To me, they all beat the hell out of using "retarded" and "gay" as insults.

Duh.

Sorry, had to be said!

D'oh!

D'oh!

Duh ... Oops.

D'oh!

Duh, of course! Homer!

mudpuppie, I'm with you. Speaking of words, fucktard is pretty heinous. I can't stand the word. Today on AskMe I read, "You're a douche." Nice. I haven't heard that in a while.

For the record, I use the word duh often. I use it in a self-deprecating way.

They're words that kids are going to learn sooner or later. It's not about covering your child's ears everytime someone says/writes a "bad" word- it's about teaching your child the enormous power of words.

And I'll admit it- I have been known to call things "retarded". But only things that deserve it.

the other day i got a note from my kids preschool teacher telling me that my daughter has been using the word "crap" lately... (eg "aww, crap!")

yes... she learned it from me.

I've recently realized that I use "Duh" a lot. I'm trying to stop.

Not because it's a bad word, but because it makes me sound like I'm in elementary school. Which would lead me to believe that I'm ok with elementary school kids using it. :)

I'm not sure why "stupid" would be that bad? I mean, calling people stupid is bad, but the concept itself is fairly useful.

"Duh! Stupid!"
This is the whole conversation some six year olds have.

After "Jerk!" i had to move to Jersey for a year in third grade and start swearing like a sailor.

I agree occhiblu. The concept is useful.

Drugs are stupid. Smoking cigarettes is stupid. Unprotected sex is stupid.

wedge, ha, that's funny.

My almost four-year-old asks, "Are you challenging me?" and "Do you want a piece of me?" He loves these superhero shows and god knows what other shows or video games he's been watching. He also has been known to say "Oh my gosh!", which doesn't seem bad, but in these holy roller parts even "Oh my gosh" is offensive.

I'm bad. I say 'Jesus Christ' too much and a variety of other profanities. Especially when I'm with my sister. We're white trash like that.

This whole thing of trying to remove a word from a child's vocabulary is ridiculous.

If your kid calls someone stupid, you discipline because he or she is being unkind or rude, NOT because the word "stupid" was used.

Anal parents peeve me greatly.

in these holy roller parts even "Oh my gosh" is offensive.

I recall being told to say "Oh my goodness", because "Oh my gosh" sounds too much like... well you know.

When I was a tourguide, my boss suggested that I might not want to say "Oh my god!" and the like (which I tend to say a lot) because you never know the religiosity of the people on your tour, and when you're working for tips, trying not to offend is important.

The only alternative exclamation that stuck was "My word!" I loved it. I sounded like an 80-year-old prude.

I was just thinking about this today - when I was a kid I couldn't say 'shut up' or 'butt'

I like saying "asshat." Just 'cause.

Yeah, I'm not into some of the posts over at Metafilter freely slinging around "bitch," "douche," "c---."

I'm with bunnyfire on this one. Don't act as though the word doesn't exist. You teach them that such words are hurtful and it's the message behind the word, not the word itself, that is to be avoided.

My mom only banned the use or the word "duh" because I used it all the time as a child, ad nauseum. Probably because it worked its way into the vernacular around the time I was born. :P

I use the word "gay" in a negative context. I've tried not to, but it doesn't seem to work. It doesn't exactly help that all the gay people I know personally use it to in exactly the same context, thus rendering any "consequences" or "reasons not to use the word" utterly moot. I would never use it in "polite" or "formal" conversation, but then again I don't use the term "motherfucker" in those situations either. Same goes for "retarded." And "douche." and any similar word you can think of.

Say whatever you want among friends (who are ok with it, of course), just have the common sense to know that they're not completely socially acceptable terms.

/my take

Yeah, I have some lesbian friends who started using "that's so gay" as an inside joke, and then they had to make themselves stop because they kept using it out in the world.

And I definitely use "bitch," especially with gay men.

OMG it's so liberating over here in the 'chat. I ... can .. just .... post

Second bunnyfire and CitrusFreak12. If the word is in the vernacular then it's valid and you can't ignore it. If it's rude or hurtful like "bitch" or "tard" or "Jesus Christ" then you need to explain that while the word is used a lot it hurts and offends some people and should not be used. With words like "dude" and "duh" I explained to my kids that such words are OK among friends as a sort of shorthand but when used too often and in the wrong setting they are a verbal crutch and lead some people to question your skills and abilities.

