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08 April 2008

A dual seated car, three people, one bus stop! [More:]So, say you're driving along in your car, which can hold only two people at a time, and you happen to come across a bus stop where you not only see your best friend in the whole world, standing there (who you haven't met in AGES), but also the man/woman of your dreams (you know this instinctively!), and an elderly lady who has just collapsed and is in need of dire medical attention.

What do you do? Do you:

a) Help the elderly woman to a hospital, thereby forfeiting your chance of meeting the man/woman you love, but ultimately saving someone's life.

b) Screw the old hag--I'm in it for the man/woman!

c) I don't believe in true love (certainly not meeting him or her at the bus stop); I'd rather spend an evening with my friend.
A, of course.
posted by LoriFLA 08 April | 07:19
A, of course.
posted by LoriFLA 08 April | 07:19
A.
My friend would understand, and I believe that you never get just one chance at true love. Besides, if I didn't help someone in need, would I feel deserving of the true love? Probably not.
posted by lleachie 08 April | 07:20
I'd ask the true-love guy to take the collapsed lady to the hospital in my car (I'm too nervous to drive her!), and then pick me up at my best friend's house (we'll get there on the bus together), and I'll drive him to wherever he's going.
posted by taz 08 April | 07:29
A, of course. My one true love would also agree, and follow us to the hospital where later we would chat lightly, and drink tea in a styrofoam cup and eat stale cookies and stare into each other's eyes, all under the yellow glow of flourescents in the hospital cafeteria as we wait for the old woman's family to come to the hospital. And when they do come and meet us, they are so grateful and assume that we are already a couple and, hey since the old lady can't go anyway, why don't you take the keys to a wonderful chalet by the lake that they rented for the weekend. And then, we're like all awkward, "But...we're....ummm...". But it doesn't take long to figure out a free vacation is a free vacation, so we take off, drive out into the green into wilds and to the fabulous place they rented. We have a fantastic dinner over campfire, and as the sun sets, when everything is right in the world - the person that I thought could be my true love reveals himself to be -

Okay, gotta go to work now!
posted by typewriter 08 April | 07:34
taz, you nailed it! Although, the correct answer would've been (not that there is "one" correct answer), I too chose the above option of a) as lleachie, type and LoriFLA: but here's what the guy who was asked the question in an interview had to answer.

He thinks for awhile, and then says: I'd give the car keys to my best friend, tell him to take care of the old lady, and that I'd meet him later on in the week, while I'd get down at the bus stop and spend some time getting to know the woman of my dreams.

But your answer was just as good, although I am curious why you'd leave the love of your life behind? (You must be a really good friend!:))
posted by hadjiboy 08 April | 07:57
D. None of the above. I'd go to the nearest car dealer and pick up a more practical, non-low-clearance better-gas-mileage sedan, one that seats at least four comfortably, and makes me look like less of a shallow prick than that stupid ragtop convertible I'd been driving around. Then I'd pick everybody up at once.

The conversation on the way to the hospital might be a little awkward, however, especially if in the intervening time the elderly woman has since passed on.
posted by deadcowdan 08 April | 08:54
I'd call 911 and wait with the old woman. EMTs would be able to provide medical attention as soon as they arrive and on the way to the hospital, which is something that is very important that I could not provide for her.

/typical "my daddy was a fire fighter!" response
posted by CitrusFreak12 08 April | 09:21
D. None of the above. As I am trained in CPR and first aid, I would have my Old Friend call 911 while my Soul Mate retrieves the kit out of my car. I would then tend to the old woman while we wait for the ambulance to arrive. My Soul Mate might be initially impressed by my Mad Skillz, he would soon realize that my Old Friend was super hot. Of course, as I don't really believe in "soul mates", it would be no skin off my nose.
posted by muddgirl 08 April | 09:28
Your boat only holds two people, and you've got to get everybody across the river. But if you leave your best friend alone with the person of your dreams, your best friend will tell them your faults. And if you leave the old lady alone, she'll die. How can you get all three people across?
posted by box 08 April | 09:32
What if all three are the same person?
posted by Eideteker 08 April | 09:39
Take the person-of-dreams across, come back and take the old lady across, come back and punch out my friend for being such a bitch.

