MetaChat - There once was a web site I read

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27 February 2007

There once was a web site I read
It kept me from going to bed
A bunny I sharred
And then I declared
"Let's start a limerick thread!"

post by: grouse at: 18:38 | 27 comments

There was a young fellow from Queens
whose wife brought him spare ribs & beans
he was so happy-hearted
till he got full and farted
now there's a stain on his jeans

posted by jonmc 27 February | 18:50

(not original, but a fave. . .)

A gay Irish priest from New Delhi
Had the Lord's Prayer tattooed on his belly
By the time that a Brahmin
Got down to the Amen
He'd blown both salvation and Kelly

posted by danf 27 February | 18:56

There was a young man from Devizes
Whose balls were of different sizes
One was so small
It was no ball at all
But the other won several prizes

posted by greycap 27 February | 19:02

A young man whose sight was myopic
Thought sex an incredible topic
So poor were his eyes
That despite its great size
His penis appeared microscopic

posted by greycap 27 February | 19:02

Okay those were both unoriginal - here is my real attempt (about my procrastinating tendencies):

There was a young man from Clapham
Who wanted good things to happen
Lots of projects would start
But delays were an art
And so he decided to scrap 'em

(lame I know...)

posted by greycap 27 February | 19:07

Her lover, while mounting her, slipped
And scrabbled and grasped for a grip
She stifled her cry
But now she knows why
Those dew-claws should always be clipped.

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 19:16

There was a young lady from Flushing
her pubies she always was brushing
her bush she did coif
it was jilling off
as her beau, he was furiously blushing

(both originals. raw, I know but I have a filthy mind)

posted by jonmc 27 February | 19:20

There once was a Bohemian monk
Who always slept in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was stroking his elbow
And woke up covered in perspiration
(I didn't make this up, you won't be surprised to hear, and I can't remember where I found it)

posted by altolinguistic 27 February | 19:23

Say, jon, was the lady named Mary?
I think I once knew her; that's scary.
While some keep a bit
Of a bush in the split
That girl had a whole topiary

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 19:24

A podium girl turned defiant
Now works for the fellows at Giant
She helps apply lubes,
And inspects all their tubes
To ensure that they're "stiff, but compliant"

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 19:27

There was a young lady from Brooklyn
who made her living from hookin'
when she caught the clap
in her genital flap
she said "serves me right for not lookin' "

posted by jonmc 27 February | 19:33

Mick J. moved to Scotland - it's true!
Liked sheep, so he bought one or two
When the neighbor next door
Hopped the fence, well he roared:
"Hey, McCloud! Get offa my ewe!"

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 19:33

If a dozen young sheep could be hurled
So in orbit of earth their path curled
Would they start World War III?
Would the make history?
As the herd that was shot round the world?

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 19:35

His knowledge remarkably thorough
jon knows ladies in all of the borroughs,
To appease his odd taste,
He seeks whores who are chaste -
That's right, he's out looking for pure hos.

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 19:44

There was a young girl from the Bronx
her big ass was hard on cars shocks
her man he was sad
but, on second thought, glad
cause now on her big boobies he honks

There was a chick from the Island of Staten
who man often went tomcattin'
he said "you're a twig,
I like my gals big"
So she chowed down, her body to fatten

A woman from Manhattan Isle
was at the foot of a big kittenpile
she felt so unsung
till a man flicked his tounge
and she broke out in a big wicked smile

(all 5 boroughs covered!)

posted by jonmc 27 February | 19:49

"My sentence I cannot contest,
But I do have one final request.
I'd like to be fit
With a bridle and bit
'Ere I hang for the crimes I've confessed."

So a bridle and bit were obtained;
The hangman took hold of the reins
Led him up on the deck
Put the noose 'round his neck
And said, "Now, would you care to explain?"

"My crimes, they were heinous, of course,
But I leave here with little remorse
For people will say
Of my passing this day,
'When he went... he was hung like a horse."

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 20:04

Oh, Wolfdog, you kill me!
You too, jonmc. I can't think of a thing, I'm laughing too hard!

posted by redvixen 27 February | 20:15

An old-time mechanic named Bixby
Was sure that his steering was fixed; he
tried to change lanes
and became a small stain
On the asphalt of Interstate 60.

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 20:16

I would race across the rocks
To bring the chase unto thee, fox
I would follow every agile move you make
For the promise of your flame
I'd risk a dozen deadly games
So lead swiftly; a wolf runs to overtake.

[NOT SPONDAIC HEXAMATRIST!]

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 20:19

Not original, but funny...

There was a mother from Rabat,
Who had triplets Nat, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
but Hell in the feeding,
When she learned she had no tit for Tat.

posted by redvixen 27 February | 20:20

There once was a fly on the wall,
And I wondered why didn't it fall?
Were it's feet stuck?
Or was it dumb luck?
Or does gravity miss things that small?

A gourmet dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter "Don't shout!
Or wave it about!
Or the others'll be wanting one too!"

posted by redvixen 27 February | 20:27

There once was a geekgirl named Mats
who spent every night with her cats.
She got rather lonely,
and said "Gosh, if only
my boyfriends weren't totally bats."

posted by matildaben 27 February | 20:47

Oh Wolfdog,purred the vixen, You're right
I see you racing up with such might.
The chase is on, so you say?
Can you chase me all day?
What happens if you catch me at night?

don't answer that, I may blush through my fur

posted by redvixen 27 February | 20:51

What happens? Dear fox, I shan't say
But consider pursuit underway
I've a quick, but firm pace
And it's not just the chase
That I'm able to keep up all day.

posted by Wolfdog 27 February | 21:04

My goodness! You're quite... skilled, Wolfdog!

posted by Specklet 27 February | 21:52

Bah. Wolfdoggerel.

posted by Wolfdog 28 February | 05:32

There was a young lady named Susie
Whose surname said she was a floozie.
Cathouse was the name;
It caused her such shame
She chose to pronounce it Cathouse.

stolen from Futility Closet

posted by felix betachat 28 February | 16:21

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