It *is* abusive, emotionally. You've certainly every right to be hurt and worried, though I'm not sure there's much you can do, other than try to be their for your friend if they ever want to talk.

*hugs* I'm so sorry. That sucks.

My only joke came from a fifth-grader, so take that into account:

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
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Because chickens hadn't been invented yet.

haha that's about my speed. Thanks, occhiblu.

What's red and bad for your teeth?

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A brick!

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here! We don't serve your kind here!" The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

Three Texans walked into a bar, but the fourth one ducked.

Oh, CLEAN jokes...

Um:

A man and his giraffe go into a bar and get drunk, and the giraffe passes out.

The bartenders says 'you can't leave that lyin' around here!'

The man answers: 'it's not a lion, it's a giraffe!'

A man got a phone call from his doctor. The doctor said 'I've got some bad news, and some worse news. Which one do you want to hear first?' The man said 'Give me the bad news.' The doctor said 'You've only got one day to live.' The man said 'One day to live? What could possibly be worse?' The doctor hemmed and hawed for a moment before he said 'Well, I should've called you yesterday.' So the man dropped dead.

Clean is not a requirement...

thanks, guys!

here ya go

alright- a whole joke thread! thank you plinth.

A man goes into a pet store to buy some cat food. As he passes by a parrot, it squawks out, "Guess what?" The man turns and says, "what?" The parrot says, "FUCK YOU!"

The next week the same man is in buying dog food. As he passes by a parrot, it squawks out, "Guess what?" The man turns and says, "what?" The parrot says, "FUCK YOU!"

The man complains to the manager, and the manager assures him that it won't happen again.

The next week the man is in buying cat litter. As he passes by a parrot, it squawks out, "Guess what?" The man turns and says, "what?" The parrot says, "You know."

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,


(Scroll down)






"Does she still have the hiccups?"

Oooh, good one!

A young boy is walking down the street with his dad when they come across two dogs having sex. The boy asks his dad what the dogs are doing and the father answers that they are making a puppy. A few days latter the boy walks in on his parents having sex. He asks his father what they are doing and the dad answers that they are making a baby. The boy tells his dad to please roll mom over so you guys can make a puppy.

Q: What did Tennessee?

A: The same thing Arkansas!



Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!


Kinda dumb, but I stand by them!

along the same line as triggerfinger's:

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9

Guy answers a knock on his door and finds (your favourite scapegoat) outside.

YFS says, "Look mister, I need to get a bus ticket home, but I'm not afraid of hard work. Is there anything you need done around the house, that you would pay me to do?"

Dude mulls it over for a moment, then snaps his fingers. "You know, I've been meaning to paint my porch for ages. I even have the paint." Handing the can of paint and a brush to YFS, he says to knock when YFS is all done.

An hour later, there's a knock on the door. The fella answers the door, and is handed an empty paint can. YFS says, "All done. Can you pay me now? Oh, and by the way, that's not a porch, it's a ferrari."