MetaChat - What would you do if you had an Internet Arch-nemesis?

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06 March 2007

What would you do if you had an Internet Arch-nemesis? →[More:]There's someone (we'll call him Gato) that I was friends with from High School through college that has spent the past 5 years bad mouthing me on the Internet.

A few years into college, some friends and I had taken to doing the sorts of stupid things you do in college. The ex-friend had a chat with me about the behavior and told me he couldn't be friends with the group any longer.

Shortly afterwards, the rest of the group split apart.

Fast forward to last year... While googling my old roommate's name (to make sure I spelled it correctly and I found out that Gato has repeatedly blogged about me (circa college) and what a horrible person I am.

He also thought I was married and had a baby, when (at the time) neither were true (the baby thing still isn't).

I lurked on his blog afterwards, never commenting.

Today though, I was googling something else related to old bands I was in, and found that he had put-down my wife (the real one, not the imagined one) on this music message board, and repeatedly said mean things (with actual names) about people that I went to High School with.

I'm not worried about people googling my name and turning up dirt on me. First off, everything he accused me of was in the past. Secondly, I have a fairly common name, and even my personal internet presence is more geared towards articles I wrote.

The thing is, on one hand, I want to admit to him that he was partially right when we had the original conversation, and I'm tempted to correct all the mis-information he seems to have about me and just be done with it.

On the other hand, I wonder if he's unstable (it's been 6 years since we had an actual conversation and he's still dwelling on injustices of the past) or if any good could come of it.

To me, it seems from his blog that part of this stems from his lack of successes in the dating realm. In turn, he seems to think (however inaccurately) that I was a hit with the ladies.

What would you do?

post by: drezdn at: 15:51 | 17 comments

Personally I'd continue to quietly observe. Do you really want to get involved with someone who is making stuff up about you because of something that happened six years ago? Six years. Come on.

Friggen creepy and weird is what that is.

Do you still live within the vicinity of this person or something?

posted by CitrusFreak12 06 March | 15:57

Take him out in the woods. Your first shot puts him down, then you put one in his brain. Then he's dead, then you go home.

posted by Hugh Janus 06 March | 15:58

We live in the same neighborhood, though I've never bumped into him. He does however work at a local theater on weekends and I'll occasionally see him there (maybe once a year, I haven't been to movies much lately).

posted by drezdn 06 March | 16:01

If you want to try to get an idea of the sort of thing he is posting... search the site obner[dot]org for my name (in my metachat profile)...

posted by drezdn 06 March | 16:05

Take him out in the woods. Your first shot puts him down, then you put one in his brain. Then he's dead, then you go home.

Hugh, you just quoted Tic-Tac from Miller's Crossing. I feel a bit of hetero man-love for you now. It's one of my all time top five movies.

posted by King of Prontopia 06 March | 16:16

What good could come of "correcting" him? Do you really think he'd change his posts? My guess is that he'd use the contact to open a brand new can of whoops-bash on ya.

Trolls live for new ammo, don't give him any. They also live to know that they are bothering their target, don't give him the satisfaction.

posted by fenriq 06 March | 16:18

If what he is saying meets the test for being defamatory, placing you in a false light, or a public disclosure of private facts, it would be a trivial matter to have an attorney send him a nastygram.

posted by dersins 06 March | 16:24

Good point fenriq. I don't expect anyone to go back through and delete what they've said about me, I guess I was hoping confronting him would get him to move on/stop dwelling on it.

posted by drezdn 06 March | 16:26

I'd say, either deal with it (have the lawyer send a letter, confront the guy) or put it from your mind completely. Don't e-stalk the situation- you'll only make yourself crazy. Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other guy will die.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 06 March | 16:28

I didn't know you were an Afro-American NFL referee. Congratulations.

posted by danostuporstar 06 March | 16:33

I think fenriq is right. Seriously, this sort of person will have zero inclination to correct the record; to him, the vendetta is not about the correctness of facts, but the correctness of feelings, and -- for whatever reasons -- he feels wronged by you and thereby justified in talking shit about you. All the correct facts in the world won't change that feeling; in fact, it'll probably just feed his animosity ("that asshole drezdn thinks he can tell me what to say?! I'LL SHOW THAT KNOW-IT-ALL!").