I'm not leaving him behind, hadjiboy - he has my car; he has to meet back up with me. He gets to be a hero, and I haven't neglected my friend. When Mr. Wonderful comes back to return the silly vehicle, he'll have had plenty of time to think of a good way to extend the acquaintanceship... and just in case he's shy - so will I.
posted by taz 08 April | 09:40
E. Stop the car and ask "Anyone need a ride?" and as the three of them shuffle over I'd laugh and hit the gas, hopefully splashing them with a puddle as I leave. That's the only logical solution to the problem.
posted by cmonkey 08 April | 10:07
Looks like the man/woman of my dreams just volunteered to donate a few of their favorite organs. Granny gets a nice new set of lungs, I get my lover's heart to cherish always, and I present my friend with a fresh liver so we can enjoy a nice beer together.

I actually kept a set of surgical tools in my trunk for just such an occasion.
posted by danostuporstar 08 April | 10:14
I actually kept a set of surgical tools in my trunk for just such an occasion.

I keep reading "trunk" as "junk" which just adds that extra level of disturbing.
posted by gaspode 08 April | 10:49
As cmonkey peels out he doesn't notice that he's headed straight for the bus pulling up to bus stop. Splat! The bus driver jumps out and, cradling cmonkey's lifeless body, bursts into tears of rage and horror... he's just flattened his own long-lost twin brother whom he's been seeking for the last 20 years. Meanwhile, the unmet love of cmonkey's life is torn; who needs immediate attention, the rotten, but ever-so-attractive cmonkey? Or the sweet but perhaps not entirely innocent little old lady, on the very verge of expiring? Thinking quickly, the self-appointed EMT grabs the oxygen mask from cmonkey's best friend, a salvage diver, and slips it over the old lady's face, then bounds over in gravity-defying boots to splint cmonkey's shattered limbs with disassembled parts of the old lady's walker.

Meanwhile, cmonkey's best friend, the diver, is in shock - he still can't believe that fire plane scooped him out of the ocean and dumped him at this bus stop, next to a raging forest fire. In the nick of time, though, he gathers his wits about him as the tongues of flame begin licking at the old lady's wispy silver hair. Beating out the conflagration with his flippers, he peers at the old woman to see if she is less on fire. "Mein Gott," he mutters, "Mutter?!" - and indeed it is the woman who gave birth to him and then abandoned him to the mean streets of Mönchengladbach... or so he thought. With her dying breath, the old lady reveals the truth; he had been kidnapped by a band of pretzel makers, and she has been searching for him, lo, these many years. She presses a key into his hand. "This schlüssel is yours," she says, "use it wisely."

Bewildered, the diver glances toward cmonkey who is being given mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in the strong arms of the other bus stop denizen... but wait - he seems to see double: there are two cmonkeys! ...or are there? The cmonkey wearing the bus driver's uniform turns toward him. "Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help but notice your big key. Are you doing anything later?" The schlüssel in the diver's hand seemed to quiver, and the diver knew he must follow its lead, wherever it may take him. Boarding the bus, he looked back upon the scene of death and destruction, and saw that the kiss of life had restored his old friend cmonkey #1 who lay gazing rapturously into the eyes (well, only the one eye, actually) of his saviour, the mud-spattered, purple-ponytailed woman who had wrested him from the jaws of death. It was all going to be okay. He stepped into the bus, and knew that they had all set out on a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - their next stop... ?

≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by taz 08 April | 11:22
taz, I just finished all the Bourne books. Your post reads remarkably similar. I think you may have a career as a bestselling author of international thrillers.

Or perhaps you ARE a bestselling author of international thrillers! The plot thickens!
posted by occhiblu 08 April | 11:39
Call 911. It's a bad idea to move someone (what if it's an appendicitis?) who collapsed, and she'll probably be taken care more quickly by paramedics coming from the hospital (who can avoid traffic and so will arrive quick) than if I drive her to the hospital (keep in mind the two seater will not be very comfortable either - low suspension + non-reclining seat)

Of course, someone I should leave someone I trust by her side, waiting for the ambulance, so there's where my friend comes in.

Now there's two people and two seats left. You see, it's not as if I'm selfish or anything, it's just the circumstances.
posted by qvantamon 08 April | 15:08
My god, taz, that is amazing. We need to find you a good literary agent.
posted by cmonkey 08 April | 15:46
viachicago (and Kansas) wins the MeCha NCAA bracket || Physical ailment thread.

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