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16 October 2007

Hi Bunnies. Band imploded. I'm Depressed. File Under "How The Fuck Did THAT Happen?" Long story. Our band is no longer, as of October 27th where we will do a final show and try not to kill each other. I've been with the same band for almost 8 years so it's like getting a divorce. Sigh... Thanks for letting me yell at the internets.
awww (((hugs KevinS)))

I'm sorry, dude. Tho I've never been in a 'real' band (those shitty wannabe garage bands in my teens don't count), I can imagine it's just like the implosion of ANY serious relationship. You're right to mourn.

I'm sure cortex and/or anyone else who's a real musician can give you more pertinent advise, but I've got a couple cold Guiness in the fridge and some nice, warm, newly baked chocolate chip cookies to share, k?
posted by lonefrontranger 16 October | 23:18
Wow. That's gotta suck pretty hard. I'm sorry to hear it. Then again, maybe this is an opportunity to explore new musical horizons & such?

Also: JAZZ ODYSSEY! Sorry, I had to.
posted by bmarkey 16 October | 23:23
Kevin, I know what you mean. It's not something to minimize - it IS like a marriage in many ways, further complicated because there are more relationships affected.

Sorry to hear it. Hopefully this will work out as a creative opportunity for you, and a chance to find something that works better, musically and personally.
posted by Miko 16 October | 23:28
I'm sorry too. Eight years is a really long time for a band, you are right, it's about the length of a marriage type relationship - seven year itch and all that. Any creative partnership goes through the same stages - attraction, infatuation, love, boredom, dysfunctional - I'd say a healthy period of mourning is in order, then on to bigger and better or at least different things for all. I don't mean to sound insensitive and I feel like I do, but I've been through it with a comedy group, I left after five or six years and yes, it all "fell apart" after I left, but then it sort of took on a new form without me, and nobody hates me anymore. It'll be ok.
posted by rainbaby 16 October | 23:29
Wow, sorry to hear this - it seemed like things were going really well, too. So who gets custody of the tour bus?
posted by dg 16 October | 23:35
I love your kind words and I appreciate them so much. I was all "fuck it - big deal" but like any good grief process, I'm starting to feel that little tinge. On one level, yeah, it's only a band but in the time I've been in it, we've seen the birth of a couple babies and a pair of weddings. It sort of gave me pause to think about that. It has been a long time.

LOL dg. Yeah, good question. A 45 foot tour bus shouldn't sit and rot. It looks like our manager will have plenty of business (rentals, driving cross country) so it's not a loss.

posted by KevinSKomsvold 16 October | 23:56
Eight years? Shit man that has to hurt. Sorry.
posted by arse_hat 17 October | 00:03
On the positive side, you can reform after another 10 years and kick ass in any number of sold out venues.
posted by seanyboy 17 October | 02:13
Wow, so sorry to hear that. You put your soul into any artistic endeavor and to have it bust is awful. Plus, the hardest part is the personal relationships can crumble away after all the good times together.

There's no easy way to get beyond this, but have faith that you will.

posted by mightshould 17 October | 07:34
Ouch. The good thing is, the creative urge will surface again after grieving the loss of the group. Maybe it's like a spider, or a crab - it can't grow unless it sheds?

((((KevinSKomsvold))))
posted by chewatadistance 17 October | 07:42
Wow, that bites. Sorry to hear it. If you need to toss back some whiskey and bemoan fate, say the word, I'll buy the first round.
posted by crush-onastick 17 October | 08:55
I'm sorry KevinSKomsvold.
posted by drezdn 17 October | 08:57
Ugh, so sorry to hear it, KevinS. What the others said... grieve for it, then hopefully you can take your grief and turn it into inspiration.
posted by BoringPostcards 17 October | 09:12
Man, that's bad, bad news.

When my first at-least-sort-of-serious band broke up, I was gutted for about 6 months. Then I went to a Matthew Sweet show (which, if nothing else, proves that it's been a while) and about halfway through just got taken over with the urge to rock again. So I started reading musicians-looking-for-musicians ads in the local alt-weekly (once again, this was pre-Craigslist, at least for Minneapolis), tried out for a couple of bands, and eventually wound up in a situation that's been really great for me for like 7 years now.

