Shall I part my hair behind?Everyone parts their hair on one side or the other, no one parts their hair front to back, from one ear to the other. Be a trendsetter.
Do I dare to eat a peach?I think the important question is, do you daren't?!
Should I delete my Flickr profile, as it almost got me into trouble at work?No, you should delete it because, in Web 3.0, people will no longer be looking to Big Media for their content, they'll be looking to Independent Content Creators, and you're gonna miss out on those phat, phat Web 3.0 IPO dollarz if you're just giving away pictures of dudes dressed as Mr. T and flowers that look a little bit like lady-parts. THAT STUFF IS GOLD.
I appear to have picked up a stalker. Is this a good thing?In the 1800's most most families employed the services of a stalker and upper-crust households often had live-in stalkers amongst the staff. Of course, in those days people ate a lot more celery and rhubarb, and much of the labor-saving celery technology that the modern housewife employs in her day to day chores was not available then.
Dear Capn, is it true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? Do I need any special tools?Actually, the way to a man's heart is the sharing of common interests, attention, compassion, and patience. The only special tools you need are your charming wit and the love in your heart that shines out through your face for all the world to see.
Should I quit my job and join an internation crime ring, devoted to undermining the new world order?First off, it sounds like the job boards you're visiting are way better than the ones I've seen. I think that the answer to this question is fairly obviously 'yes'. The real question is can you be assured of getting the job? And the only way to ensure that is with preparation. Here are some of the questions they may ask you that you should prepare answers for
I'm going to do another write-and-record-an-album-in-a-month project. I need a theme or seed idea. What should I write about?
I ask very long questions, also, I'm some kind of long-haired hippy
Oh, Capn, my Capn, our car's been broken into twice now. The tops of both the front driver's side and passenger's side window frames are bent backwards. It looks like a flying machine. Nothing was taken, mind you.
Should we bother to get it fixed? How might we prevent this in the future? Should we just give the car away to nuns?
Capn, I'm too nice. Please help me decide on some things to irrationally and indiscriminately hate.
Is there a god? And if so, does he, like the rest of us, prefer Kirk Cameron in his Jason Seaver incarnation?God is actually more of a Family Ties fan (although, just between you and me, watching the show, God always thought it was hilarious when He referred to the Micheal J. Fox character as "Marty". No one else laughed).
How far can chemical self-assembly be pushed? And, who is the pusher(wo)man?
This bit of pedantic information has been brought to you by the magic of the ABC Tuesday night lineup of "Who's the Boss?" "Growing Pains," and "Moonlighting."
Where did you go? What did you do?
1. The "Enter" key on my keyboard is sticking. I already gave it a good and thorough aerosol can-ning. Is there anything else I should try, or should I just get a new keyboard from Facilities?
Did I use the Oxford serial comma correctly? What's the correct usage here? Really?
My boss is not here, but I fear the scorn of my coworkers for my half-assed work day. On a scale on one to ten, how concerned should I be about losing their respect?
Also, you think there's any chance I'll get a goodbye kiss at the end of the lunch date?
I'm mortified by the general bias against jetpack-based travel options, and my campaign to influence public opinion in this area isn't having the impact it should. Where should I focus my efforts?