MetaChat - A quandary which has vexed humankind for generations.

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24 April 2007

A quandary which has vexed humankind for generations. I'm out on the porch doing my favorite thing listening to music, drinking whiskey and beer, reading and netsurfing. I also have one of my favorite snacks, a can of honey roasted peanuts and cashews. And there's too many peanuts and not enough cashews, like always. (I like peanuts, mind you). The cans labeled 'Mixed Nuts' are even worse, not enough peanuts, cashews and pecans, way too many filberts and especially almonds, which I loathe. When will the nut people master the perfect mix? *wrings hands*

post by: jonmc at: 13:38 | 43 comments

Also the wind just blew the plastic can lid across the porch and now I have to chase after it like a fool.

posted by jonmc 24 April | 13:40

Ach! Now a freight train, about 20 miles long from the looks of things, is rolling slowly down the tracksbehind my building, drowning out my music. I suppose I could just buy a harmonica. But seriously, why is the freight industry fucking with my bucolic reverie here?

posted by jonmc 24 April | 13:44

Mixed nuts! Now there's a perfect topic for this crew.

I agree, always too many almonds. I roast my own mix now with half of the batch in pecans.

Oh, and could someone send Jon a beat up old Martin?

posted by mischief 24 April | 13:46

One day all supermarkets will have a 'create your own nut mix' machine, where you can adjust proportions to your heart's delight. It'll be like those 'mix the perfect colour of paint' machines they now have at DIY stores, only far, far more useful.

posted by chrismear 24 April | 13:48

Isn't there some bulk mix yer own solution out there?

posted by danostuporstar 24 April | 13:49

Huh. My brand of mixed nuts ("with macadamia nuts!") has too many cashews. I buy lots of brands and mix em together and don't let my sister eat them, cause she picks out all the other stuff and leaves all the hated brazil nuts.

posted by crush-onastick 24 April | 13:49

Nut People (sfw)

posted by tr33hggr 24 April | 13:50

I have always loved brazil nuts, but in the last few years, their oil leaves a weird film on my teeth.

posted by mischief 24 April | 13:53

No guitar, mischief, just a harmonica. (I actually live right between the intersection of two sets of tracks: the Amtrak ones behind me and the N/W elevated train to the East over on 31st Street.

I agree with you on the pecans, they are the finest nut. Lately I've been seeing smoked almonds in all kinds of great flavors like Lime & Salt and Jalapeno in the corner stores. Why can't they do that for the other nuts, dammit?

(on the plus side the frieght has pulled away and the iPod fired up Del Shannon's 'Little Town Flirt.' Dynamite jam, that.

Brazil nuts, heh. I was once in abar eating from abowl of mixed nuts and I said to the tender 'Wow that's the biggest peanut I've ever seen!' 'That's a Brazil nut, dude.'

posted by jonmc 24 April | 13:54

I always figured it was a matter of economics - more cheap nuts, less expensive nuts in the mixed nuts.

posted by rainbaby 24 April | 13:56

I'll bet it is, but I'd gladly play a buck or two more for a can of the nuts I like without the nuts I don't.

posted by jonmc 24 April | 13:57

Hmm..., wasabi nuts.

posted by mischief 24 April | 14:01

Don't get me near a can of mixed nuts. I can't stop.

I love all nuts and anything mixed.

posted by LoriFLA 24 April | 14:03

A study of nut proportions; she's cute, he's a dork.

posted by mischief 24 April | 14:07

Yep, me too, Lori. Any sort of nuts. Mmmm nuts. Mmmm salty. Mmmm chocolate covered almonds.

posted by gaspode 24 April | 14:08

Jon, buy individual bags or tins of nuts and roll your own. Problem solved. That will be $5.00.

Or you can pay me in filberts and almonds.

posted by iconomy 24 April | 14:10

Hmm... I thought I was the only one who liked Brazil nuts. Hadn't had 'em in ages.

Just finished my last class. About to turn in my daily attendance, stop at the ladies room, and head for the train. Be joinin' ya on the porch soon, love. No exams to write or grade tonight.

Just started reading Perv -- a Love Story, by the by, and it's hilarious, in a blink-really-fast-did-he-really-say-that kind of way. I kept cracking up while my students were trying to write their exams. They got a bit annoyed, I'd say.

Wave to the passing trains for me, hon. Or drop your shorts, as the mood may strike ya. *whistles*

posted by Pips 24 April | 14:11

she's cute, he's a dork

Ain't that always the way, dude?

(Also, I've been seized with a sudden desire to watch Get Smart. Sadly there aren't any reruns of it being aired lately. *pouts* World, cater to my whims, dammit!)

Pips, the mother in that book reminds me of my my mom exponentially amplified. And I remembered to leave the chain off the door, so you won't have to stand on the sidewalk yelling 'You left the chain on, ya moron!' like yesterday. My life is turning into an early '60's 'urban realism' movie.

posted by jonmc 24 April | 14:14

Dude, I totally want to switch problems with you for a while....my stress meter's pretty close to pegged, and I'd like to actually be able to get tense about disproportionate mixtures of nuts.

Oh, and...honey-roasted pecans. Addictive.

