Wow, lilywing, that's so awful. I'm assuming that with the son, his father sued for custody and won, but her daughter has a different father? Who is MIA?

Is the daughter with her grandmother now? I really hope for her sake that she can just stay there seamlessly, without having to go back to the mother, and then be removed again by child services. It's so heartbreaking.

I'm sorry lilywing. Alcoholism is described in AA literature as "the rapacious creditor" - which means that, if you are an alcoholic, it'll get you in the end.

It sounds as if your friend is an end stage alcoholic and there is usually no happy outcome for people who are this far gone. Even if people at this stage are able to stop drinking, sometimes too much damage is done and they die as a result of the damage they've inflicted on their bodies anyway. (My friend Dave, who died last Friday, is a case in point. By the time he got sober, about 8 years ago, his liver was so damaged by cirrhosis and hepatitis that he knew it would kill him eventually.)

There's no saying how long your friend might live. I've seen people drink, be hospitalised, go home, drink again, go back into hospital, on what seemed to be a never-ending loop and each time I'd think "this surely must be the last go-round" but they'd, well, not exactly bounce back, more like crawl back, and do it all over again. I have to say that every single one of the people I knew who did this died eventually, but usually months, sometimes years, after everyone expected them to, even when they hadn't a pick on their bones and could barely walk.

From the hospital's perspective, this woman is a nuisance and they'll want her out of there to free up the bed for another patient as soon as possible. So, yes, the likelihood is that she'll be sent home as soon as she's ambulatory, and of course the cycle will begin again. It could kill her in a few days, or it might be several more years.

As far as the daughter's concerned, if the grandmother is able to step up and take care of her, this will make Child Services' job a whole lot easier (provided the grandmother has no alcohol/drug/hooker issues herself, of course). Their resources are stretched, so if they can avoid having to use a foster family to place a child, they'll willingly accept a stable family member as carer for the child.

Perhaps the grandmother could do a pre-emptive strike - have the child live with her while the mother's in hospital and then apply for custody/residence when she knows her daughter's about to be discharged. It might help to take video/photos of the state of the home she was living in.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I feel for your friend - there but for AA go I - but the sad reality is that most alcoholics die of alcoholism and the only thing you can do is an exercise in damage limitation for her daughter, and for yourself.

My sister calls them "useless internet hugs" but I don't think they're useless.

(((lilywing13)))

I don't, either. ((lilywing13 and the little girl and the mother and the family))

((((((((((lilywing13))))))))))))

yes, she could die at any time. but remember, so could anyone. she may be on the verge of a surrender to the "rapacious creditor" and a cease-fire. drinking is only an attempt to beat the beast, and the beast won't be beaten. resigning from the battle is the beginning of hope. many of us have to be chewed up almost beyond belief before we'll admit defeat. so, in a perverse way, the fact that everything has gone to hell again is a light at the end of the tunnel. it's harrowing for loved ones and certainly a nightmare a child doesn't deserve, but there is cause for hope. having discovered that i am a praying man, i'll be praying for her and her daughter.

I knew someone who took six years to die from the time of his first alcoholism-induced hospitalisation. I was removed from the day-to-day unpleasantness of his worsening condition, but even relayed from a distance, the round of recoveries, relapses and readmissions was stressful. I think that during his last years, his thirst was all that kept him alive. I wish I had some helpful or heartening advice for you... I will be keeping you & your neighbour's family in my thoughts.

Man oh man...That's a sad damned story lilywing. Man, I'll be thinking good thoughts for the poor child.

Sorry to hear that, lilywing. Good luck to you, your friend, and the kids involved. Useless internet hugs.

What they ^^^ said. (((lilywing)))

Thanks very much, all of you.

None of those hugs are ever useless. I appreciate the hugs and the prayers more than I describe.

We're doing everything we can for the little girl. Her grandmother lives a few states away and has made no indications about traveling here yet. I received the news today that it appears my friend will likely be released tomorrow morning, so we're hoping the grandmother heads out, oh I dunno, yesterday. The grandmother is a recovering alcoholic (correct term? She's been totally sober for years now.) and appears to be stable. The friend's entire family has been in as much denial as she has, though, so I just don't know.

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories, too. It really does help.

((((((((((lilywing13, and the kids)))))))))))))))

*hugs*