uh.. wtf? Please tell me that you were in the twilight zone. Where did this happen?

So, how does that feel ramix? I am curious. Did you just laugh it off, or did you go to a bad internal place, at least for a moment or two?

Yeah, who knows about the mom? Of if this girl picked this up at home, someone else's home, or what? As a parent, I would like to think that I would use this as a teachable moment, but I may well have just wanted to disappear also.

oh and heeeey! I didn't know you were from Ghana! My mom, dad and brother lived in Accra 65-68! My mother brought home lots of neat stuff that she began collecting as she studied african art as a sit-in student at the university there, beautiful cloths and some neat looking figures with beads similar to this that she treasures and makes me swear I can never-ever-ever sell when she dies. :) My favorites are these super-colorful paintings she has of women making FuFu and men dancing which according to her aren't even that interesting but they're just so awesomely colorful, I love 'em.

growing up, one of my friends who was adopted had a mother who would say that to me and her all the time. and one of my roommates, who is white but has brown hair and an olive complextion, was told this a bunch by a couple of girls in her elementary school.

Hopefully that kid will grow up and out learn that stuff. And enjoy the bag. Got pix of it?

Good lord. I'm sorry that happened, ramix.

I like to think that in the moment I would have had something kind but firm to say to the child and something simply scathing to say to the mother, but I know that I would just stand there with my mouth hanging open incredulously.

Every time I catch myself hating on some horrid little brat, I have to remind myself it's really the brat's parents I should be hating on.

danf: I was speechless for about 5 minutes. I didn't know what to think. Then i got angry. But i realized quickly that my anger at the little girl was misdirected. Then i felt sorry for her. Then i wondered what she was being taught at home. Then i figured, you know what - choose your battles. I can choose to get worked up about it, or i can choose to let it go. I guess i chose the latter, but i'm just still trying to process it all.

dabitch: It was at a Louis Vuitton store in Bellevue WA. And yah, i bet your mom went to the same university i did! And i LOOOOVE fufu!

Styxno, no i haven't taken it out of the box yet...but i'll post it as soon as i do.

Yeah, definitely ignorant parents (or grandparents, or uncles). Kids repeat stuff they hear. That's why adults suck.

Not nearly as gut-wrenching, but it reminds me of a story my mom tells about my brother. He was about three, and they were taking a 2-day train trip from Dallas to Chicago. They were walking through one of the cars and passed a nun decked out in a full habit. My brother stopped next to the nun, tugged on my mom's hand, pointed at her, and said "Mama, is that a Jesus?"

My mother was mortified.

What? What the heck?

That's bizarre.

Like danf, I think that any utterly nutty and potentially hurtful thing popping out of a kid's mouth presents a moment for discussion and learning*, but wouldn't it be good to start the teachable moment right then and there, not least because it shows the child that the things they say in public have public consequences?

Parents of MeCha: is there any reason to spirit the child away to have the "teachable moment" in private?

*Assuming the kid picked it up somewhere outside the home, though that's a generous assumption.

on preview:

But i realized quickly that my anger at the little girl was misdirected. Then i felt sorry for her.

ramix, you've got your head screwed on right --- righter than I do, anyway. I'd still be fuming. I'm really impressed that you can step away from that anger.

Good lord, ramix, that's nuts. There's lots of diversity where I live and work and I forget rubbish like this is even possible. I admire your strength in dealing with it so well.

mudpuppie, that's hilarious. Mom, who went to parochial school in Chicago, grew up thinking there were Publics and Catholics because her germophobic aunt wouldn't let her use public bathrooms..

I was at the British Museum a while ago, looking at a bust of an Egyptian princess. Her face, shoulders, neck and torso were all painted a deep brown color, but her exposed breasts (but not nipples) were white. A dark-skinned girl, about four years old, came over by herself (her family were about two feet away) to look at it.

She looked at the sculpture, looked at me (I'm white), looked at the sculpture, looked at my chest and said to me, pointing, "Those are her bosoms." To which I said "Yes." Then she said "My cousin Mae has bosoms." And I again said "Yes." (although I had no idea) She looked at the sculpture, at herself, at me and then said "I will have bosoms one day." and, again, I said "Yes." At this point, her mother or cousin or someone was walking over, listening closely.

Just as the little girl opened up her mouth to ask, presumably, whether her bosoms would be white (or possibly if my bosoms were brown), her mother (or cousin) looked mortified and snatched her away. I was sorry not to hear the question, but I can understand being worried your child is about to ask a stranger in the British Museum what color her bosoms are.

ramix: that's really awful. It's a shame what people do to kids and the world in the process.

Oh. My. God.

Ugh, I'm sorry this happened, ramix. I would have been hard-put not to turn around and smack the mother in the mouth*. Here's hoping the little girl has some good influences somewhere in her family.

*I often have this impulse, but have never hit anyone (first) in my life, FWIW

Parents of MeCha: is there any reason to spirit the child away to have the "teachable moment" in private?

The only one I can think of is one a friend shared with me, her son, around three was at the bathhouse with dad and suddenly asked: "Why does that man have such a tiny weewee?" about someone in the showers (or words to that effect). Dad basically ran straight out of there, suds still flying and kid on tow only to explain at home that "we do not speak about each others wee-wee's in public". Basically he needed the mad dash himself to prevent from breaking into hysterical laughter (he's such a kid!).

on post, man crush-onastick's bosom story was a billion times funnier.

I am just trying to put myself in the place of the parent. My kid said some pretty mortifying things, but never like what ramix just experienced.

Since parenting is so fucking hard (sorry 'pode, it just is. . too late!) I give parents at least ONE benefit of the doubt. She may have been so mortified that her flight reflex took over. The downside is that the next time the kid sees a person that is a different color, this experience is added onto the rest and it's even more messed up.

