Sorry, dabs. I know how you feel... but no - don't say anything. He'd probably just feel awkward about it, I imagine. The very best thing to do is just be a regular friend, and your lovely self, and visit and act normal... and even complain about your renovation worries. I imagine that one of the worst things for someone in that position is all the people who feel strange and scared and worried about what to say to him.

I agree with taz. It's probably a very common experience for him and it could be that the less dwelled upon, the better.

These things are sometimes more of a reminder of where our heads could be instead of where they are. I've been moping about lately too. Came in this morning to work and someone said "[Miko,] got a second? -" and I cut them off saying "Uh-uh, I have a meeting in 3 minutes." Turned out that he needed to tell me that my colleague wasn't in because his father had died, suddenly out of the blue, yesterday afternoon.

Perspective...so hard to hold on to.

Yeah, just smile. Don't put too much into it, just a smile, but hang around, talk, and don't be afraid to smile. Don't bother feeling stupid for not knowing what you didn't know, and acting like you didn't know it. Because you didn't. Know it, I mean. Now you do, and even worse than the people who are strange and scared and worried about what to say are the people who get so upset being around someone in the middle of a tragedy that they can't even smile. Please smile. It's really important.

And as far as griping over little things, it's totally fine. Someone needs to have normal problems so that these big huge problems don't outweigh normal life. If everybody hides their "petty" daily troubles, it feels isolating to the one who has massive troubles.

It's sad for everybody, and it's understandable to ask questions or show emotions or be distracted or self-centered or sleepy or joyful or whatever; scary things and grief are best countered by doses of human-ness (yeah, "humanity" isn't the word I'm looking for), and just being you, not the "normal" you of last week, before you knew about this, but the you in this situation, with the knowledge and the questions and the sense of delicacy and sympathy and propriety that you show here; being you, even if you're sometimes clumsy, is the best thing you can do. Sometimes tragedy takes with it one's sense of personhood. People need people to be people, especially when they need to know that people is what they are, too.

Yeah, talk about realitycheck. Ugh. Still can't shake being so outta whack lately. Gonna tuck myself in and try not to be such a jerk tomorrow. Hugs to you all, you guys frickin rock, ya know that?

I hear you, dabs (I like that nickname, I hope you don't mind). What a way to put a screeching halt on a bad day. I've been out of whack, too, and feeling that I should take things less to heart and enjoy life more. Things change too fast, and too suddenly sometimes, and we need to enjoy the moments, instead of always looking forward and wishing life would hurry up to get to "X" or "Z".

Ouch. Poor kid. Poor family. They're living my worst nightmare.

For what it's worth, I've found that people going through something like this get sick of answering the usual, generic "sympathy" questions (like, "how are you holding up?"), but are often grateful for the chance to discuss specifics.

Sure - do something. But don't run up and apologize for your behavior or anything like that. Just do something thoughtful and nice sometime. Like drop by with an ice cream.