And to temper that downer, here's an interesting article about Eddie Izzard, who is fighting for the right not to wear a dress :)

It has gotten better since I have stayed on a regimen of medication. I have double depression and extremely mild obsessions-only OCD. The meds take out all of the depression and about 80% of the OCD, but I sometimes get stuck in an obsessive loop (the last one was over, of all things, "What would we do if we won the big Powerball jackpot?" We didn't.)

I have some cognitive exercises under my belt to help as well, and I also find regular walks, eating right, and meditation help me as well. The more coping mechanisms, the less it can get to me in the long-run.

I don't feel guilty about the meds, because I see it this way: my depression/OCD are biochemical, just as my low thyroid is.

It does get better. There will always be ups and downs, but the downs get less intense as you find ways to manage your depression and anxiety.

My mother has dealt with it all her life, and like others say, things go up and down, but I think she feels a lot better now that she has a solid support system in place (drugs, good doctors, etc).

I don't think it was "over time" for me as much as it was "with recognition."

Depression has gotten better but anxiety has gotten worse over time. But they say the mid-30's tend to more anxious for a lot of people, so that may be what's fault. And I go through cycles too (usually lasting for 1-3 years for both with and without depression/anxiety). What makes me feel better about it all now, though, is that I've dealt with it long enough to know what it is -- e.g., I'm getting better at recognizing anxiety as merely anxiety and not as legitimate fear/concern/etc. Same with depression -- I can now say, "oh, I'm going through a depressive episode" instead of just feeling it -- that perspective really does help.

It always gets better.
What you might have already learned is of your plateau of overwhelmed suck, the land where you know not to go without much kicking and screaming.

Anxiety doesn't go away, and it doesn't cure itself. It feeds itself. You get anxious about something, and then you get anxious about being anxious. It's a vicious loop, and it doesn't just "go away."

IMO, the only sensible and efficacious way to deal with anxiety issues is by getting help dealing with it. That may or may not include drugs, depending on the severity of the issue.

An anecdote: I've been interviewing social workers this week for a project I'm doing. (Yes, I know that social workers aren't the people you go to when you need mental health care, but bear with me.) They all pretty much say the same thing -- that the rewarding part of their jobs is helping people find the services they need to get better.

One woman, though, said something that really stuck with me. She said -- and this is a quote from my notes -- "Everyone I deal with has the tools they need to deal with their problems. It's just that most of them don't know it. Most of my job is helping people discover those tools in themselves. They almost never know they're there."

And see, that's the thing with anxiety especially. It doesn't allow you to focus on anything but the thing you're anxious about, so you can't dig deeper to find your own natural coping mechanisms. That's why you need someone else to help you navigate those things.

I know that you've said in other threads, grace, that you don't want to go to therapy. I think that's a bit wrong-headed, or stubborn, or something.

These things, they don't just go away. It takes a lot of work, and it's work you shouldn't have to do (and shouldn't do) alone. It's work that requires a guide, because it's well near impossible to see the things in yourself that will help you out of it. (And Metachat is good for support, for the sharing of various experiences, but it is NOT a good substitute for any sort of health care, even as wonderful as folks here are.)

So don't just sit around and wait for it to dissolve. It's not going to. That's just the way it is.

After finally facing that I had a problem with anxiety and depression about three years ago, I started therapy. Which helped to reduce the effects but didn't really help treating the cause. I made a lot of life changes (including stopping the therapy) but have only recently started medication for anxiety.

Without the anxiety wearing me down, the depression has lessened. And now that I have a bit of a breathing space to stop and reflect, I can see that the anxiety has been with me from as early as I can remember and that my father has it too (but ignores it). Given that it's probably a genetic quirk it will likely be with me for the rest of my life.

But that's ok now - I know that there are things out there that will treat it and let me be normal and live (finally) without the overwhelming fear-of-everything.

(Plus, I don't do the comfort-eating thing any more and am more likely to be able to get out my front door and go for a walk, so it's impacting on my health in unexpected ways).

Feel free to Me-Mail me if you want any information - I'm quite happy to discuss all the crap in detail if it helps.

Second what mudpuppie says - anxiety causes a lot of suffering, but it's highly treatable. Getting some help is how to treat it. It responds to management, but not to neglect.

When I don't (a) get enough exercise and (b) leave enough downtime for myself, my anxiety starts to return. Usually I first notice it if I'm tense driving over a bridge. That's my signal to get management behaviors back on track. When my anxiety's under control, I don't freak out about simple physical things like bridges.

I've dealt with depression (and some related anxiety issues) all my life, too. Yes, it can get better. The combination of meds, therapy, yoga, exercise, and taking care of myself physically over the course of several years was really key.

