At least now she'll get the help she needs. I'm told she was knocking on neighbours doors in the middle of the night, and an ambulance was called. She was dressed in a party outfit and was telling everyone she was organising a party for celebrity guests.

I've just spoken to the hospital social worker, as well as Lesley's oldest friend, Val, who's stood by her through thick and thin over the last 30-odd years. My sister has been very careful in making sure I didn't have Val's number, nor she mine, but once she was in hospital, Val was able to get my number off Lesley's cellphone.

Lesley's has a number of fallings-out with Val over the years, always when Val has tried to warn her about the unsuitable men she's hooked up with, and when those relationships have crashed and burned, she's always needed Val. But Val's patience with my sister is at an end too.

The immediate practical worry is my sister's animals - in particular the dogs. She has two long-haired dachshunds and a 3-year-old Springer Spaniel that was born without eyes. It should have been put down at birth but my sister insisted on saving it, and it's a handful. Springers are high-maintenance dogs at the best of times, and to have one that constantly runs into things is twice the work. I don't recall her ever taking it for a walk in all the times I've visited her. The cat and goldfish will be no problem for neighbours to care for, but I think the RSPCA will have to take the dogs for the time being.

I have no plans to go and visit her at the moment. I just spoke to the hospital and she's there as a voluntary patient which means she could leave at any time. She won't see a doctor until tomorrow. I said to the nurse that her big worry will be the animals, so if she says she needs to leave to feed them, they must tell her that the animals are being looked after.

I hope she doesn't walk out of the hospital before she's seen a psychiatrist. That would be the worst thing that could happen. If she tries, I hope they realise she's a danger to herself. Apparently there were a number of suicide attempts I didn't know about, with her putting plastic bags over her head.

In the long term I think all this means my sister will lose her jobs and her house, but maybe that's what needs to happen for her to rebuild her life.

From the things Val told me, I feel that my sister has effectively thrown the help I gave her in June in my face. Val said that within days of my visit in June, when I took over my sister's mortgage and bills for a few months, Lesley was out partying, with a crowd much younger than her, in some really sleazy pubs. She told Val that on the budget we'd worked out, she wouldn't be able to afford to go out much, but that she had no intention of staying in. That's when Val tried to get my number from Lesley, who refused to let her have it.

OK, I need to take a step back, have some breakfast and do something with my day.

You've done everything you could and far more than anyone should feel they need to. I hope they can sort her out for good, but more than that I hope it means you won't ever have to spend time and money bailing her out to no use again.

(((jan)))

awww, doggies :/

Sounds like something that happened to a friend of mine. The ambitious party thing gave me a shudder of recognition. My friend was diagnosed with hypomania.

Good luck. I'm thinking of you and your sister.

What is it with our sisters, Jan? Anyway, I'm really glad (if that's the word to use) that she is getting some professional help.

Wait a second here... your sister has a dog with no eyes which she never walks? Are you SURE we aren't related? That's exactly the sort of lame-ass shit my sister pulls.

"OH! WE HAVE TO SAVE IT!" (and two months later, she's forgotten to even feed the thing)

She'll be in my prayers too, as will you be.

Holy smokes, Jan, a bittersweet event. Let's hope a doctor does indeed see her before she leaves. Warm thoughts your way, and do keep us posted.

Do they have rescues for specific breeds in the UK?...though handling this is NOT your responsibility.

Jan, I'm so glad she's on the road to getting the help she needs.

Is there any way they can be told of the suicide attempts, at least so she doesn't check herself out before seeing a doctor?

In any case, I think all of us can see what an obviously caring and devoted sister you are. I'm glad you can take a bit of a breather now and know she's beeing looked after and you can stop worrying for a while. Also, you have Val's number now, for the future!

Wow, jan, you sound like you've handled it all quite well. Here's hoping this treatment works for her.

This is where the guilt kicks in, kellydamnit, because I don't love or even like my sister at all. We're related by an accident of birth and would never be friends in any other circumstances. She was a vicious bully to me as a child.

But I feel obliged, as I am the next of kin and so am the point of contact for the hospital. But I am not upset about her predicament at all. It's as if it's happening to someone I don't really know, a friend of a friend.

