MetaChat - People around here are yelling at each other.

MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.

15 October 2007

People around here are yelling at each other. I don't think it's personal, or even particularly upsetting to the people who are in the midst of doing it, but I wish they would stop because it's making my anxiety levels rise to not-good levels. →[More:]Happy bunnies! Rainbows! Kittens! Herbal tea on rainy days!

post by: occhiblu at: 12:35 | 35 comments

I need some sort of desensitization therapy. I'm beginning to think I'm argument phobic. (At which all of you laugh and laugh and laugh, I realize. Print arguments are fine. I just don't like yelling.)

Make the yelling stop.

* whimper *

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 12:37

Oh, also, by "around here" I meant my office. On reread I realized it sounded like I meant "on Metachat."

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 12:38

*passes occhi bottle of Jameson's*

this works better than rainbows, kittens, and teas.

posted by jonmc 15 October | 12:38

I tend (tend, mind you) to be argument-phobic myself. I can relate.

posted by malaprohibita 15 October | 12:40

my workplace would give you a heart attack. at least, twice a day, one of my supervisors will get in a shouting match (usually right in front of me) with somebody and/or I'll have the urge to brain some idiot getting in my way. That's just life in the big city.

posted by jonmc 15 October | 12:41

I am also argument-phobic. I think its because in my WASP-y household, by the time yelling happened, shots fired would be next.

posted by small_ruminant 15 October | 12:47

I have never worked somewhere where people shout. It sounds shitty.

posted by arse_hat 15 October | 12:48

Heh, small_ruminant.

posted by danostuporstar 15 October | 12:49

I think its because in my WASP-y household, by the time yelling happened, shots fired would be next.

Ha! Yes. And I wasn't even raised by WASPs. We just didn't really yell. Yelling meant bad bad bad things were happening.

Not, perhaps, a great background for an office that prides itself on being opinionated, stubborn, and diverse. Sigh.

On preview: It's an intellectual difference, which I'm ok with, it's just more that one of the participants has a habit of asking questions then cutting off the answer by raising his voice to weird whiny/yelly levels and I wish he'd both learn some patience and stop hitting that particular register.

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 12:50

There is only shouting in my workplace. It is why there is only whiskey to drink in my house. jonmc, i like the way you think. Anyone want to meet for a manhattan or sazerac tonight? It's a terrible horrible way to run a workplace and it is a reason I am always looking for the next thing.

posted by crush-onastick 15 October | 12:50

occhi, the people around where my cube happens to be bicker constantly. It drives me INSANE. What's worse is that they argue about the most mundane, meaningless things.

I feel your pain.

posted by mike9322 15 October | 12:55

Ha! Yes. And I wasn't even raised by WASPs. We just didn't really yell.

Really? We yelled all the damn time. If you don't go off in some fashion (even going home and cranking up loud angy music or by pounding a speedbag or something) all that anger ferments and can do worse damage.

(being in retail, I can't scream 'you fucking prick/bitch/asshole! Get outta my fucking way!' at everybody who annoys me, because I'd lose my job. which is why me and my coworkers bitch about them to eachother)

posted by jonmc 15 October | 12:55

People don't quit jobs, they quit their co-workers. I kind of like my day job sometimes, but the crazy people I work with really, really get me down sometimes. All the more reason to hit the road tomorrow (back to Leeds).

*brews tea*

posted by chuckdarwin 15 October | 13:00

Yelling at other people's not really an effective technique for managing anger, however, given that most of the time it causes more problems than it solves. As you pointed out, there are ways of dealing with anger other than yelling.

Though it's probably a decent, if not ideal, technique for lowering anxiety about yelling.

Sigh. They seem to have stopped for now, at least.

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 13:02

I dislike angry yelling, it makes me very uncomfortable. A little friendly yelling is ok, but too much can drive anybody nuts.

I grew up in a loud household. We hollered from room to room like a bunch of animals. My father told my mother she yelled more than his Aunt Winona, and she had six kids. We all managed to keep the noise down in public, thankfully.

Glad things are more peaceful, occhi.

posted by LoriFLA 15 October | 13:09

OK, now they're arguing about Larry Summers.

I give up.

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 13:47

You can have healthy families that yell and healthy families that don't. People handle anger differently - problems arise when you don't handle it at all.

We used to have shouting arguments at my summer camp for one reason. Once my friend G- and I were arguing about the fairness of something or other, and we went into the counselor lounge to finish it away from the kids, and we ended up laughing at ourselves because we really couldn't sustain enough anger to keep going with the impassioned shouting.

posted by Miko 15 October | 13:50

Heh. Arguments about Larry Summers never end well.

posted by matthewr 15 October | 13:59

Is Larry Summers a person I'd have to ... google ... in order to ...