I'm not on meds anymore (was on them for about 7 or 8 years, though I wish I'd found them a decade earlier; have been off for about 2), but I feel I was able to taper off them successfully after several years of really in-depth therapy (I still see my therapist once a month, just to sort of check in). Therapy helped me make some really important, deep progress in terms of unlearning old, unhealthy behaviors in order to develop new, healthier ones (which, in turn, allowed me to start consistently making really good, positive choices for myself and to feel in control of my life). I've had a few mild bouts of depression since then, but so far have been able to get out of them without going back on the meds -- but if I ever do get to the point where I'd need the meds again, I'm fine with that.

So far, I have totally found it gets better. I'm still rolling from that first, hardest step. I have no tried and true, but for what it's worth, I now believe that I've been trying to deal with an anxiety disorder, and some pretty bad depression, with only SSRI's for roughly 6-8 years. I think the depression is about 4 years old. I have found, so far, that cognitive behavior therapy (in my case, all from fancy book learning) is the key. The SSRI's stop me from going completely batshit, but that's not been enough to stave off depression. I learned shitty thought processes as a young man, and while I do sincerely feel that I have lots of good characteristics, my brooding and judgmental behaviors have been causing me to not enjoy my pretty great life.

Only through the CBT, and even more so specifically the book I referred to pie (which I found through a wonderful mecha friend) have I really begun to feel like I might be able to control my negative thought processes. Man, BTGOG, I can't even begin to tell you how much lighter I feel sometimes, maybe even most of the time. I'm still VERY much embroiled in the battle but all you need to do is look at my posting history to see that I AM feeling better. I'm coming out a bit, and feeling more alive every freaking day.

I don't know you well, and I am sooo not a pro, but if you can do anything, do SOMETHING and take that first step to make it better. I really think that it CAN be better. My dad didn't make it. The drugs weren't there when he needed them. I think of him as a person who died of an infection before penicillin was discovered. Well, in my case, they HAVE found the penicillin that will keep me alive while I work on this. And, thinking back, I can honestly say that no one ever told me it would be easy.

/grins.

Anxiety doesn't go away, and it doesn't cure itself. It feeds itself. You get anxious about something, and then you get anxious about being anxious. It's a vicious loop, and it doesn't just "go away."

This. It's the "I've GOT to calm myself down" loop. For me, when I see that happening (it takes practice, or a friend to say "what is up with you?") that's my "I'm going to get out of my own head" signal*. So I call someone or go clean something or wander over here - basically to put things in perspective. And to laugh. Man, that helps more than anything. Endorphins good.

IMO, the only sensible and efficacious way to deal with anxiety issues is by getting help dealing with it. That may or may not include drugs, depending on the severity of the issue.

Yeah, there's really no way around it. Remember hadjiboy ditching his meds because he wanted to be "in control"? We've all done that and ended up worse than before. Now I can sympathize with his side effects; they sound like they suck, and I hope he can find a way to mitigate them. Sometimes, though, you do have to hang in until you find what works. That's the hated middle part.

For me, "getting better" means I can catch the downward spiral earlier in the process and (most of the time) short-circuit it so that I don't shoot myself in the foot. I can also distinguish between episodes that are triggered by situations/people/events and those that are triggered by something I ate or not enough sleep. Or a perfect storm of all of those.

It's a handicap, and for me a permanent one. But it's not unmanageable. I suspect you'll get there too. Be open to all possibilities.


*notice "I'm going to..." as opposed to "I need to...". Saying "I need to" is the same as saying "I don't want to", so substitute "I'm going to" to get your ass in gear.

p.s. my go-to book is The Anger Diet

i should qualify my answer with "because you realize that it can't get worse." Knowing is half the battle here, because the battle is in part with the unknown.
Everything's far more dealable without the great big blackness behind it, possibly hiding a much bigger beast.
Once you realize you're at a dead end, you eventually get sick of banging your head into the same wall and do something else. It doesn't mean you don't bang your head any more, but you don't forget hitting the wall.

My experience: things have gotten way way better because of -- effective medications; good therapy; good job & lifestyle (matching my spirit/values); being older and more used to the rhythms of my mood swings; learning to ride out my mood swings (and not fight them).

I've been struggling with depression for pretty much my entire life. And honestly? It doesn't always get better. I mean, there are meds, which I take. And there are doctors, who I see. But there are ups and then there are downs, and for the life of me I don't know how to make the downs stop. (This may be compounded by the fact that I have PTSD and anxiety.)

It's different for everyone. I can track my cycles, I can do my best to prevent falling into a pit, and I can find new ways of climbing out. But it doesn't just go away.

I dunno. I could write a book. But I think that people's experiences with depression and anxiety vary greatly. And they do say that one mellows a bit with age. So maybe I'm still too young to say for certain. If, at sixty-five, I'm still a big old ball of SAD, I'll be pretty pissed, though.

For the people on meds: how's your libido?

