MetaChat - "Embracing Lifestyle Choices" (or management by euphemism)

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02 October 2007

"Embracing Lifestyle Choices" (or management by euphemism) →[More:]We learned recently that, as a result of atrocious management decisions over the last few years, one-third of the staff where I work will be laid off in the New Year. About three years ago, they took on 200+ staff to work on a project that they knew would have a definite end date, but instead of taking them on 12-month contracts, they gave them permanent contracts, with full benefits.

So now we're told that our workforce of around 800 will be cut to 500, and that everyone is being considered for redundancy.

Initially they'll be asking for volunteers, but if there aren't enough, then they'll make people compulsorily redundant.

So today I attended (under protest, but I was told everyone has to attend) a presentation from our 'orientation consultants', whose role is to assist us in making our 'lifestyle choices' and to 'ease transition into our lifestyle of choice'.

There was no mention of either voluntary or compulsory redundancy - instead it was 'VR' or 'CR'. No mention of unemployment. It was 'enhanced leisure'. No mention of early retirement - it was 'twilight transition'.

We were told about workshops that are being held, and downloads from the consultants' website, which will 'assist us in reaching our next lifestyle decision'.

At the end of the presentation, people were offered cards with the website details. I refused it. When asked why I said "I've already made my decision. I'm not volunteering for redundancy."

I want my job. I love my job. But I hate my fucking employers right now.

post by: essexjan at: 12:01 | 19 comments

Who thinks up this stuff???? Amazing.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 02 October | 12:06

Wow. That's just about the worst I've ever heard, ej... like something out of a Dilbert strip.

What I don't get is why companies (or specifically, HR people) don't understand that people don't like being lied to. Tell employees what's happening, straight up. Don't treat us like innocent little lambs who don't know they're going to the slaughter. Treat us like adults who are trying to determine our future as best we can, and give us the information, bullshit-free, that will allow us to do that.

That doesn't seem like so much to ask, but it seldom happens.

Good luck with the job... it sucks that this always happens so that you can worry about it during the holidays, too.

posted by BoringPostcards 02 October | 12:13

I get the 'daily Dilbert', BP, and circulated today's to friends at work.

If it wasn't so true, we'd have laughed.

posted by essexjan 02 October | 12:25

I've always thought "redundant" was itself euphemistic. You don't hear it in the US, where you just get "laid off" or "fired," or, when the bosses want to be euphemistic, "downsized."

But I must say, these methods really sucked. That jargon is incredibly insulting to people's intelligence and work ethic. I'd be pissed, too. And I applaud your stance: someone's trying to weasel out without having to sit across a desk from people and fire them. Dressing up bad management in pretty language about 'twilight transitions' is loathsome.

posted by Miko 02 October | 12:42

I hate to hear that :-(

I have no idea what's going to come out of my next meeting, either.

posted by chuckdarwin 02 October | 12:44

I'd love to know how much these "orientation consultants" are being paid for this crap.

posted by arse_hat 02 October | 12:44

The question I asked, arse_hat, was this: "Bearing in mind that [organisation] is paying you, how much of your brief involves persuading people to make that 'lifestyle decision'?"

The answer was vague and waffly. Nuff said.

posted by essexjan 02 October | 12:59

The question I asked, arse_hat, was this:

Heh! Good for you for not being meek about the whole ugly mess.

posted by BoringPostcards 02 October | 13:08

Yes, that all sounds too ridiculous to be true. The only thing I can think of to help is to suggest that you try to embrace a culture of euphemism. Say NOTHING plainly, and make them pay. If I were a little sharper, I'd try to come up with some examples.

It isn't that you didn't finish your report, it's just "alternately statused". You're not high on crack, you're enjoying a "temporary pleasantry moment"

C'mon people, I'm not smart today, help out wouldja? Help Jan with some more euphemisms!

posted by richat 02 October | 14:49

I combat this kind of stuff with very plain, very direct speech in the office. I ask "What do you mean by that?" followed by, "Well, why don't you just say so?" all the time. People resent my purposeful misunderstanding at the same time that they cherish the opportunity to speak freely. And the fact is, since I get everyone to repeat themselves, I rarely misunderstand anyone.

My boss asked me to "utilize" something or other last month. I asked, "Do you mean use?" He said yes, and uses "use" with me now. Baby steps, I know. Obfuscation is de rigeur when the bosses talk to their bosses, but when they're talking to me, I demand clarity.

posted by Hugh Janus 02 October | 15:01

"Twilight transition" sounds like they're going to be euthanizing the employees instead of laying them off.

posted by matildaben 02 October | 15:08

God, essexjan, how infuriating! I'm so sorry! And you WANT to stay working for them?

posted by small_ruminant 02 October | 15:17

s_r, I love the work, the benefits are awesome, I work from home 2 days a week. If I can ride it through these next three months and not be one of the chosen, I'll be glad to stay. I was a divorce lawyer for 15 years before I worked here, and this job is a piece of cake compared with that.

posted by essexjan 02 October | 15:31

Wow, that really is pretty ridiculous. Enhanced leisure? Jesus.

Sorry, Jan. I really hope you're not... euthanized.

posted by Specklet 02 October | 17:40

... instead of taking them on 12-month contracts, they gave them permanent contracts, with full benefits.
My guess is that, this way, they get to keep the ones they want and get rid of some (pre-existing) dead wood instead of potentially losing some good staff just because they're on fixed term contracts.

Sounds like the labour laws provide the same sort of protection there as here - employers can be required to justify why they can't afford to keep staff, so they have to talk about redundancies and justify why they have no choice to avoid risking industrial action against them.

posted by dg 02 October | 18:02

That's awful! I've heard people treating employees like children, but this sounds like some sort of animal shelter.

I'm sorry, hang in there. I hope you don't get euphamized, either.

But damn.

posted by lysdexic 02 October | 18:20

Wow. Were it not for liking the job, I'd suggest you do everything you can to throw sand in the gears. "Leisure alternatives" is such bullshit that it deserves payback.

posted by Five Fresh Fish 02 October | 19:23

Been there, done that.

I was once laid off with 3500 people. In one day. With no severence or extention of benefits or anything. Just... one day I had a job and the next day, nothing.

Go with the flow, Jan, and be one of the 500. But if the worst happens, don't look back (I think you know that though).

I hope it works out for you.

posted by Doohickie 02 October | 21:02

Eeee, Jan! I'm crossing my fingers for you.

posted by brujita 03 October | 00:41

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