You obviously don't know anyone from Altoona.

I'd like to see the TV News overreact to this: "ASTROTURFERS WITH GUNS! ARE YOU AT RISK?"

Nah, about the only thing I know about Altoona is the horseshoe bend from my son's train videos.

I have actually ridden the Great Horseshoe Curve several times. It is the single interesting thing about Altoona--a scary, scary place that seems locked in time. Dudes like that guy are totally the norm there.

(I know this because one of my college boyfriends was from Altoona and my best friend is from nearby Duncansville--Home of the Slinky!)

In Altoona everyone says things like "Mah hay-re needs warsh". It's a scary, scary place.

YES! They hate the infinitive. The floor needs swept. The dog needs walked.

And you are never offered a "drink" upon entering a home. Only a Pepsi. "Would you like a Pepsi? Can I get you a Pepsi? Wanna Pepsi?" I never could figure out if it was their generic term for beverage, or if it was really all they ever drank there.

That no-infinitive thing was pretty common in Indiana. I liked it. It made me feel like a time traveller.