I've been thinking of going on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety drugs but everyone I know loses their sex drive, and I'm pretty sure that's more than I want to pay.

I've found that regular exercise and holistic therapies help--also that upper respiratory issues and depression seem to be related.

On a (black-humor) side tangent, with possibly TMI:

A bunch of the symptoms off the perimenopausal lists started about a year ago. I stupidly told my mom I was thinking of going in for them- did she have early perimenopause? Answer: Why yes- yes, she did!

But it was clear to her that my real problem was that I am bipolar and should be heavily medicated.

Thank you for sharing, Mom.

Christ. I should know better by now but I never ever learn.

It doesn't mean you don't bang your head any more, but you don't forget hitting the wall.

I want this embroidered on a pillow. It so perfectly sums up this weekend for me -- and I keep insisting that I get credit for not forgetting the hitting rather than beating myself up for the banging.

It's so important to recognize, and give yourself credit for, the not forgetting the hitting.

I have both situational depression and situation anxiety, which I am not medicating, but which I'm working on. I think part of the thing to remember is that anxiety and depression are normal human reactions to various events/situations, and that normal human reactions continue over our entire lifespans, so the whole "life-ly-ness" aspect is kind of a given. I think what people start to rebel against is not the lifelong aspects of the anxiety or depression, but the lifelong aspects of the treatment. And that... is just life, really. We figure out our unhelpful tendencies, we find those things that are helpful in combating our unhelpful tendencies, and we try to be mindful about applying those things. For our entire lives. That's how growth happens.

I adore richat's comment that he "learned shitty thought processes" when young. I think most of mental health is learning to identify the shitty things we picked up when young and applying the helpful things we learn as adults. And, as with everything in life, it's always a process, never a completed act.

After all, if we were perfect, we'd be gods, and what the hell fun is there in that?

For the people on meds: how's your libido?

I've been thinking of going on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety drugs but everyone I know loses their sex drive, and I'm pretty sure that's more than I want to pay.

I was on a medication that had no sexual side effects (Serzone), so it wasn't an issue for me. I think that Serzone is being phased out of the market, though, so it may not be an option for you; the main go-to antidepressant these days to avoid decreased libido is, I believe, Wellbutrin (I know several people on it, and they've said they have no complaints on that score).

thanks scody!

I think Effexor helps me to about 75 - 80% of what I think of as not-depressed. It is definitely not perfect but most of the time I'm not picking out bridge abutments as I drive along the highway. I still have moments that get close to that, but overall, it's better than no drugs at all.

I know I could use some therapy to learn to deal with my issues but it's expensive even with insurance. I don't know that reading a book (or twelve) would help, but I supposed it couldn't hurt.

Dittoing scody on using Wellbutrin to negate sexual side effects. I was on it for a while and it helped and, as an added bonus, stopped my snacking. I've been thinking about asking the doc to write me a new script for it, but haven't decided yet.

Gracie, I first started getting depressed after I'd dropped out of school and had nothing to do, and was basically shunned by everyone, or so I thought. I would stay in my room all day, or if I'd venture out, it would be only indoors. There would be weeks, sometimes months before I'd go outside, and when I would, my ears would pick up all the sounds as if they were being broadcast over a loudspeaker because it'd been so long since I'd heard them. I would try and convince myself that it was only temporary though, that things would eventually get better (they had too--after all--I was TRYING so hard), but ultimately I was just lying to myself. Sure, I'd make some progress every now and again, but it would be a case of one step forward, ten steps back, which would throw me into an even deeper depression that I'd have an even harder time trying to get out of. But once I would, I'd say to myself--see--see Daanish, you can do it! Atta boy! Now all you've got to do is not let it sneak back up on you. But you know what, no matter how hard I tried, or how hard I thought I tried, it always would, and I would always end up feeling even more miserable every god damn time. Until, and this is important, I finally let myself accept the fact that I COULD NOT DO IT ALONE. I needed help, and the only way I was going to get it was by risking the chance on going out there and seeing if there was a doctor who was good enough to meet my expectations. Because that is what ultimately scared me the most; that I'd end up on drugs that I didn't need and would be a shell of my former self. But you know what? If you do find the right physician, and you are put on the right medication, which is most suitable for you, you can lead a much much more fulfilling life than you ever thought possible. Believe me, all you have to do is take that first step, and see what happens. If it doesn't work out with the first one, you can always stop, and move onto the next. Do you have anyone who knows of any good therapists? Are you on any medication right now Gracie? These are all things you should sit down and seriously think about. We all love you very much and would like nothing more than to see you not feel like this any more. What do you say?

I think what people start to rebel against is not the lifelong aspects of the anxiety or depression, but the lifelong aspects of the treatment.

That's true. I know I didn't want to be a slave to a little goddamn pill. I felt that way about my thyroid medication, too.

