One morning this week my four year old announced to the house, and to his brother, that, "MY PENIS IS BIG AND YOURS ISN'T!! MY PENIS IS BIGGER THAN YOURS! HA HA HAHA HA!" I've never said anything about penis size in my life. I think it's ingrained in males to compare penis size, and be overjoyed with its size. If I were cruel, I would inform the little one, that yes, his penis may be large, but it's not larger than his older brother's.

To complete the penis theme, also this week my six year old asked why he had a "big" penis every morning. I replied that it's called an erection, and it's completely normal, and asked my husband if he "please explain further daddy?" My husband replies, "I don't know, it's just the way it is." I thought he was going to give a straightforward, no-nonsense lesson in anatomy and blood flow, and all my son got was an I don't know.

Did you get to the paper-towel rod anecdote in the comments yet? It could have been worse. :-)

That is hilarious!

Hilarious but... my wife swears she read that (especially about "my penis is big" and "I have a pocket") in one of those circulated emails at least a year ago.

I find myself obsessively checking the ages of the misbehaving kids to see what's in store for me. I certainly can't top any of those (oh, just yet, I guess) but the time my daughter appeared naked in front of guests covered in pantiliners wasn't all that fun. 20 liners out of a box, unwrapped, unfolded and attached all over her body, head to toe.

Yup, Doohickie, my mother forwarded that email to me about 3 years ago.

You should be proud of having such a reliable and absorbent child, carmina! Just hearing about her makes me feel fresher.

I'm having a hard time thinking of anything but the pteradactyl incident, which actually took place in front of friends of ours.

Thanks for glimpse of what life with a penis-havin' tiny human is going to be like in a few years, lori.

Just hearing about her makes me feel fresher.

...and lightly scented.

Son is fascinated by
a)breasts
b)his own penis
c)mascara

Oy.

I remember hearing a cute story about a little boy who wanted to help his mom get ready for a dinner party, and while she was greeting the guests he set the table with napkins. Sanitary napkins.

I can't remember who told me the story, but I do remember laughing very hard.

I am absolutely mortified to think that I may have asked such questions to my parents.

On the other hand, these are hysterical.

Another time, while walking down the street, he told a random stranger that she was really pretty. She said thank you, and then he added, "And your butt is so big and squishy!" She didn't thank him for that one.

DAMNIT, MOM! THE WHOLE INTERNET DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR THAT STORY! I WAS ONLY EIGHT YEARS OLD, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

All of a sudden one of my friends is going "what's wrong with her leg" and I look and there's a rainbow of colors coming from her crotch down her leg.

That's one Skittles ad that got rejected.

I have cried with laughter reading these. The paper roll one is my personal favorite.

The kid yelling "hey - what's in the box?" at a funeral made me cry laughing.