Also, to echo Claudia_SF and CitrusFreak12, any word is OK in some setting but wrong in others. I would never try to shield kids from words but rather try to make sure they know when and where such words are acceptable and when they are not.

My 16-year-old Asian foster daughter is going through a hair-raising "phase" (knock on wood) of, er, exploring racial slurs. Especially (but not limited to) slurs for Asians. Yikes! I keep 'splaining and 'splaining about how these words are experienced/viewed, while consciously not reacting too strongly. I *think* the worst is behind us.

True confessions: sometimes it's sort of funny.

I do enjoy using addle-pated lickspittle when I can.

As someone who grew up in an environment where every insult, curse word and slur was used, I'm pretty comfortable with profanity. I don't tend to use them in front of children but if one slips out I just register the fact that I shouldn't say it and I move on. I think thats all kids need. Give them the words, but tell them they're bad words. The only words I don't like are the N and P words. Can't even make myself say them. Other than that. Fucking bring it on.

Also, last night I saw the "Words are like bullets" southpark episode. That made me pretty uncomfortable but it sure was funny.

The only alternative exclamation that stuck was "My word!" I loved it. I sounded like an 80-year-old prude.

One of my faves is from a tape of Casey Kasem doing some local idents for hundreds of local radio stations. You have to feel for the guy because the list of stations just seems to go on for ever. Anyway, at one point it's clearly getting a bit over whelming and in exasperation he blurts out "Good golly Miss Molly!"

It's probably the squarest thing I've ever heard, and I love it.

The only thing I change when I'm reading to my daughter is bad grammar. Junie B is a perfect example; she has the same problem with past tense ("runned" vs. "ran", etc.) that my kindergarten daughter does, and I don't want to further the mistake by reading the incorrect word.

Hi, LoriFLA...late to the thread, but here goes...

I think "duh" is probably a "particle" in the linguistic sense, and discussing using "duh" to yourself or in dialogue with others might be a good springboard to talking about hurting people's feelings.

I guess that the overarching principle is that Context Is All, and you can start teaching kids that, just as you might dress more nicely for church or when company's coming, you can do the same thing with your words sometimes too.

(To comic effect, occasionally: I once cracked up a bunch of sailors over beers -- deck was awash with F-words -- hearing about some Stupid Ensign Trick and, when it was more or less my turn to respond, quietly observing, "Oh, my!")

You could always start modeling the linguistic behaviors you'd like to see...Dad (WW II Army noncom) swore a lot, but I also remember him saying "oh pshaw!" and "Horsefeathers!" around us too. "Oh, snap!" is a great all-purpose exclamation of dismay too.

Oh, and....mad props for the Junie B. shout-out. Barbara Park is mah hee-row. I loved reading these to my son when he was little, although the bits I found especially hilarious went over his head.

Is 'duh' offensive because it's a watered down version of the old playground Downs Syndrome impersonation, or just because it implies someone else is a bit dim?

in these holy roller parts even "Oh my gosh" is offensive.

Crikey, really? Note to self: stop Muriel Belcher-inspired habit of calling friends 'Cunty' before traveling to US.

I've taken to using alternative expletives because anyone, and everyone, uses "shit", "fuck", etc. I used to use "Jesus Christ"* all the damn blasted time. It's segued into "geez". I like using "gosh" or "goodness", too. "Addle-pated" is a great replacement for "idiot" and "stupid". I still use "maroon" (thanks, Bugs Bunny!) once in a while.

On the other hand, I also like using "Holy Mary, Mother of God" and I'm sure that wouldn't go over well with the religious types. And words from other English speaking countries are popular as well, especially "wanker" and "bloody hell".

Oh well, win some - lose some.

*My four year old niece (who is now 19) continually cut through a chair and table even though she was repeatedly told not to do so. Well, the last time she did it the table fell over breaking the glass top. My niece put her hands on her hips and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ, Gran!", to my mum. Whoops.

I work with this wonderful Portuguese woman, Maria, at a church in Providence. She's the housekeeper. She cleans up the rectory, cooks lunch for us and prepares meals for the priest. Maybe it's a language barrier and/or maybe it's a cultural difference, but the woman has no qualms at all with using "Jesus Christ!" as an interjection. It's hysterical. Although, when she says it it sounds almost sincere, and very innocent. Cracks me up.