I'd skip talking to the vice principal and go to the principal, or whomever her boss is. Then if I didn't hear of a satisfactory outcome, I would go to the school board, and try to get the vice principal fired in a very public way.

danf - through my high school years, I noticed the same discrepancy. Use of the 'n-word' would eliciit a strong and swift response, while use of the 'f-word' would get a verbal reprimand at worst.

I'm not a parent, so I don't have much advice, but I think making a bit of a fuss is the right thing.

I'm a foster parent to two gay kids. One goes to a college program for high school kids, and I'm pretty sure neither word is used much in public. She's never said anything about it.

The other kid has dropped out of high school, but when he went to a special ed school, both words were used a lot but kids always got in trouble for either word. (It was mostly non-white kids.)

I'd skip talking to the vice principal

I disagree. It's best to follow the chain of command. For some people, simply failing to follow the proper chain of command is grounds to dismiss your complaint.

I agree with Doohickie. Start directly with the person you're concerned about. Only if you're not satisfied with the outcome should you go to the next level. And I think you're right to speak up, especially because you gave yourself time to cool off and still feel strongly about it.

Another thing my wife (high school teacher) said is that the administration (starting with the vice principal) will likely use "double speak" along the lines of "we treat all our students the same" but then say that among the student population the N-word is not tolerated but the F-word is, so she is just following the student norms. Or something like that.

Go get 'em, danf. And please report back.

And yeah, they'll use double-speak about how it's never okay to slander anyone, and then they'll give you some reason for why the F word isn't as bad as the N word.

Well, the N word probably has more baggage than every other pejorative word rolled together. But I don't think kids should be permitted to use either, really.

I'm wondering if this administrator thought that the n word would cause real trouble in the assembly whereas the other word would "just" cause some hurt feelings.

an aside...I was in a couple of racial reconciliation plays a few years ago, with a mixed cast. During rehearsals, during a discussion, one of the white actors used the n word in his discussion.

It was as if every single face in that room had been slapped at the same time. The emotional punch to the gut was palpable. This even though not a single solitary one of us in that room was in any way, shape or form a racist.

The word holds just that much power.

And then there's this, where suspicion is grounds for expulsion.

I hate people.

Well, this vice principal is the only admin staff in that school that I respect. In my job, she is my go-to person, meaning she follows, up, returns my calls, does stuff, etc. The principal, who was also her middle school principal, (he moved when she did) is a nice guy, an Indigo Girl fan, who has never followed up on any concerns, professional, or parental, that I have ever brought to him.

She is a very light-skinned African American whom a lot of the students call "Condoleeza," and not in a good way.

I respect her, and want to hear what she says about this. But I WILL sit down with her.

(This after wanting to publically shame her, last night, after hearing about all this.)

I think the intervention on her part was ill-considered, but she was also trying to deal with something that is sort of a minefield of complexity - and in the end she made a decision that was nonsensical and ultimately damaging to the effort.

I'm guessing, though, that the speaker was white, because had he been black, I doubt that she would have censored the word. Nobody is going to tell an African American that they can't say the word "nigger" when talking about how hateful and demeaning it is, or tell a woman that she can't use the words "whore" or "ho" to talk about abusive language directed towards females... or demand that a gay guy not use the word "faggot" when talking his experience of hate language. It's pretty much accepted that the targets of these terms can use the words to discuss their meaning and impact, or even "own" them culturally, if they choose.

When the words are used by those outside the target groups, the wicket becomes a lot stickier, even when the message is that the word is bad. It's possible she made a judgment call based on the pretty much mutually agreed concept that white people talking anything "nigger" is almost always off the map... but then also felt like a gay person talking about the word "faggot" shouldn't be disallowed.

But of course, in the context of discussing the power of words, demanding that one hateful term must not ever be articulated, while allowing another is... yes, totally F-worded Up (uh huh, the other F word. Actually THE F word. Which is very possibly another reason she didn't demand that "faggot" be X-worded. It's all so messed up.)

Anyway. I'm not at all saying this was a just or wise choice, but simply that it may be a bit less biased than it at first appears. Or it may be every bit as biased as it appears. So, yeah - talk to her, see what she has to say.

I'm going to go a bit astray from everyone else's advice, just because pretty much everyone I knew in high school, college and now is queer or a queer ally and I'm pretty familiar with this type of situation. I also do some work with kids dealing directly with empowerment and community activism.

I say, don't get directly involved -tell the kids to deal with it. Not to say their concerns are unimportant or should be written off. Let them make it a project for their circle or school group, and this way they can learn firsthand about grassroots organization and getting involved. The most important lesson for young people who are part of a marginalized group is how to work through a bureaucratic process. Radical activism is fine and dandy, but going up the chain of command and learning how to file a formal complaint is equally valuable.

If they are ignored, they can tell the VP that they hope to take this matter and turn it into a community awareness campaign - posters, letters to the school board and to the local paper. Even if they "lose", they are still going to learn a lot and get a sense of agency in a system by which they are feeling disenfranchised.

Not only will it help the kids, but it keeps your nose clean, and keeps you from having to jeopardize a working relationship you have with this woman. Besides, the kids aren't always going to have someone to fight their battles for them, so let them get a jump start. If they are not willing to take it forward, then it's clearly not that big a concern to them on a day-to-day basis. You can be there on the sidelines, offering advice and support.