The thing to remember is that THEY DO NOT KNOW YOU ARE FEELING LIKE THIS AND THEY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW! For all you know, they may be as anxious and nervous as you are.

Re the deadlines, it always helps me to make a list of what I need to do and work through it methodically, in the order that it's written until everything is done.

Oh, Grace, I hate to hear that you are feeling this way. Of course get a therapist! Work these issues out and toss them away. You are like the proverbial shoemaker, you know? You have so much compassion and fierce dedication to helping others, but you have so little comfort to give to yourself, and always demand perfection. You would never treat another person that way, sweetie. Never. Spare a little love for yourself, girl!

On the employee you haven't met yet, all may be perfectly fine, and I hope it is. But if it isn't, well - he/she doesn't know you at all yet, may be having some of the same worries you are, may exert certain efforts to establish/reinforce his or her "territory", etc. This is almost standard, and nothing that has anything to do with you at all. If it turns out to be the case, just be patient... a little time almost always puts those things to rest. Don't stew about it at all, just let them have their space to work out their own worry issues. I think most people have stories to tell of hating the "aggressive" new person, or walking in as the new person to what seems like a very hostile situation - and in the end becoming the very best of bosom buddies with the same people. It's so typical, it's almost textbook.

The very best thing you can do is learn to put these normal and standard worries about these real things that do cause us all some concern into perspective, and not allow them to become these huge looming monsters that torment you so, and I think that finding a therapist is great way to begin to tame them beasts. These are real and normal worries that you have... there's nothing wrong with you - but they are everyday things that you can, and do, deal with perfectly well, and mustn't be allowed to make you so miserable. *big hug!*

I'm not one to recommend pharmacology at the drop of a hat, but if your brain chemistry is off kilter, you will be too, until that problem is fixed. Anxiety as a stress response isn't always maladaptive, but when it is it can be debilitating. A human brain that is routinely stressed past its limits to adapt and recover becomes significantly less able to recover, by itself, even if the stress factors are removed. You know this, I think, and you know that meds or other therapies can take weeks to work.

No election, no matter how seemingly vital, is worth your health or sanity. No job is, either.

So don't go any further down this path. Get in touch with your doctor about a referral to a psychiatrist, and in the meantime, make a real effort to eat right, get some daily sunshine and exercise, and relaxation.

Hi Grace --

I've had episodic anxiety attacks in the past, and the good news is, anxiety is one of the most treatable conditions out there. It responds rapidly. If you are as wary of drugs as I am, you might find that you don't need to go that route as a first course of treatment. Ask about it! When I went in to consult about my anxiety I was counseled with cognitive behavioral therapy and then incorporated exercise into my life, and between the two the problem was scotched. This isn't permanent, but it is wise now to do something about it, because if you are a person prone to anxiety it's likely you'll want to call on the skills you will learn throughout your life.

The good news is your anxiety seems to have some very real causes behind it and will likely subside as you get used to the new position, requirements, and people. Whenever I have to teach a new class, my anxiety goes through the proverbial roof (I used to have to wear protection in case I peed myself, that's how anxious I'd get... TMI?). Give yourself some time and see if things settle down. A therapist might still be helpful in terms of learning how to better manage even "normal" stress/anxiety, though (I could use this myself; my usual methods of eating everything in the fridge and watching ten hours of TV aren't so great). It's good to remember that "good change" can be as stressful as "bad change," and it just may take some time to adapt. In any case, hope you feel better...

There's an amino acid called L-Theanine that for some people works well, it's supposedly has a good relaxing and calming effect without inducing drowsiness.

It's present in green tea, but also available in a more concentrate supplement/pill form. Googling will turn up other information and online sources

This is not a suggestion to rely on this in lieu of other help, but it may be helpful in short term /PRN situations

(((Grace)))

I've wrestled with panic disorder for a few years, which is a little bit different, but whatever kind of anxiety it is, it still sucks. My heart goes out to you.

Yes, get to a shrink. I've found that cognitive behavioral therapy has worked wonders for me.

And breathing. Breathing can really, really help. When you the anxiety gets intense, try to remember to take a few deep, slow -- slow! -- breaths from your belly (e.g., pull the air in via your diaphragm, not your chest muscles -- your stomach should expand and your chest should stay relatively flat). Some say this forces the body to relax -- I'm not sure I'd use as strong of a word as "force," but it really does help.

Aw, BTGOG, I sympathize. Panic attacks are the worst. My husband once asked what it felt like and I told him it felt like I was going to spin off the earth. Like when you're little and playing on the merry-go-round on the playground and some big kid or parent gets it spinning really fast and you lose your grip a little and can't regain it...

Fortunately, they've gotten much rarer as I've gotten older. Hope the same turns out to be true for you.

jrossi4r, that's exactly what they felt like for me too.

FWIW, BTGOG, my panic attacks were very closely linked with my monthly cycle (even though they happened all month long.) My doc suggested I journal more, take a very, very small dose of zoloft (sertraline) and get on the low dose birth control pill. I followed her advice and haven't had an attack in three years. So, you might want to check with your doctor and see if your monthly cycle plays a part for you -- and journalling more is always a good idea.

Best wishes, and know that we're pulling for you.

Thanks verrry much everyone for the suggestions, kind words and hugs.

*hugs back*

I have symptoms similar to this and so does a close friend. She swears by a gentle herbal tonic called (ominously) "skull cap". link

She is a professor of clinical psychology and a level headed mental health professional and so I give her opinion on this a lot of weight. It really helps her. (I don't want to mix it with my other meds)