MetaChat - Quick Help! Dating advice

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17 April 2008

Quick Help! Dating advice Ok, so I am going on a 2nd date tonight with a guy I like, and he picked a restaurant where there are not a lot of vegetarian options.
I don't know what to say! I like that he picked a time and place, and I don't want to be too picky or pushy early on. Especially because on the first date, I nixed a bar he chose because it was going to be smoky.

What to I write back? Suck it up? Say no thanks and offer another option? Tell him to pick somewhere else?

post by: rmless2 at: 14:28 | 26 comments

Ok, so I am going on a 2nd date tonight with a guy I like,

You realise, don't you, that half the guys on MeCha/MeFi will be broken-hearted to hear this.

posted by essexjan 17 April | 14:30

Aww, thanks! Don't worry, I won't end up with him. He told me on the first date that he wants to marry a redhead (wtf??)

posted by rmless2 17 April | 14:32

You're veg? Cool!

Be aggressive. Go where the veg options are friendly.

posted by shane 17 April | 14:35

Ugh, I hate this sort of thing. If you object, you're picky. If you don't say anything, you're a pushover. Ugh.

I would probably just say, "Hey, I'm a vegetarian... how about *Restaurant XX*?"

posted by muddgirl 17 April | 14:38

Well, what i would do is eat at home before dinner and have a light snack from the available options at the restaurant, and sugest a kick ass restaurant with good veggie options for next time. Put a solution into place so anxiety doesn't spoil the date.

posted by By the Grace of God 17 April | 14:41

I don't think it's a big deal to suggest another restaurant. Just be nice about it and try to find a suitable restaurant in the same part of town. I think the worst thing would be to reject the restaurant without offering an alternative--"Wrong! Try again!"

posted by mullacc 17 April | 14:42

He told you on your first date he wants to marry a redhead? He seems pretty pro-active about being very specific about his preferences... so, personally, I wouldn't worry too much about telling him that I would prefer to eat at a restaurant that offers vegetables.

posted by taz 17 April | 14:45

Not a lot of vegetarian options? But some? Just eat there, and suggest a place next time.

posted by Specklet 17 April | 14:47

He told you he wants to marry a redhead? Why would you say that out loud?

posted by box 17 April | 14:47

I would do what muddgirl suggests. It's not as if you just don't like the restaurant; you'll actually find it difficult to dine there.

I always figure it's better to be polite but forthright; if my date feels that's too picky or fussy, then clearly I am too fussy for him, and we can part amicably.

...says the happily partnered person.

If you're not a redhead and he's stated a preference for redheads, you don't need to worry about being The Picky One on this date.

posted by Elsa 17 April | 14:47

oh, taz: jinx!

posted by Elsa 17 April | 14:48

If I were in the position of the guy you're going out with, I'd want to know that you were a vegetarian, so as to avoid any awkwardness in the future. And if he's not a vegetarian, you're going to have to bring it up eventually--better now, than before he invites you over for dinner at his place (should such a thing happen). I think you should suggest a restaurant.

posted by Prospero 17 April | 14:50

I'd just be honest and a touch apologetic. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you again. You know, though, I've been to Restaurant X in the past, and they don't have very many vegetarian options. Would you mind if we went to Restaurant Y instead?"

I mean, yeah, you don't want to look picky. But, you DO want to enjoy yourself, right? No sense in going on a date you're looking forward to when the meal itself is pre-guaranteed to be a disappointment. [Like, if you suggested going to a seafood place, and he was allergic, you'd want him to say something, right?]

posted by mudpuppie 17 April | 14:52

Thanks! Normally, I'd have no hesitations about suggesting a new place; it's just that I was picky on the last date too. And I did breiefly mention that I am a veg last time when he offered me some of his fish.

I think I am going to suck it up this time and make sure to pick next time. Or as my friend just IMed me, "eating sauteed zucchini for one night won't kill you."
(I totally think the redhead thing was weird, thought you guys might get a kick out of it!)

posted by rmless2 17 April | 14:56

(I know how to spell briefly. It just doesn't seem that way sometimes.)

posted by rmless2 17 April | 14:59

The bar scenario last time? I would have gone anyway, then started sneezing or coughing when I got there.

posted by mudpuppie 17 April | 15:00

Haha, how lovely you look in that passive-aggressive dress, mudpuppie!!
That definitely could have been a funny solution.

posted by rmless2 17 April | 15:01

A gracious solution, rmless2. And consider telling him you appreciated him picking a place and time; that's useful feedback to get, I think. Too often when trying to make plans, all parties waffle until ~~I want to choke them~~ I just go ahead and name a place and time.

[I realize that I made my suggestion assuming that you weren't a guest at dinner, unconsciously based on my own dating history. If I were a guest, I would certainly cheerfully dine wherever my host suggested. Even a steakhouse could provide the ubiquitous zucchini.]

Hope you two have a great time!

posted by Elsa 17 April | 15:06

I would definitely counter-propose, but I would try to find a place that has stuff that is similar to the place he proposed, AND stuff that you like.

posted by danf 17 April | 15:33

I've been meaning to ask- why the 2, rmless2? rmless already taken?

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 17 April | 15:38

I think a while ago I registered rmless, then forgot and never used itt, then tried to sign up again but I was blocked, emailed taz, long story short: got rmless2.

Or, if you prefer, this is my drunk twin!

posted by rmless2 17 April | 15:57

He told me on the first date that he wants to marry a redhead

And now you know your exit strategy! Dye your hair! ;P

posted by dabitch 17 April | 16:06

The redhead thing is weird.

Then again, everyone should want to marry a redhead.

Full disclosure: I have red hair.

posted by shane 17 April | 17:03

You can pull together a decent veg. meal at most any restaurant except a steak place, so I think your plan is good.

Should you choose to sleep with him, you could dye your other hair red, just to mess with him.

posted by theora55 17 April | 17:17

See, steak house vegetarian meals sound perfect to me. I mean, I could easily dine on salad and mashed (or baked) potato and some veggie sides. It looks a little wimpy, though, is the problem.

posted by mudpuppie 17 April | 18:35

NYC has been smokeless for the past five years FWIW. Order three appetizers one at a time, then dessert or digestif.

posted by brujita 18 April | 00:25

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