I was on Paxil for a about a year and a half. I developed a physical dependence on it that was terrible to break. I'm a "cold turkey" kind of person, and that's definitely not the way to come off an SSRI.

(Libido was about 80% on that. I worried so much I jumped the hubby's bones regularly for about two months. He didn't mind. We settled into a regular rhythm as time went on, because I was also seeing a psychiatrist once a week, and that was totally wearing me out)

I'm on Xanax now, as needed. A six-month prescription will last me about a year, which has convinced my dr. that I'm not getting addicted to it or abusing it. There are some withdrawal symptoms, which mainly consist of really odd dreams, but I just go along for the ride if I don't need another dose.

Because that is what ultimately scared me the most; that I'd end up on drugs that I didn't need and would be a shell of my former self.

This is exactly the reason my dad hasn't gone for PSTD treatment. (Vietnam) He doesn't know if it will be "him" that comes out the other end of treatment. So far I've been unconvincing, but I think that has more to do with how I've changed over the years - I'm not the little girl I used to be. There's too many reasons for the change that I can't get into with him, because it involves my upbringing.

And I absolutely heart Eddie Izzard, BTGOG! I'm glad he's not doing dresses anymore, to tell the truth. The reporters were right, he looked a mess in some of those outfits. I only watched The Velvet Goldmine because he was in it - and discovered Ewan MacGregor. Yum!

So don't just sit around and wait for it to dissolve. It's not going to. That's just the way it is.

Like most things in life, when you examine your moods, you find that you have more control over them than you think. The real problem is the insidious nature of the self talk which depression causes. I found myself in an echo-chamber of negative self talk that spilled over into all aspects of my world, as reality gradually distorted. And it distorted so slowly and subtly that I didn't know it was happening until something really ugly happened.

One thing I learned last weekend at a workshop on this subject was to label your thoughts. This allows you to step back from them. If you have negative self thoughts, give a name to that voice, in your mind draw a circle around it, and now you are outside that circle, regarding the thing that is inside it.

PLZ email, we have much to discuss!

I'm late to this thread. I've had two episodes of clinical depression for which I took medication (Seroxat - Paxil in the US). It did its job for around 18 months the first time (1998-99) and 9 months or so the second (2001). At the time I was going through a couple of big upheavals - the first time, addressing my drinking and the second was when my marriage broke up.

I've not had anything other than the odd 'down day' since then, and I think it's because I've learned not to sweat the little things, to try to put things in perspective. It's also been beneficial to me to learn that I don't have to do everything myself - that I can ask for help and guidance and it doesn't make me weak, that I don't have to be perfect in everything I do.

These days I take a very much more laissez-faire attitude to things than I did ten years ago.

I've found that anxiety is really up and down for me but the big thing to control it is some combination of occasional meds (I don't have it too bad, so basically have lorazepam handy if it's keeping me awake but otherwise not, works a little like Dumbo's magic feather - this way I'm not anxious about CAN I FALL ASLEEP which is like the worst thing ever in my life), aggressive exercise, keeping away from too much alcohol (I really feel it's unhelpful in the long run), eating well (easy on the sugar and caffeine and big meat meals), and staying busy.

When I first figured out I had tinnitus last year I was totally ready to jump of a bridge for the lost silence I was mourning. After reading some more about it, it became clear that while ringing in your ears is annoying (for mild cases, I'm sure it's debilitating for more severe cases but that's not what I have) the BIG deal was the anxiety of 1) will I lose my hearing? 2) is this going to get worse? 3) is this the beginning of some degenerative nerve disease like MS or something? Once I realized that I was having a main course of anxiety with a side dish of ringing ears, I worked on that angle more and found it to be helpful.

I sort of view it as a chronic manageable health issue and try not to let my unawareness of my anxiousness slop over into the rest of my life. My Mom manages this much less well. She's snappish and irritable with me and my sister primarily because she's trying so hard to hold it in with everyone else that she "relaxes" around us and is a total bitch. I try hard not to be that person and try to communicate this to the other anxious people in my family, trying to differentiate between what is a genuine problem that needs attention and what is my anxiety making me obsess over something that more attention isn't realy going to help. I have mixed success with it, but I definitely don't feel that it takes over my life the way I feel like it used to.

Jess, I don't have the ringing sound so much as the clicking one. I'm not sure what it's called (I think I'd read about it on Mefi somewhere--it had to do with the cartilage in your ear being damaged or something) and it was such a relief to know that I wasn't going mad/losing my hearing.

At first, it was unbelievably hard to bear, I would (like you) feel like killing myself. But gradually, over a couple of months, it became less stressful, and now I've kind of gotten used to it. I think if I didn't hear it anymore it would start to bother me.

But it was good to know what was wrong with me, instead of worrying about the worst case scenario. (Always helps to have all the information in front of you than to sit in the dark and hope it's not something life-threatening.)