One of my secret guilty pleasures is →[More:] ...catalogues.

I love 'em. I get a frisson of excitement when the new Argos book comes out, even though it now weighs about 10lbs and I always make the mistake when I see the 8ft cube of catalogues in the store to grab one at once in case they all run out and then I have to carry it around with me all through my shopping trip. Argos is the style bible for chavs throughout the UK. Its Elizabeth Duke jewellery is particularly stylish and classy.

And I love the Sky Mall catalogue - it truly is the highlight of my transatlantic flights. Where else can you find a set of dog stairs ("Sturdy yet lightweight pet stairs make it easy for pets to climb to couches, beds, and other furniture that is otherwise difficult for them to reach... ") being sold on the same page as a dog tazer ("Train your pets to stay off furniture ..")?

Then I get a few catalogues through the post, my favourite one being Lakeland. As a keen cook, I salivate over some of the gadgets on sale.

I recently received a Westfalia catalogue, a new company to me, but apparently an old-established German business. They have tools! And farm things (how did I ever manage without one of these?) The Westfalia catalogue, like the website, is written in a strange Germanic English which scares me. I daren't click on the link for "Boiling down apparatures"

But today I received the absolute zenith of mail-order catalogues - Temps L. I'd never heard of them, but they sell the kind of items that are too crappy even for As Seen On TV infomercials. Seriously. I'm not kidding (how Marge Simpson would love that mat!)

And, there can be no doubt about it, Temps L sells the most useless item ever made. But the most awesome. Scroll down the page to see the full awesomeness of it.