Look, people who are reasonably happy, together, and, well, reasonable don't behave this way. He's showing who he is -- a small, unhappy, possibly imbalanced person who dwells in the past and cultivates the negative. He's living in a kind of hell at least partially of his own creation. How sad for him -- and how fortunate you are that that's not the life you're living.

Don't give him another thought -- or, if you do, consider some compassion for someone so clearly stuck in his own misery.

posted by scody 06 March | 16:35

I guess I was hoping confronting him would get him to move on/stop dwelling on it.

I really think that if he's still writing about these things six years after the fact, confronting him would do nothing but fan the flames.

I'm with Teeps: have a lawyer send the guy a letter (don't have any communication with him yourself), or just put it out of your head entirely.

posted by Specklet 06 March | 16:42

I've never had an internet nemesis, but I had a college nemesis. One day, out of the blue, I got a call from an ex-boyfriend. He had run into my nemesis at a wedding and she had told everyone a bunch of nasty stuff about me, including the fact that I was now "crazy" and "in the loony bin". Contrary to her intent, however, everyone responded with deep concern and my ex was instructed to call and make sure I was alright and see if there was anything they could do. (In truth, I was doing great. Planning my wedding, in fact.)In the end, she came off looking like the crazy one.

Based on that, my advice to you is to let it go. Anyone you really care about knows better than to give the things he says much weight and the fact that this guy keeps talking smack just makes him look like a wackjob.

posted by jrossi4r 06 March | 16:43

A few years ago, my pals and I befriended a woman via the local blogger community who turned out to be batshitinsane. She blogged about how crazy and evil and rude we all were, and, at first, I was worried that other local folks would think ill of us for it (I'd link to her blog, but I'm afraid that would start things up again--no thanks!). Turned out, everyone else already knew what a nut-case she was; we even had a guy show up to our local bar (the scene of the crime, as it were) to meet us, since, if Donna hated us that badly, we had to be pretty interesting folks. We even made t-shirts.

I've also come across an ex-girlfriend's blog, where she wrote a very detailed poem about our relationship, its sordid beginnings, and the aftermath, 5-or-so years after the fact. It was quite unflattering to me, and revealed what I thought was some damaging information, so I asked her to alter it. She did, a bit, but only after berating me (yet again) for a bunch of old shit.

I say let it go. I'm sure you're not the only one who's crossed this guy, and not the only one who thinks he's petty and dishonest.

posted by mrmoonpie 06 March | 17:04

I'm on an AA forum where every few months this woman turns up who is absolutely crazy. My guess is that she's got some kind of untreated bipolar disorder and turns up online when she's in a manic phase.

She either remembers or has archives of things that happened years and years ago, although her perception of these events bears little or no resemblance to reality.

Those of us who've seen her do this over and over just let her get on with it, she eventually runs out of steam and disappears off again for a few months. But usually somebody who's not come across her before, or who's forgotten how poisonous she is, will respond and she gets uglier and uglier.

Trolls love to get a reaction. It will probably give this guy a huge thrill if he knows that what he says is upsetting you. Ignore him.

Alternatively, we could all sign up for the forum and say lots of nice things about you.

posted by essexjan 06 March | 17:45

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by eamondaly 06 March | 18:03

The thing is, on one hand, I want to admit to him that he was partially right when we had the original conversation, and I'm tempted to correct all the mis-information he seems to have about me and just be done with it.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. The rest of the day, however, it's just stopped.

This guy is stopped. He's stuck in a hate loop. If he's spending valuable free time spreading online slanders against someone he hasn't talked to since before 9/11, that doesn't speak well of his personality or his mental health. I doubt you'd be able to have a grownup discussion with him because this guy doesn't sound very grownup.

So, yeah, if he's saying the kinds of things that might damage your reputation, you might want to have a lawyer rap him on the knuckles. But otherwise, I'd write him off.

posted by jason's_planet 06 March | 21:45

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