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21 March 2007
Are you happy? When you look inside and strip away outside actions are you, on the whole, happy?→[More:]Been wondering this about myself and am curious how others feel about themselves on this issue.
Depends on what time of day you catch me, really. Sometimes I'm thrilled to the gills by the smallest things, other times I'm wallowing in despair like a gaffed walrus. Nobody's happy all the time. Nobody's sad all the time. Even stripping away the externals. Blame neurotransmitters, God's will or the sycle of the moon.
Are you asking about the happiness 'setpoint'? Mine is naturally pretty happy. Outside circumstances and the human condition in general can be depressing, sometimes. But I really do picture it as depressing: like a heavy weight pushing down on a force that naturally wants to float.
If you mean what I think you mean by 'setpoint' then yeah that's what I'm talking about. When you aren't actively receiving direct outside stimuli that will influence your feelings dramatically... er, don't mean to make this all philosophical, just wondering where people's heads are at.
I'm generally pretty even tempered. When I feel like snapping at random drivers on the highway, or grocery store baggers crushing my bread, it's symptomatic of something else. But I haven't flipped anybody the bird in traffic, since leaving Atlanta.
So, yep, got it good, here. Reasonably happy, for good reasons.
My setpoint is pretty happy. Which I think makes it a bit hard to function when I am down -- I start to freeze up because I'm not used to all the negative thoughts; they feel like they're assailing me out of nowhere and have to work hard to make them go away. I get confused when I can't just shake off the unhappiness, which can make me shut down.
I can freak out about all the things that might possibly go wrong in any given situation, but on the whole I assume it will go well, that people are good-hearted and well-intentioned, that the bad things that do happen are unusual and generally due to bad luck rather than malice. I generally like where my head's at.
My setpoint is pretty happy also. I'm optimistic. I feel I have a happy personality if that makes sense. If I'm feeling discontented I know I always won't feel this way. I do tend to over-analyze and that never leads to happiness. I've been trying not to analyze so much, just be. I'm also restless; I often feel that if I had XYZ I would be happier.
At the moment, yes. Blame it on the love of a good woman and all that. The last 8 months have been a revelation for me actually. I've always been an even tempered kind of guy but at the moment I'm feeling this almost zen-like calm. Before that I didn't ever feel quite so well balanced. I felt happy and sad, as i do now, but never happy-calm. It's difficult to explain.
What's interesting is how the things that I write have politicised as a consequence of this. My usual style implied an almost nitzchian (sp) abyss. Dark things passing in the night with only the comfort of the odd sonar beep, beep, beep from passing others. I still feel that way to a degree on an intellectual level but it's not the same. Now I write about the things outside myself that make me angry.
No longer... "We are two halves / of the same bruised fruit, you and I / and when our ribs touch / I feel the pain of separation."
Now it's all; Isnt the government crap... etc.
To a degree I don't like it. A few friends have suffered an awful lot recently and sometimes when I meet up with them I feel like I'm just grinning inanely. I wish I was more on a level with them really.
I feel like a big chunk of my life is being wasted. I have two jobs, but no job satisfaction. I spend the majority of my days watching the clock. I feel weighed down by the burdens of everyday life. I don't want to clean the gutters or deal with bills. I won't go to the doctor or dentist.
On the other hand, what time I do have that is mine, I enjoy tremendously. I just don't get enough of that time.
On the third hand, I feel guilty just complaining about it. I'm sure there are many people who have it much worse.
Generally happy. Sometimes grumpy, often exhausted, occasionally lie down in a dark room miserable for no discernible reason, but generally happy. I have my honey, my job's not too bad, we're reasonably healthy (*knocks on head to avoid jinx*), no one close has died lately (*IBID*), we have a giant TV, and there may be hope for the world yet (I try to take the long view when it comes to the world. The five-hundred-year long view.)
Often, no. But grateful: yes. Always grateful. But things could be better.
Good point, amro. My "No" could probably be better stated as: "Happy? No. But I'm not usually bitter about that, and I've got an awful lot to be thankful for, too. And I am. Thankful, I mean. Doesn't change the bit about not being happy, though. Happiness appears to be a rare, fleeting event for me. But I'm growing more and more okay with that. Because I've found that I'm usually the most satisfied when trying to help others up their happiness quotient, anyway. Or when I'm alone, and not thinking about myself at all."
Fundamentally happy. Even when I feel sad, worried, stressed, angry, in physical pain, whatever -- I am essentially happy with who I am, the life I live, and the people I surround myself with. I am alive when I very easily could have been dead by now, given my multiple chronic medical problems. I'm in a loving relationship that until a few years ago I could have only dreamed about. I have a cool job (even if it is driving me UP A GODDAMN WALL these days) that I find satisfying and meaningful. I have a small but strong circle of friends and family.
It took so many years and so much work and so many travails (mental, emotional, medical, financial, etc.) to get to this point, that I am grateful beyond words every single day.
Happy mostly, but sometimes it feels like a front. I have to be "happy" at work while dealing with people, and "helpful", and all those other "good" things I'm supposed to portray to the public. Then I get home, like coming to a nest, with four open mouths all begging for morsels of my time, my soul. I like what Otis said, above. The time that is mine I enjoy immensely. And I do enjoy my kids, my husband, my friends. I am so fortunate to have all that I do, and I remember how bad my life was before.
I'm always afraid that if I get too happy, something awful will happen to balance things out. So I try to hold onto a bit of discontent at all times--like a security blanket.
I do believe there are many concrete things you can do to increase your own sense of happiness. Usually, exercise is an important one for me. I'll start to feel down if I let that slip for too long, and then feel even-keeled again when I'm back in a routine.
Am I happy? Not in the "as advertised on TV" sense. When I make the effort to get away, for a few moments, from the demands of modern living and family life and sit alone in the dark and listen to myself, I do experience contentment. Doesn't last long but it is a nice feeling. I try to do that as often as I can in order to save what's left of me.
I don't think it's good to be happy all the time (for me, please everyone else do as you wish) but like others have said I am often grateful and always amused.
Right now I'd be a lot fucking happier if I had a cigarette and a beer and some Korean fried chicken.
I am frequently dissatisfied, but if I do not have something - a lot of things - to pick away at with tendentious, incremental improvements, then I get fucking miserable. So in a way the dissatisfaction is part of my happiness.
I learned when I was going through my 12-step programme that expecting to be happy all the time is a sign of emotional immaturity. Instead, I look for contentedness.
On the whole, I am content most of the time. I have a great job, I love where I live, I am in good health, I am free to do whatever I want. But there is a sense of unfulfilment in respect of personal relationships.
I would like someone to share my life with, and being with George gave me an even deeper contentedness and that sense of fulfilment, with times of great joy and, yes sadness too (not just when he died - it took us a long time to get where we ended up in our relationship and at times it wasn't easy for either of us to make the adjustments).
So, on the whole, life is good, but there is a hole inside my soul which I hope one day will be repaired.
What amro said. I've always had a low happiness set point, yet I do feel lucky and have a strong lust for life. I'm a bit of a thrill seeker, sort of a happy moment chaser.
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