My trivial breakup was in sixth grade, as much as one is "dating" in sixth grade (when I was in sixth grade, it meant "person of the opposite* sex you'd be caught dead talking to"). I dumped a guy named Sam for getting his hair cut short. (It was black, silky, and almost too long for the dress code** before that)

I don't know that I would call my first marriage a great LTR, given that I'm no longer in it, but it started when he leaned really close to me and I said, "Hey, if you're going to get that close, you might as well kiss me." I learned my lesson, I guess.




* In the midwestern US in the '70's, we were still very closeted about same-sex relationships.

** When I was in grade school, there was none of this long hair on guys or girls running around school in shorts or baring our belly buttons, nosiree. We had a dress code.

I broke up with my first college boyfriend because my friends didn't like him. I thought he was a nice guy and fun to hang out with, but my friends thought he was a total dweeb and kind of psycho.

I broke up with someone because she was a terrible kisser, er, more accurately, we kissed terribly together. . .but I never told her that.

Everything else was groovy, but our sexual styles, in general were different, and I could not seem to pull her into a middle ground that was good for me. . .

We started out as friends, she's a good friend, now, and we have never talked about that episode of our lives. . .

I did once end things with a guy because he didn't read. In the sense that he just was not interested in any kind of books. Or art. Or music. Or architecture. Or anything else that I found interesting.

I don't really care, for the most part, *which* kind of art someone likes, or what their taste in that art form is, but I feel like a lack of any sort of interest in any human creative endeavor at all is a bad sign. Plus, we had nothing to talk about after the second date.

I guess that's the least-defensible reason I've used, but I think I've only over broken up with two guys... oh, no, wait, three. The guy I almost just forgot was certainly the least-defensible break-up I've ever had, because I just stopped returning his calls. My indefensible rationalization for that was he was Italian and didn't speak English, and break-ups are hard enough when you can rely on the cliche and nuance of your native language -- I couldn't imagine attempting the whole thing in a language I didn't speak very well.

She flat-out refused to wear the Groucho glasses in bed. I was like "trust me, I think it's super hot", but she insisted I was just making fun of her.
It's what comes to mind every time I hear Meatloaf sing "I would do anything for love...but I won't do that."

has anyone ever done something completely impulsive that led to a great LTR?

Just a little bit.

Yeah, I broke up with a guy who was quite sweet and very nice, and *really* liked me, because I was just kind of embarrassed to be with him and my other friends. He just wasn't interested in the things that my close group of friends were interested in, and I guess that at that stage of my life my friends were a much higher priority than the person I was dating.

(I dumped him in an assholish way though - he wouldn't believe that I wanted to break up with him and spent a couple of weeks calling me all the time, and leaving me flowers and suchlike, even though I was very plain with him. So I slept with his friend. Yeah.)

Concerning the linked article, I'm afraid I'm with Marco Roth: “I think sometimes it’s better if books are just books. It’s part of the romantic tragedy of our age that our partners must be seen as compatible on every level.” And I say that as someone who, in his early twenties, used to ruthlessly weed out people based on their comprehension of my highly obscure musical tastes.

I have an unusually high tolerance (or, some might argue, a predilection) for idiosyncratic behavior, and I'm also the type who will compromise and negotiate to the ends of the earth, so I don't have any great stories about dumping people for petty reasons. My dealbreakers are fairly high on the intolerable scale: racism/sexism/homophobia, anger problems, internalized homophobia, abuse, infidelity. I've put up with Britney-blasting joyriders, cat-haters, men who thought God spoke directly to them, others who claimed to hate all music, and at least a few who were completely hopeless in the sack, but it's all about context. If there's five great things for every questionable one, I can happily live with that ratio. And I always date fellow artists/performers/creative folks, so I've come to expect a certain amount of, shall we say, color in my relationships.

Concerning your counterpoint, I've had two impulsive relationships. One was a daisy-chain of inadvisable decisions that shipwrecked my life for a year or so. The other was electrifying and inspiring and transformative, but it ran its course in a very short time. I still believe risks in relationships are completely worth taking, but I've learned how to better quantify the risk for my own protection.