The relief comes with thinking 'well, it's someone else's problem now.'

Jan, she's ill.

And sometime love is not feelings. Love is doing what is best for someone. By that definition you have done nothing BUT love your sister.

((((((((jsn)))))))))

I know she's ill, but, trust me on this bunnyfire, I have no feelings for her other than pity, such as I would have for an acquaintance in the same circumstances. Also, I no longer trust her.

I hope she gets the help she needs.

It's late for you now, so I hope you had a good day doing something for yourself. (((EJ)))

I'm told she was knocking on neighbours doors in the middle of the night, and an ambulance was called. She was dressed in a party outfit and was telling everyone she was organising a party for celebrity guests.

My birth mother used to do very similar things. She was bipolar. Medication and therapy can work wonders. I hope your sister stays in the hospital long enough so they can get her stable, and then gets outpatient follow-up care, too. I know it's hard to remember that this is a physical condition, but it really is, as much as alzheimers is. Truly. Thinking of it that way used to help me, to a large extent.

But I am not upset about her predicament at all. It's as if it's happening to someone I don't really know, a friend of a friend.

Sounds like your numb. I used to get like that too, with my mother. Sometimes you need that emotional distance, as a kind of protection. You have to take care of yourself, too.

I have no feelings for her other than pity, such as I would have for an acquaintance in the same circumstances. Also, I no longer trust her.

It sounds like a little emotional distance is necessary and healthy, Jan. And as you know, at the moment, trusting her would be unwise: she simply cannot be relied upon to make wise choices.

Take good care of yourself.


(((((EJ)))))

EJ just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to love (or like!) them.

A good friend of mine has a younger brother who has been stealing from him all their life. Mark had a paper route because his dad taught him to work & save & he really wanted a car. So he got one, loved it, washed it etc. John totalled it. Years later they shared an apartment, but it didn't last long since John was constantly borrowing money for drugs & beer, and not ponying up come rent check time.

Mark moved out of the state partly to get away from John, and partly for a job, but John followed a few years later and talked him into living together again. John was party hound night and day and stole a book of blank checks from Mark & wrote himself $3000 worth of Mark's money before Mark caught him & kicked him out. John also swiped Mark's SSN. The guy's a fucking loser. I pleaded with Mark to get a new SSN. I don't know if he ever did.

Mark finally kicked John out & refuses to talk to him, for good reason. I just heard from Mark this week and asked if John was leaving him the hell alone. He said yeah - hadn't seen him in years, and he was supposedly in some rehab place in Florida but was out now. He swears he'll never ever let his guard down again with John.

I just don't get how people can take advantage of other people like that, *especially* if they're related.

(((jan)))

My dad (who's a psychiatrist) once described mental illness as a carcinoma of the personality: when you visit a friend with cancer, you don't see the tumours, you see the person. With mental illness the tumours are on the personality, so to speak, so it's hard to separate the two. He also stressed that this doesn't mean you don't have the right to be angry with someone who's treating you badly, no matter what the reason. I found this image incredibly helpful in dealing with my mum.

I hope she gets the help she needs, and you get some much-needed breathing room.

I hope she has a wake-up call, jan, though I'm cynical and I highly doubt it. I hope you have no guilt over anything even remotely related to your sister - you've gone above and beyond time and again. Chewatadistance said it right - just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to love or like them. We can only wait and see where she goes from here. Thank goodness she doesn't live close to you!

This is where the guilt kicks in, kellydamnit, because I don't love or even like my sister at all. We're related by an accident of birth and would never be friends in any other circumstances. She was a vicious bully to me as a child.

Why guilt? If anything that makes you a saint in my mind! There's no law saying we have to like or love someone just because of shared genetics, or we have to forgive more of them than we would ever dream of from someone else. But you're still willing to do what you can to help her. You have a huge heart.

It's true - just because you are related, doesn't mean you have to like/love them. You do have some responsibility to them, though, hate it as you might. Family is the people who, when you have no-one else, have to be there for you (to paraphrase the popular). Good on you for living up to your responsibility and, yes, you have every right to bitch about it and her all you want.