But yeah, the thoughtful thing would have been to apologize (profusely), and then try to talk with whomever my kid just talked like that to.

The only experiences I have had that come close have been that I grew up with very crooked teeth, and several times, as a teen, I remember parents of young kids quietly pointing me out to the kids, and saying that "this is why you are getting braces, so you don't end up like that." It both hurt AND I knew at the time what jerks the parents were being.

But, god, being non-white in this country is a whole other thing and I don't profess to have any comprehension of it all.

(i'm sitting here giggling about crush-onastick's "bosoms"!)

As a parent, I would like to think that I would use this as a teachable moment...

As the insulted party, I think ramix had every right to use this as a punchable moment (but it's probably for the best that she took the high road instead).

(I know; it took everything I had not to burst out laughing when talking to that little girl. I would just love to meet her as a grownup and ask if she was surprised when her boobs did not grow in white or if she'd had her questions answered there at the museum or maybe later by her cousin)

That's just incredible, ramix. I'd have been hard-pressed not to say something to the mom, right there. Arrgh.

Sad little kid; horrible mother. Even if she was too flabbergasted to address this behavior with the kid right there, the very least she could have done was to say something apologetic to ramix... I think that was the most hurtful and rotten part. Kids say bizarre and totally embarrassing thing - everyone knows that, just apologize and say you'll be discussing this to make things clear. dumb butt.

{{{xxoo ramix ooxx}}}

Kids...when mine were very little we didn't get out much. One day my husband was in the car driving them around and apparently were beside a car driven by an African-american. One of the kids goes, Look, dad, a Cosby! (No idea if the driver was wearing a Huxtable sweater...)

Another time we needed some debris removed from our yard-a cheerful black man wearing dreadlocks came over to take care of it for us. The kids had never seen dreads before-they took a look and one then yelled, "Mommy, that man has WORMS in his hair!!!!"

(Don't worry, I explained to the kids that no, those were dreads, and to the man, hey, they've never seen dreads before. He handled it well. And probably enjoyed having a story to tell about those silly little white kids.)

Oh ramix, that sucks so bad. Mom should have apologized, yes, for sure.

ramix, that is outrageous. I cannot believe that stupid parent.

That is an incredibly sobering, angering, and saddening experience, Ramix. Sobering because I keep naively thinking that things are getting better with regards to prejudice. Angering -- because the mother did not take the teachable moment or apologize to you -- I would feel like I was rendered a "non-person" by that if I were in your shoes. And saddening because that child was taught that somewhere.

I am reminded of a friend of mine in college, Brian, who was African-American and had a white roommate whose parents, it turned out, were white suburban racists. When the parents found out their son's roommate was not white, they asked their son all sorts of questions, like "Is he clean?" and "Does he hang out with 'the bros'?" Which all got relayed back to Brian, who came to visit my boyfriend and I to share his outrage.

As it turned out, Brian's roommate's parents were about to come over to pick up a desk from my neighbor, and I had to let them into the apartment. My boyfriend (who was white, which is helpful to explain the scenario as it develops) saw an opportunity to call the roommate's parents on their racism. So when Brian's roommate and the parents knocked on my door, my boyfriend answered it and said, "Hey 'bros', how's it goin'?" They blanched to the color of wallpaper paste on having been caught in their racism. Not nice, and maybe even passive-aggressive, but Brian appreciated the effort to address the problem in some way.

Well...

I think this is just ramix's clever scheme to get big discounts. ;-)

I can't think of anything to add so

*hugs*

ME "Did yer Mammy burn ya?""

HER "What you talkin about?

ME: "yer a burned baby, did yer Mammy burn ya?"

Luckily she had no clue, I was a tiny Orish tot of 4, never saw a black girl before, and she was a Jamaican beauty.
When, due to the similarities between Eire & Jamaica;---Not much really but I have developed a taste for jerky!)

I'm lucky to still be her friend 30+ years on. But for her I'm clearly the minority culture!

Holy crap! That's all I can say is HOLY CRAP!

Oh my God!

The first time my oldest brother saw a person with dark brown skin (small Alaskan town in the 70s), he declared loud and clear that the individual MUST be JESUS!

rhapsodie, that was funny.

Ramix, where is it you live, now? I am curious. As racist as my part of the country can be at times, it's been years since I have heard such ridiculosity...And I neglected to say, i AM sorry you had to be the recipient of those remarks, but thrilled you at least got a good discount out of it.

Bunnyfire: I live in Kirkland WA (eastern suburbs of Seattle). I've been here for a year (moved from Portland) and i must say that i find Seattlites to be way less friendly/accepting of me than Portlanders. (generalization i know, but that's been my experience so far) - really makes me miss Portland a LOT!

tcv: i know..i went in there to browse and drool over something i knew was way out of my budget...but hey, who knows, maybe there is a God after all!!

The funny this is that i love kids and when i first walked into the store and saw the little girl, all i thought was wow, what a cutie!

Oh geez. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

i must say that i find Seattlites to be way less friendly/accepting of me than Portlanders

Point of order: the eastside is not Seattle. We're just as unfriendly, but not so much racist.

After reading the "lolknapsack" thread over at MeFi...oh man, I am so sorry.

When I was in primary school I used to get terrible racism from the teachers, which the students would then pick up on. One time my family came for Parents Day (where they discuss yearly results) and one teacher bragged to my older sister about how she (the teacher) must be so funny because she told me to "go back to your country!".

Urgh. That's elementary school, you'd think the teachers would know better than to be racist pricks to little kids! I hope the girl in your story isn't facing such terrible teachers.

So sorry to hear about this ramix. I'm glad you posted it.

That's all kinds of messed up, ramix. Big hugs!