Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd have thought one of them would've seen it.

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'we don't serve your king here!' The mushroom says 'why not? I'm a fun guy?'

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a double entendre. The bartender gives her one.

A duck walks into a bar. He sez to the bartender, "Got any grubs?"

Bartender sez, "No, we don't sell grubs. Now scram."

The duck leaves, but ten minutes later, he's back again.

Duck asks the bartender, "Got any grubs?"

Bartender sez, "I told you once, I told you twice, no grubs, now get the hell out of my bar before I nail those webbed feet to the floor."

So the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck is back.

This time he sez to the bartender, "Got any nails?"

Bartender sez, "No."

"Great!" sez the duck. "Got any grubs?"

A rabbi walks into a bar. The bartender says 'We don't serve Jews here.' The rabbi says, 'That's okay--I don't eat them.'

A three-legged dog walks in to a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my Paw!"

BitterOldPunk has told one of my favorite jokes. I've heard the duck looking for grapes, too. I usually tell it with the duck going into a hardware store and asking for duck food.

Also, funny duck voices.

Scientists agree: jokes about ducks are funnier.

A string walks into a bar.

Bartender sez, "Sorry, pal, we don't serve strings here. You gotta go."

The string leaves, but as he's walking off, the thought of such blatant discrimination eats at him, making him madder and madder.

He storms back into the bar.

"I want a beer, and you better serve me one," he snarls at the bartender.

"Aren't you that string I just kicked outta here?" asks the bartender.

The string retorts, "No. I'm a frayed knot."


I should have quit while I was ahead.

Scientists agree: jokes about ducks are funnier.

I should know! I'm a scientist!