(NYT Magazine had another humorous relationshippy article on seemingly-trivial dealbreakers a while back, but unfortunately I can't find the link.)

“If you’re a person who loves Alice Munro and you’re going out with someone whose favorite book is ‘The Da Vinci Code,’ perhaps the flags of incompatibility were there prior to the big reveal.”

Ha. That is funny. I love Alice Munro. My husband thoroughly enjoyed The Da Vinci Code. It's not his favorite book, but he was thoroughly engrossed and talked about it for days.

I was wary of a new boyfriend (now my husband) because he wore an Italian horn on a gold chain around his neck and loved heavy metal and eighties hair bands with a passion. "She's My Cherry Pie" by Warrant was one of his favorite songs. The Italian horn and liking Warrant is enough to run for the hills.

I'm glad I didn't bolt. He's a great guy. He likes a lot of music I don't care for, but he appreciates a lot of good stuff too. I was 20 years old. If I met someone today that liked eighties hair bands I wouldn't give it a second thought.

A woman broke up with me because I didn't want to go see her therapist. We'd been going out for over a year, and were talking about marriage, so we decided to get some pre-marital couples counseling. She'd been seeing a therapist for a long time (13 years--a long time), so I agreed to go see him with her, a trial basis, just to see how it'd work. I stated my reservations up front, that it might be weird to see her therapist, that maybe we should get a fresh start with someone else, but I was game.

Me and the guy just didn't work out. I think he had some sort of weird Svengali thing going on. I mean, she'd been seeing him for 13 years, and it's not like she was suffering from chronic depression or anything. We'd get in yelling arguments in his office--me and her, but me and the guy, too, yelling at each other.

So I said forget it--let's see someone else. I never hesitated to go to counseling together, but I wanted to see someone else. She accused me of using Doug as the scapegoat, of blaming him for our problems, and that if I couldn't commit to seeing him, well, I couldn't commit to her, either. I really didn't want to break up, but she wouldn't budge--it was him, or not me.


I've told my story of impulsiveness that led to a great LTR before. I have the personal ad page framed at home, and it makes me laugh out loud every time I read it. I really never intended the ad to run at all--it was purely a joke, at a really sad time in my life, too soon after a breakup to start looking for something new. Worked out, though.

Because he admitted to voting for GW in 2004. I figured that, if anything, was a sign we deeply disagreed on very major issues.

I ask people's favorite books before the start dating thing, so I know to avoid anyone who says "I don't like books."

I totes didn't read the article, but I can think of a silly reason to break up with someone (which I did):

I wanted to sleep with his best friend. Who quickly turned into an ex-best friend. Oops.

And the relationship before that? I was just tired of the fact that he wanted to celebrate every single month anniverary. That got old, REAL FAST.



And this is why I don't date, bunnies.

I was dumped last year because I was "too nice" and always tried to ask her where she wanted to go to dinner instead of just making the decision.

Still don't understand that one. But hey -- it was for the best.

Oh, MuddDude didn't read all that much when we started dating. At least, he didn't up until he was unemployed and "between schools" for awhile last year. Now he reads for at least half an hour every morning while he exercises. I think it's really enriched him, especially since we're both film-buffs, and now when I say, "That movie totally ripped off The Great Gatsby", I don't have to explain the story to him.

I never found his relative distaste of books to be a deal-breaker, but then again, he does have quite a passion for sports, film, and music. If he had no interests at all, we probably wouldn't have dated for very long.

I have always used musical/literary tastes to judge whether or not someone would be a good 'fit' to my lifestyle before dating. I have made exceptions, during lonely points, but it never worked out. I once stop seeing a dude because he was COMPLETELY obsessed with Todd Lundgren, and I have always hated his music (no offense to TL fans, I just don't dig his music). Someone who obsesses about Todd Lundgren is pretty much dead to me.

What about somebody who obsesses about Dolph Lundgren?

