dog that tends to bark entirely too early in the morning (also their yard is a mess and I doubt they'll notice the extra fur).
I once was in the room while my mother (who is a 'lactation consultant') had to, well, milk my aunt (her sister) to clear her blocked milk ducts. Awkward.
I had to stop donating blood as whenever I did I would start throwing up and needed oxygen. Sometimes I threw up over the boy I had a crush on.
My toe turned black once - the base of the toe had a whole chunk of flesh die, and turned into the biggest squeeze fest ever. Pus was oooozing out. I actually secretly enjoyed this for several reasons - it was more satisfying than popping the biggest pimple - and it was hella dramatic and allowed me to lie around in bed all day in hospital for a week, reading, and being waited on hand and foot.
I've been scratching the hell out of the back of my knee for about two years now. I finally found out it's an anxiety condition. (well, now it is anyway). At the worst point I had open sores over a four inch square.
Now the skin is a little reddish and still kind of scaly.
I was in college, back home over the holidays, and I was driving around with my brother. There was a postal truck going the other way, and I saw it and sung out "MAIL TRUCK! MAIL TRUCK! WOOO WOOOOO!" for absolutely no reason at all. We found this very funny and so both of us began doing it any time we saw a mail truck.
A few years later I was working as a tour guide in Venice, and I was leading my group between stops, and I looked out onto the Grand Canal and saw the postal boat, and so, in front of a group of 20 paying tourists, I spontaneously sang out, "Mail boat! Mail boat! WOO WOOOO!"
(On the plus side, my general tourguide shtick was "Wacky American girl who had obviously been in the Drama Club in high school," so I'm not sure they even really noticed.)
OK, I wouldn't share this otherwise but it sort of meshes with the lactation theme?
When I'm more depressed than usual, I have a hard time looking people in the eye. Sometimes this means I, uh, accidentally look more in the chest area on a woman than the face area. I'm really not even focusing when I do this. It happened at the grocery store Tuesday -- I turned a corner, made eye contact with a woman I almost crashed into (hey, I was on the "right" and she was on the "left", sheesh), and immediately went back to hangdog as we passed. She pulled her arms across her breasts and clucked at me loudly. That was the first time I realized I'd done it again.
After having my firstborn (who was a month early), my milk came in the day after we left the hospital. For whatever reason, my son would not nurse on the ..ahem..left side. (For what it's worth, I am large bosomed to begin with). So when the milk came in, let's just say it took on the size of a volleyball and the tautness of a football. I looked a bit uneven. To say the least.
(Problem was finally solved with tears and the "football hold". For those who don't know, you cradle the baby like a football, with the feet behind you, to nurse.) I still remember the pain!
Jonathanstrange reminded me of the time I got blood poisoning in my right elbow. (Don't know how.) The swelling went above my elbow, about halfway up, down to halfway to my wrist, and my elbow itself was stretched tight. My doctor told me to go home, wrap the elbow in a warm, wet towel, wrap the towel in plastic, then apply a hot heating pad. The moist heat would pop the infection, and the pus would ooze out. If I bent my elbow (very painful in the beginning), it was like watching a PlayDoh press. Gross, but entertaining nonetheless.
Yay! I seem to have spawned tonnes of embarrassing information!
I have one last one - actually this was the same aunt that I mentioned above, different baby though.
She was feeding him at a cafe and talking away, obviously not really looking at the bub, when the man sitting next to her tapped her on her shoulder and said "Er, excuse me, but you appear to be leaking on me"
She looked down, and because the milk was coming in so fast Max had stopped drinking, and the milk was GUSHING all over the guy next door.
I don't think I could imagine anything more embarrassing!