So I guess my point is: you're not done rocking.
posted by cobra! 17 October | 09:15
I'm sure cortex and/or anyone else who's a real musician can give you more pertinent advise

Avoid drunken recriminations. Try to make sure no one drinks to the point of puking on the night of the last show. That's really all I've got for the pertinent stuff.

I've never gone anything like eight years in a band—I really only joined my first band four or five years ago, and that lasted for two before, yeah, breaking the hell up. I've been through another form-and-break since then, less naively and less emotionally; and I am, of course NEVAR BREAKING UP with my current band—unless someday we do after all.

It's a weird, profound-yet-banal experience, breaking up, just like the dissolution of any other long-term relationship. Because there's no such thing as a black-and-white, cut-and-dried take on it. It's all messy and shared responsibilities and compromises all around. Any attempt at a satifying Fuck Those Guys summation of the situation requires so much reaching and self-delusion that it's better if nobody really tries and everybody just does their best to honestly accept the irreconcilables with a modicum of dignity and mutual respect.

Bands are hard things, and going eight years is a hell of a run. There are fuckers out there who can't keep that shit together that long even when they're making piles of goddam money. Doing it out of love and maybe subsistence? Crazy talk. You have to be nuts. You have to really, really try, and sometimes that's still just not enough.

The two things that really struck me when my first band broke up were the sense of relief that came with everything else, and excitement I had about doing something different. All the problems with the band—all the things I was interested in doing that we weren't collectively getting behind, all the frustrations I had with the musical preferences or hangups or limitations of this bandmate or that, all the social baggage that was bringing down my enthusiasm about The Goddam Music—went poof. It was scary and wonderful to look at a long flat horizon suddenly unblocked by the demolition of this structure I'd spent the previous couple of years housed in.

Think about what you haven't been doing, musically, because you've been in this band. And think about what you really liked about being in this band. And when you're rarin' to go again, remember those things and make sure they inform the decisions you make about your next thing, and stick to your guns and have some patience, and I guarantee it'll only be better.
posted by cortex 17 October | 10:02
Try and make the most of the last show, don't let anyone try and bring you down. Show them what they will be missing and make it bittersweet, take with it what you can. Maybe it will make sure you know why it's ending, maybe it will make people remember why it worked.
But you will love again.
Maybe it's the right time for you to run into others.
Maybe it's the right time to get your head together and figure out what works for you.
Maybe some alone time will let you find out what you can do.
Play the field, don't be serious, make it fun again.

Burn down the bar when you go.
posted by ethylene 17 October | 10:43
and I am, of course NEVAR BREAKING UP with my current band—unless someday we do after all.

That's right, cortex, you signed the contract in blood.

KevinSKomsvold: I was in a band for about 10 years that never officially broke up, we just came home from a tour and didn't really talk to each other or do anything for about a year. Then, when we started trying to record things again, people moved away. It's still painful after 7 years to listen to recordings from that time for me. It was a lot of my life wrapped up in something as ridiculous as a band, but it was a great time and I wouldn't change anything about it even if I could (which always sounds stupid, but I'm not sure how else to say it at the moment).

There's been a lot of energy placed into the band that you're probably feeling was wasted at the moment. It will take time, but follow cortex's advice and think about those things that you want to do now. Would you rather play solo shows? Would you like another band situation? What type of music would you like to play? Would you like to place your creative energy into something else? Have you wanted to learn another instrument? Whenever you're feeling up to it, see what your answers are to those questions and go for it. Whatever you decide, make sure you enjoy it.

And eight years is an amazing run. You should keep that in mind whenever your thinking of it. Most people can't do that in any sort of relationship, let alone a creative one.

Good luck and take care of yourself.
posted by sleepy_pete 17 October | 12:14
Our Epitaph:

"The creative fury of our individual passions was too intense to be contained within a framework."

Hahahahaha.

Thanks everyone. I've had a few offers from people (news travels fast) so greener pastures lie ahead.

posted by KevinSKomsvold 17 October | 20:17
Dood! I'm so sorry. And I was just thinking to myself the other day that I needed to come see your band play and wasn't it a shame that your next gig was on the day of our Halloween party.

Come by afterwards. You won't even need a costume.
posted by Cinnamon 18 October | 00:47
I know some clowns who just got married || Someone fire-bombed the third floor of my office building.

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