I buy raw almonds in bulk and roast 'em myself. Put 'em in a zip-lock gallon plastic freezer bag with olive oil, soy sauce, a little malt vinegar, garlic powder, ground sea salt and ground black pepper, shake a while, let sit, shake some more....roast 20 min at 350 F. Good stuff. 'Specially con cerveza.

posted by PaxDigita 24 April | 14:16

I buy a bag of cashews and a bag of honey roasted nuts and mix my own. It's not very cost effective but it's damn tasty.

posted by fluffy battle kitten 24 April | 14:18

Pax, I've earned my spell of drunken lassitude. And no matter what, it's still a matter of earth shaking importance.

posted by jonmc 24 April | 14:19

In the place where I grew up (Texas), Brazil nuts had a verrry offensive nickname. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

posted by Atom Eyes 24 April | 14:21

And I remembered to leave the chain off the door, so you won't have to stand on the sidewalk yelling 'You left the chain on, ya moron!'

Thanks, boo-pie.

*puts away bolt cutters*

posted by Pips 24 April | 14:21

Oh, here's more info.

posted by Atom Eyes 24 April | 14:23

Roger "earned," jon. No further argument here.

Lassitude looks nice, but difficult for me to achieve -- I have to go straight to "near-coma," which why "drunken" is rare for me anymore. If I get my job sitch nailed down, I may emulate Martin Sheen's hotel-room scene in Apocalypse Now, only w/o the REMFs applying the cold shower.

posted by PaxDigita 24 April | 14:23

Too bad there's no Trader Joes in the UK yet, chrismear. As it is, I buy one kind at a time--walnuts, almonds, pecans-- and stick the bag in the freezer.

Have you read Permanent Midnight, pips? I went to see him read in LA after he had written something for a free rag about Kathryn Harrison's The Kiss. After I commented on it he kept insisting that I was in THE INDUSTRY (I go to too many old movies) until finally I said "No. My grandfather owned the Pickwick." and he went quiet.

Bobbie Ann Mason has a story where the father calls chocolate creams "toes"--he won't say n-toes the way he used to.

posted by brujita 24 April | 14:27

Pax, my man, sitting here looking out at the row house roofs, watching people walk by, and listening to *looks at iPod Hi-Fi* the Clovers 'Little Mama' with a snootful, while still chattering away to friends is pretty close to paradise. Last night, Hugh janus came by and joined me for a while. It was cool.

Wish you were here. All of you.

posted by jonmc 24 April | 14:27

I never read the book, but I saw the movie and even though I detest Ben Stiller (he will never be 1% as funny as his father) it wasn't bad.

posted by jonmc 24 April | 14:31

oh, i would so love to sit and drink, smoke and listen to music in new york with the new york bunnies.

have one for me, jon.

posted by By the Grace of God 24 April | 14:40

"she's cute, he's a dork: Ain't that always the way, dude?"

That's been my experience in all my relationships.

posted by mischief 24 April | 14:43

Well, jon, tonight after the speedmarch, if I'm not too zoned out, I'll try putting some 1792 in an old briar and having a snort of Black Bush and soda with Aya (the overstuffed black cat) on lap. Better 'n' sharp stick, anyway.

posted by PaxDigita 24 April | 14:47

Gimme the almonds, you unappreciative bastard, you can have all the cashews from my can.

posted by casarkos 24 April | 14:55

Group me with the nuts nuts, please. I usually find too many peanuts in my mixes, mind (and it's not even a nut! How can they even sell it as such!). Other than that i LOVES me all nuts.

Not a mix, but Trader Joe's chili lime cashews are A+ double good.

Oh, and I ususally take savoury over sweet, so you can all keep your honey roasted, suger coated whatever...

kthxbye, amirite?

posted by AwkwardPause 24 April | 15:35

Three buildings down, a woman in a cutoff tanktop and pink shorts with 'Princess' emblazoned on the butt is grilling meat. The smell is wafting up to my porch. Kids are playing in the alley. All very evocative.

posted by jonmc 24 April | 15:36

awkwardpause: those trader joe's chili lime cashews (or peanuts, whatevs) are amazing. I eat them and eat them and eat them and then they are all gone.

posted by gaspode 24 April | 15:44

Atom Eyes - yes, that's what I remember Brazil Nuts being called when I was growing up in SoCal.

posted by deborah 24 April | 15:51

My father used a racist reference to refer to Brazil Nuts. He had a lot of names for different things that incorporated that one word. I don't think that he was a hater-type racist, although where I grew up was pretty caucasian, with the occasional latin person.

One thing I am glad not to pass along to my offspring.

posted by danf 24 April | 16:10

danf: I never used the term around my kid, but one day he surprised when it dribbled from his mouth. "Where did you hear that?", I asked. He replied, "Some black kid at school." So it goes.

posted by mischief 24 April | 16:21

mischief: that reminds me of a time I was up in eastern oregon near both the washington and idaho line. we were hiking along a river and there were some salmon in the river that were still in OK shape, and some indians also hiking and they were bemoaning the fact that none of them had their tribal cards, which would allowed them to legally grab the salmon out of the river.

i got to talking to them and at one point i asked about how they felt about sports team names, like redskins, braves, indians, warriors, etc. etc. one of them said that it's not really an issue, just some liberal whitey nonsense.

posted by danf 24 April | 16:33

Just so long as you don't use it to refer to a couch.

posted by matildaben 24 April | 16:34

mb: Some attorney must be extremely bored and out of work to take that lawsuit.

posted by mischief 24 April | 16:44

When I was small I wrote the company and complained that there weren't enough cashews. They sent me four cans of just cashews, the enjoyment of which was in no way diminished by the knowledge that my sister had probably eaten most of them from the mixed nut can.

posted by StickyCarpet 24 April | 17:28

a woman in a cutoff tanktop and pink shorts with 'Princess' emblazoned on the butt

I'll be right there!

posted by tr33hggr 25 April | 07:23

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