My cats younger brother (Sadly r.i.p 6 years ago) and my cat used to play tag and run around the house chasing each other. My cat Henry1 (Henryett) is the clever one and the brother Henry2 (Henrytvå) not so much, so when it was time to end the game, Henry1 would dash underneath any low furniture such as the coffeetable, making a teeny turn right as he dashed in to avoid any legs, and seconds later you'd hear Henry2 chasing after him smack his head straight into a tableleg.

He fell for it every time.

One of my cats insists on going out and getting his feline ass kicked by some other neighborhood cat. This cat has his number.

The wounds get infected, and it's then that we realize that he's sick, in that he lays around like a rag, seemingly waiting to die.

In the last month, he's been to the vet twice, with two rounds of antibiotics.

He's huge, and lives large. He can't be an indoor cat, so now we're just letting him out during the day. To show his displeasure at night, he's peeing all over the house (i. e. the kitchen counter, also spraying me when I am sitting on the toilet, etc.)

Cats are assholes, basically.

My cat intentionally tips over her water dish and then tries to lap up the water off the carpet. It doesn't work too well.

One of my cats, Stripey, has a beard-licking fetish. He WILL lick any beard in proximity to his face.

The other, Spotty, is very smart, and can open the linen closet to kick everything out until he finds his favorite blankie.

(names have been changed because I don't really call them Nikola and Sven)

My little cat is a heat-seeking missile. She always knows where the warmest spot in the house is. She sleeps on the stove in the winter. It's an old stove with a cover and the pilot light keeps it very warm. If I've got a fire in the woodstove, she'll curl up as close to it as she can possibly get. At night, she sleeps between my legs (which isn't really all that comfortable for me).

I guess that's not dumb. It's really the only way that she's smart.

My pets never do anything dumb. They're geniuses. I'm the one that does the dumb things in the house.

My cat in NZ, (who now lives with my mother) loved to sit in sinks. She never figured out that the laundry sink, which the washing machine drained into, was a bad location. She got drenched from laundry water on no fewer than 10 occasions (and that was before I left NZ, which was 6 years ago).

Shit, 6 years ago today, actually. Yeah, 6 years ago I arrived in the US. Whoa.

/derail

My miniature schnauzer Lacey believes with all of her heart that people on bicycles and people in boats are Demonic Monsters who are trying to take over the earth. She will give up chasing a cat or a squirrel to bark at a cyclist or a boater.

Django thought we were all in terrible danger from a stump with a stick leaning against it one morning. He got all excited and barked and growled and generally freaked out with his hackles up until I got nervous too and thought hey, maybe that isn't just a stump with a stick leaning against it! Maybe it's a very cleverly disguised Psychotic Evil Killer! Then I finally got brave enough to go right up to it and yes, it was a stump with a stick leaning against it. So I took the stick away, which made Django go batshit for a minute since he thought that maybe I needed his support in my Epic Battle with the Evil Stump, and then I tried to give him the stick. At first he was very leery but then, suddenly, his small doggie brain clicked on and he realized that he'd been being an idiot. At which point he grabbed the stick, ran off with it and acted like it had never happened, although he did take time to pee on the stump with a general air of ha! Got you!

Hahahahaa! Jesus that made me laugh.

The dumb one, Henry2, bless his luvvy little soul used to get into all kinds of trouble. One morning I was reading the paper at the kitchen table and I heard how he pushed all shampoo bottles into the tub. Since my tea hadn't hit yet I was too lazy to investigate. A few minutes later I hear this funny "lick lick lick *pop* lick lick lick *pop* lick lick *pop* *pop*" bubbly noise right behind me. I turn around to see a green very frothy mouthed kitty who apparently thought that bath bubble liquid was food having trouble keeping his frothy soapy mouth shut. Lick lick *pop* *pop*.

*almost dies from laughing at dabitch's story*

This is Charlie, who likes to sleep on his head. He's also the world's clumsiest cat, who falls asleep atop places (ie: the entertainment center, the couch, window sills) and then falls off. His long hair also covers the pads on his feet, so he has no traction, and thus will leap on a bookcase, and slide right off the other side.

≡ Click to see image ≡

Our dog Ally stalks other dogs. She'll see other dogs coming toward her, and she'll drop to her belly, and creep toward them. Not in any submissive way, either. It's like she thinks she's a lion and she's going to pounce.

My cats don't really do much that's dumb but Whitey Ford does take the fuzzy mouse toys and adopts them and holds them and grooms them. Kind, but odd.

Binky is pretty stupid. He does at least three stupid things a day - he's happy doing so, though. He will sit, jump, down, crawl, and speak 30 times for one treat. (He knows those commands but gets easily confused and will speak when I tell him to sit, etc.)

Lulu is a freaking super genius. She doesn't do anything stupid. She does fun stuff but nothing that I would consider stupid. Other than she's territorial about the yard and that occasionally leads to inappropriate barking at 1am. She is not cat aggressive but last night at 1am she barked at a cat in the street because IT WAS APPROACHING US.

When Binky and Lulu are being crazy and chasing each other Lulu will do the thing where she runs under something and Binky will ALWAYS hit his head. ALWAYS.

Monkey is pretty smart for a cat and she knows she's the boss.

Binky's lack of smartness more than makes up for Lulu and Monkey being smart. Binky does stuff every day that makes me laugh because he's so not bright. Binky loves everyone and everything. The reason that cat was approaching last night was because the cat knew I was friendly and the cat gets along great with Binky. (This is actually a cat I'm thinking about making a pet because it showed up and it's been around the block for a few weeks now and it occasionally sleeps in the garage.)

When the BF was a kid he had a young black lab named Jax and an older golden named Steeler. Steeler was smart. Jax was a frickin' idiot. He would chase Steeler around all the time, and all Steeler wanted to do was lay down and relax. So Steeler would let Jax chase him around the backyard, then run toward the house like they were going to run inside. But Steeler knew the sliding glass doors were closed and would just sit down on the porch. Jax would slam into the window, head first. All the time.

I was at my mom's house once and heard this clattering in the bathroom. I asked her what it was and she said it was one of the cats "running circles" in the bathtub. Sure enough, I went in and pulled open the shower curtain and there was a cat sitting in the tub, looking all innocent.

Stynxno's roommates' cat Apollo loves to lay down in the bathtub. After someone has taken a shower. Gets sopping wet. Weirdo.

i don't think it's dumb but it's a bit odd: Beatrix likes to go into the bath after i bathe. i'm not at all sure what she does in there but shhh, it's a secret. If she knows you're watching her or trying to see what she's doing, she bolts out of there like lightning and acts all embarrassed. i don't even think she does the same things in there, and it's not just after baths but especially after baths.
i'm cool with it. i just wish she was cool with it.