Wait. Are you an accountant?

posted by chuckdarwin 15 October | 14:06

And award for best non sequitur goes to...

No. Why?

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 14:13

um... because you're a girl and math is hard so maybe you're too wrapped up trying to think of things your feminine mind can't fully comprehend thus making you misinterpret what's really going on around you?

i dunno, why don't you just go make cookies so the boys will like you.

posted by dno 15 October | 14:53

I think it's obvious that I'm simply choosing not to do math based on inborn preferences for mommy trucks and Steven Pinker.

Sheesh.

Also, yay, cookies!

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 15:00

The Internet is not a mommy truck. It's a daddy truck.

posted by mullacc 15 October | 15:18

Not if I'm always posting about my feelings.

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 16:22

Then it's a baby truck.

(sorry, too easy)

posted by jonmc 15 October | 16:37

*guffaw*

I was just trying to figure out why people were talking about an Economist at your office.

posted by chuckdarwin 15 October | 17:34

I dislike angry yelling, it makes me very uncomfortable. A little friendly yelling is ok, but too much can drive anybody nuts.
Me too - sometimes, our office is a madhouse of people yelling back and forth, but not too often. A good balance is great.

posted by dg 15 October | 17:35

I was just trying to figure out why people were talking about an Economist at your office.

Ahhh. He was president of Harvard, got ousted, and now seems to make a living out being invited and uninvited to speak at various universities throughout the U.S.

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 17:36

Oh, yeah... I think I recall reading about that (possibly). I'm very out of touch on some subjects these days.

posted by chuckdarwin 15 October | 17:41

I LIKE YELLING!!!!!!! I wish I could get away with yelling more. But I can't yell at the kids, because it's mean. And I can't yell at the mister because he's not a yeller and doesn't respond well to it. So I hold in my yells and wait for the ulcer and/or nervous breakdown that will surely result from doing so.

posted by jrossi4r 15 October | 19:41

But I can't yell at the kids, because it's mean.

So true, jrossi. I yelled last week in anger and my four year old said, "Mommy, you scared me. When you yell, it makes my heart cry."

That was one of the most precious and sad things I have ever heard a child of mine say. I felt horrible and cried myself. I apologized and told him that mommy will try very hard not to yell again.

Before I was a mother, I swore I would never yell at my children. Yelling is scary for kids, obviously. It wasn't a proud moment.

posted by LoriFLA 15 October | 19:51

When I was ten or eleven I went to sleep overnight at the house of a friend of mine. It was a larger family than I was used to; four boys (my friend was the youngest), and all of them (the four boys, mother and father) were constantly yelling at each other. This was apparently their mode of communication, since it did not seem to be anything unusual to them. It freaked me out to the point where I asked to be brought back to my house.

I can't stand yelling either. If I get involved in a yelling match with someone, something is seriously wrong.

posted by deadcowdan 15 October | 20:57

"Mommy, you scared me. When you yell, it makes my heart cry."
Errrgh!That's a heart-piercer. I would have cried, too. It's so hard, though. We're only human. I try really, really hard but still let out a frustrated, "GODDAMMIT!" more often than I'd like.

I grew up in a family where yelling was the norm and if someone pissed you off, you called them on it. And no matter what was done or said, you forgave and were forgiven because that's what family does. We're very close and genuinely enjoy spending time together. My husband, conversely, never saw his parents fight and any conflicts with his brother were stifled before they escalated. They're a horrid little bunch of passive aggressives who have been stewing over the same minor slights for decades and barely communicate beyond small talk. So yelling may have its merits.

posted by jrossi4r 15 October | 21:26

Hearing yelling, even on TV, makes my stomach hurt.

I grew up in a family that yelled. Yelling was not good, yelling was bad and stuff was often bad.

posted by deborah 15 October | 21:35

My mother was very into Oprah and both my parents read a lot of parenting guides, so we were pretty big on the honest communication thing. Or, at least, fair communication. I don't think we all talked as much as we should have, but I also think we had some good skills in place for dealing with conflicts, without yelling. Mostly.

And I don't really count random "Goddammit!"s in that mix. Random bits of frustration I can deal with. Extended arguments that start spiraling closer and closer to personal attacks ("Why can't you ever..." "Why do you always...." "Just stop it, for heaven's sake!"), with the accompanied slowly raising decibel levels, do me in.

posted by occhiblu 15 October | 23:45

← Hip-Hop || I think I accidentally deleted all the cookies off my brain's harddrive →

HOME || REGISTER || LOGIN