Fresh beginnings* →[More:]

I went back to my work place today because my team leader had called up and asked for me to come back. I was feeling a bit guilty for ditching everyone the way I had, and so I half heartedly decided to go and meet with the HR lady who had hired me, and who I had promised I wouldn’t be repeating this kind of behaviour to again (I had skipped work on two other occasions prior to this), so you can imagine how that conversation went. I didn’t have it in my heart to tell her that I couldn’t work for this company out of ethical reasons, so I had to sit there and listen to her lecture me about my responsibility to intimate the company if I’m not coming, since they were “worried” about me. They don’t seem to be too worried about the customers they work for, but that’s another story. Anyway, she was right to call me out on my bull shit: I should’ve quit in a professional manner rather than just going into a depression and into bed. But I doubt she would’ve understood the casualty of someone being a Manic Depressive Bipolar sufferer. Not that that should excuse my behaviour, but yeah—it is hard to be normal with this disease.
I think I could’ve hung onto this position though, if I’d wanted to, but it just wasn’t worth it. R___, the team leader, would’ve probably let it slide, and my Manager would’ve been quite disappointed in me, but even he (I think) would’ve given me another chance. The HR lady, S___, works in another building, so I don’t get the chance to see her (this was the third time in three months that we had met), and so I didn’t have much leeway with her. The conversation started on a positive enough note, but as soon as we went inside the interview room, she got down to business, and started tearing me apart. I just sat there and agreed with whatever she was saying, because like I said—it was the truth, but I think she overdid it when she said how lucky I was to be working for facelessinternetcompany.com. Alright, so they have 36 centres all around the world, but the one in India is crap, and that’s what the public says. Granted, you can’t go by somebody else’s perception, but when the people in your own organization are saying that it’s useless then there’s got to be something wrong. Unless you’re like one of the greedy bastards (and I don’t mean to insult any of the people working there, who were quite good human beings I’m sure, except in this specific case), who want to earn as much as they can, come hell or high water.
The meeting must’ve lasted about ten minutes, she’d kept me waiting for half an hour or so, and said that she wasn’t even in the mood to speak to me but did so out of her good grace. I said no problem and called up my team leader and told him that I wouldn’t be showing up for work officially from today. S___ said that she didn’t even want my resignation letter, that she’d terminate me effective immediately, which was good in a way since that meant I wouldn’t have to go through any paper work. (Did run into a guy who I knew from my office at the other building and up until that point I always assumed he was a smug bastard. Never spoke to anyone and always had his eyebrows turned up, as if he were sneering at you. Just before S___ turned up, he asked me what I was doing there and I told him, and he kind of consoled me by saying that I shouldn’t have done what I did, and that since now it’s done not to dwell on it. I have to say I didn’t expect such sympathy form him).
After wrapping up my work there I decided to hit a consulting firm near my house and they sent me for an interview for Dell. It’s a technical process, and since I’ve mentioned before I’m not that tech-savvy, I wasn’t sure if I’d take it, but I thought I’d try it out. The first round was an interview over the telephone but as soon as the lady at the other end found out that I was an undergraduate she said that she couldn’t process my application since they only hire graduates. It didn’t bug me too much cos I know there are a lot of jobs out there so I’m bound to get something. I’ve been told to keep in touch with the consulting firm since the Swiss National Bank is going to be hiring soon so I might go into work for the Swiss. Could be a nice change of scenery no? Of course, there’s always a chance of getting employment at the consulting firm itself, since they are looking for people with a good command over their communication skills and the English Language. I’m also going to be a little choosy this time and not jump on the first thing that comes out the door. Try and find some sort of work atmosphere that is more suited for my needs.
On the way back home I decided to hit the local Subway and had their special for a buck and a half (that’s 79 Rupees in Indian currency, including a coke), and then went to the store to pick up my dad. He’s a shopkeeper, runs a Stationary, and comes home in the afternoon for his lunch and midday siesta. We’re very big on taking Naps down here in Hyderabad. (My sister who lives in Cincinnati is down here for her vacation too, with her husband, so we had a nice talk. My Brother-in-law is a doctor, and so he was explaining to me the importance of taking my medication for my manic and depressive phases. The Olanzapine is what’s used to counter the manic phase of my cycle, and the Paroxetine is what’s used to counter the depressed phase, with Divalproex as a mood stabilizer. He counseled me in not stopping my medication cold turkey, but to rather wean off of it over a period of time, after consulting my psychiatrist of course.)

PS. Currently listening to “Read my Mind” by The Killers

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