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26 July 2007

Depressed... Does anyone have any jokes? [More:] My bestest, closest friend in the world is withdrawing inexorably into a terrible relationship. Because I'm not 100% in favor, I have become someone to avoid and lie to. My friend's lover thinks I'm doing my best to break them up. I'm not. Really, I've bitten my tongue and haven't said ANYthing against the relationship, but my friend and I have been so close for so many many years that it's hard to hide that I disapprove of the isolating and controlling aspects of the relationship. It seems abusive, although not physically.

If it were a great relationship, losing my friend would at least be mitigated by their happiness. Instead it's just breaking my heart.

Cheer me up, bunnies.
It *is* abusive, emotionally. You've certainly every right to be hurt and worried, though I'm not sure there's much you can do, other than try to be their for your friend if they ever want to talk.

*hugs* I'm so sorry. That sucks.

My only joke came from a fifth-grader, so take that into account:

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
*
*
*
Because chickens hadn't been invented yet.
posted by occhiblu 26 July | 12:14
haha that's about my speed. Thanks, occhiblu.
posted by sectorsf 26 July | 12:24
What's red and bad for your teeth?

*
*
*

A brick!
posted by Specklet 26 July | 12:32
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here! We don't serve your kind here!" The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"
posted by fallenposters 26 July | 12:34
Three Texans walked into a bar, but the fourth one ducked.
posted by BoringPostcards 26 July | 12:36
Oh, CLEAN jokes...

Um:

A man and his giraffe go into a bar and get drunk, and the giraffe passes out.

The bartenders says 'you can't leave that lyin' around here!'

The man answers: 'it's not a lion, it's a giraffe!'
posted by chuckdarwin 26 July | 12:50
A man got a phone call from his doctor. The doctor said 'I've got some bad news, and some worse news. Which one do you want to hear first?' The man said 'Give me the bad news.' The doctor said 'You've only got one day to live.' The man said 'One day to live? What could possibly be worse?' The doctor hemmed and hawed for a moment before he said 'Well, I should've called you yesterday.' So the man dropped dead.
posted by box 26 July | 12:51
Clean is not a requirement...

thanks, guys!
posted by sectorsf 26 July | 12:53
here ya go
posted by plinth 26 July | 12:59
alright- a whole joke thread! thank you plinth.
posted by sectorsf 26 July | 13:12
A man goes into a pet store to buy some cat food. As he passes by a parrot, it squawks out, "Guess what?" The man turns and says, "what?" The parrot says, "FUCK YOU!"

The next week the same man is in buying dog food. As he passes by a parrot, it squawks out, "Guess what?" The man turns and says, "what?" The parrot says, "FUCK YOU!"

The man complains to the manager, and the manager assures him that it won't happen again.

The next week the man is in buying cat litter. As he passes by a parrot, it squawks out, "Guess what?" The man turns and says, "what?" The parrot says, "You know."
posted by plinth 26 July | 13:13
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,


(Scroll down)






"Does she still have the hiccups?"

posted by govtdrone 26 July | 13:32
Oooh, good one!
posted by Specklet 26 July | 14:07
A young boy is walking down the street with his dad when they come across two dogs having sex. The boy asks his dad what the dogs are doing and the father answers that they are making a puppy. A few days latter the boy walks in on his parents having sex. He asks his father what they are doing and the dad answers that they are making a baby. The boy tells his dad to please roll mom over so you guys can make a puppy.
posted by danf 26 July | 15:39
Q: What did Tennessee?

A: The same thing Arkansas!



Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!


Kinda dumb, but I stand by them!
posted by triggerfinger 26 July | 16:05
along the same line as triggerfinger's:

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9
posted by sectorsf 26 July | 16:56
Guy answers a knock on his door and finds (your favourite scapegoat) outside.

YFS says, "Look mister, I need to get a bus ticket home, but I'm not afraid of hard work. Is there anything you need done around the house, that you would pay me to do?"

Dude mulls it over for a moment, then snaps his fingers. "You know, I've been meaning to paint my porch for ages. I even have the paint." Handing the can of paint and a brush to YFS, he says to knock when YFS is all done.

An hour later, there's a knock on the door. The fella answers the door, and is handed an empty paint can. YFS says, "All done. Can you pay me now? Oh, and by the way, that's not a porch, it's a ferrari."
posted by richat 26 July | 19:17
Spidey and Planned Parenthood. || Another exciting emcee update!

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