I broke up with the last woman I dated before I met my wife over a number of issues but the biggest was garlic. She hated garlic and didn't ever like me to eat it because she could smell it on me. I just couldn't see going through the rest of my life without garlic. Fortunately, my wife is Italian so that's not an issue with us.

Oh and msail, are you sure that you don't mean Todd Rundgren?

Fortunately, my wife is Italian so that's not an issue with us.

Unless you are into haggis or ludafisk.

I dumped people because I didn't like them in that way, which is a valid reason. Thing is, I'm a gemini and apparently this means my taste changes by the minute.

I have been dumped for my sense of dress. Like, whu?? Oh well, not a long dating thing anyway just a week but it was pretty weird.

As a counterpoint, has anyone ever done something completely impulsive that led to a great LTR?

Spontaneous road trip from Toronto to Nova Scotia with my housemate. Left at 11pm to drive all night and all the next day. A day later we kissed. It turned out she'd had a sort-of crush on me for a while, though I was utterly clueless. We stayed together for almost two years.


No funny dumping-for-superficial reasons, though. I've only dumped for vague but strongly-held feelings of "I don't think we're right for each other." And we weren't.

I admit the worst thing I ever did on this subject was to not even offer a reason. When she asked why I just shrugged. What a dick...

A woman broke up with me because I didn't want to go see her therapist.

Emotionally, this is the equivalent of leaving someone because they won't go in on a 3-way with your friend. Crude comparison, but still... there is such a thing as too many people in the relationship.

i thought this was suppose to be about excuses you used in the break up, and i was gonna talk about the guy who thought i died. Now, i didn't tell him, obviously, and it wasn't my idea, but a friend might have told the guy i was not seriously seeing that i was "out of the dating pool" on a permanent basis, and i am thankful.

Of stupid reasons to keep dating someone, i find people accept good sex as a reasonable answer.

> A woman broke up with me because I didn't want to go see her therapist.

Wow. What an incredible breach of therapist ethics. There are certainly reasons why it would make sense to have a limited discussion between a therapist, their client and a significant other, say to help write a safety plan during a crisis, but no one should ever be in that office through manipulation.

Shit, you're right Todd RUNDGREN, not Dolph LUNDGREN. See?!?! I hate him so much, I even mess up his name!

has anyone ever done something completely impulsive that led to a great LTR?

Maybe. I can hope even losers luck eventually is something most yobbos learn over various events, right? .

meep.

A guy in high school broke up with me because I wouldn't sleep with him. But what he told me was that he had cancer, and could die!! It still didn't get me in bed. So he took up with a girl who would.

I broke up with a guy who was extremely disappointing in bed by telling him I just wasn't ready for a monogamous relationship.

And the counterpoint: When I was 22, freshly split from a bad relationship, I spontaneously decided to get a new tattoo. I started talking to the only other customer in the place. He asked me out to dinner - and eventually became my first husband.

And another counterpoint: Despite having an ad in the personals, and meeting several nice guys (and casually dating two of them), I was unhappy, and called someone elses' ad. Which led to marathon phone calls for five days; then meeting for lunch; and he became husband number 2. Most certainly the best spur-of-the-moment EVER.

I also did the shrug thing once, and yeah, i felt pretty dickish.

I've told my crazy story that led to a LTR before here.

BTW, that ended up not working out, oh well...que sera sera.

I broke up with a really nice guy that I was crazy about when I discovered he didn't read anything except computer books.I've thought about the book deal breaker since then.
The other one I felt bad about was after seeing a guy for a month or so in college. His favorite every other day meal was 6 cloves of raw garlic between two slices of bread. Every day he would stop by and trip over everything in the room.

I broke up with a really nice guy that I was crazy about when I discovered he didn't read anything except computer books.I've thought about the book deal breaker since then.
The other one I felt bad about was after seeing a guy for a month or so in college. His favorite every other day meal was 6 cloves of raw garlic between two slices of bread. Every day he would stop by and trip over everything in the room.