WHY ARE THERE SO MANY RECORDS RELEASED BY GROUPS OF LATIN GENTLEMEN IN MATCHING SEQUINED COWBOY SUITS CLUTCHING ACCORDIONS AND WHY MUST I BE THE MAN TO CATALOG THEM ALL??!!

DIOS MIO!

along the same lines as youngergirl: I FELL OFF A CURB. YES, IT'S A LAME ANSWER. YES, IT HURT. NO, IT DOESN'T HURT NOW. NO, I CAN'T BOWL THIS WEEK.

In a previous life, jon, you were Antonio Salieri.

I DREAD YEAR-END SELF-APPRAISALS FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS. FIRST OF WHICH IS I FEEL LIKE A DORK FOR TALKING ABOUT MYSELF IN THE 3RD PERSON, BUT THEN I FEEL ARROGANT BY TALKING ABOUT MYSELF IN THE 1ST PERSON (I'M A FANTASTIC EMPLOYEE, DON'T YOU KNOW?) AND THEN THERE'S THE WHOLE POINT FORM VS. COMPLETE SENTENCES DEBATE. AND WHAT IF I HAVEN'T DONE VERY MUCH THIS YEAR TO WRITE ABOUT - AND NOT BECAUSE IT'S MY FAULT BUT BECAUSE MY JOB IS PROJECT-BASED AND THERE JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THAT MANY PROJECTS FOR WHICH I CAN USE AS EXAMPLES OF MY MODEL EMPLOYEE BEHAVIOUR?

CAN'T IT JUST BE WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON ALREADY SO I CAN START MY HOLIDAY VACATION?!?

WHOEVER PROGRAMMED QUARK SHOULD BE DRAWN AND QUARTERED FOR HIS CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.

Make sure you include an appraisal of your self-appraisals, phoenix.

PEOPLE IN MY TEAM ARE ENCROACHING ON MY PRIVATE LIFE AND ARE DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET ME TO GO ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE. IT'S NOT HAPPENING, PEOPLE. WHILST IT STARTED OFF AS ENDEARING THAT YOU CARED THAT I'M SINGLE, IT'S NOW REALLY STARTING TO GRATE, SO BUTT-OUT AND LEAVE ME BE. ALSO, I'M NOT THE ONLY SINGLE PERSON IN MY TEAM, SO WHY NOT PESTER SOMEONE ELSE. SHEESH.

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE READ EMAILS PROPERLY? I ASK THREE QUESTIONS AND GET TWO ANSWERS. THIS DOES NOT WORK! ALSO, PEOPLE THAT SEND CRYPTIC EMAILS SHOULD BE SHOT IN THE FACE. TWICE.

ONE OF MY COWORKERS IS REALLY SICK AND THERE HAVE BEEN A MILLION SICK KIDS IN HERE TODAY AND THEY KEEP HANDING ME THEIR GERM ENCRUSTED MONEY OR TOUCHING MY HANDS WITH THEIR GERM ENCRUSTED GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS OR COUGHING ON MY DESK. GOD DAMN IT I DON'T WANT TO BE SICK FOR CHRISTMAS! I HOPE THIS CREEPY ANTI GERM WATERLESS SCRUB STUFF WORKS BEFORE IT TAKES ALL THE SKIN OFF MY HANDS. AND I DON'T LIKE THE WOMAN MY BOSS WANTS TO HIRE AS MY ASSISTANT, EITHER, BUT I THINK I'M GOING TO BE OVERRIDDEN. DAMN.

I think you people just need to start earmarking more resources going forward.

WHY DID I VOLUNTEER TO "TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM" AND STAY ON AT WORK WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS ENJOYING HOLIDAYS? I THOUGHT I COULD CATCH UP ON MY OWN WORK, BUT HAVE ENDED UP GETTING FURTHER BEHIND AS I DEAL WITH ALL THE UNDONE SHIT THAT EVERYONE ELSE DUMPED. WHAT'S THE POINT IN BEING A TEAM LEADER WHEN YOU JUST GET STUCK WITH EVERYONE ELSE'S CRAP AND NEVERE GET TO FINISH YOUR OWN CRAP? HOW UNFAIR IS IT THAT ONE OF THE OTHER TEAM LEADERS HAD HER STEPFATHER DIE AND I GOT DUMPED WITH HALF OF HER TEAM AS WELL AS MY OWN BUNCH OF REJECTS? NEXT YEAR, I AM TAKING THIS WEEK OFF AND SOMEONE ELSE CAN DEAL WITH MY SHIT.

THREE MORE DAYS, THREE MORE DAYS, THREE MORE DAYS, THREE MORE DAYS, THREE MORE DAYS, THREE MORE DAYS

PLEASE DON'T COME INTO MY SCHOOL AND GIVE A POWERPOINT PRESENTATION WITHOUT THE ACTUAL POWERPOINT, JUST A BUNCH OF HANDOUTS, AND KEEP DESCRIBING WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE SHOWN US HAD THE POWERPOINT/LAPTOP PROJECTOR BEEN AVAILABLE. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S THE SECOND USELESS MEETING OF THE DAY AND PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THINGS I'VE HEARD YOU SAY FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS RUNNING. OR, AT LEAST BRING DONUTS.

PLEASE DO NOT SCHEDULE MEETINGS FOR 8:00 AM. IT IS EVIL AND UNKIND AND SOMETHING ONLY A COMPLETE FASCIST WOULD DO. IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN IN THE FUTURE, DONUTS AND MULTIPLE VARIETIES OF CAFFIENE MUST BE PROVIDED TO PUT ME IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND. BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, THE FIRST HOUR OF MY WORK DAY IS PURELY FOR ZONING-OUT AND GETTING USED TO THE IDEA OF BEING VERTICAL FOR THE NEXT 14 HOURS. DIE, DIE, DIE.

... gee, at least you guys are healthy enough to work ... ;-(

PLEASE DON'T COME IN FOOD SHOPPING ON A CELL PHONE CALL WITH YOUR MOTHER. ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT YOU ARE DOING. IF YOUR MOTHER WANTS A CERTAIN CUT OF MEAT, TELL HER TO GET HER ASS IN HERE HERSELF, SINCE YOU ARE A TWENTY-SOMETHING TWIT. AND WHEN SHE ASKS FOR A BEEF EYE ROAST, DON'T TELL ME TO "MAKE SURE IT'S RED". IT'S BEEF, WHAT COLOR DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE? YELLOW?

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO WHINE SO MUCH? FUCKIN' HELL, YOU MAKE TWICE AS MUCH MONEY AS I DO FOR A QUARTER OF THE WORK. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PRETTY GOOD DEAL TO ME. I'D BE A VERY HAPPY CAMPER IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES.

SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP HARSHING MY MELLOW, AWRIGHT? I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT SHIT.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR DEADLINED SHIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE, AND THEN TRY TO PALM IT OFF ON THE REST OF US - YES, MOTHERFUCKER, I'M LOOKING AT YOU. NO DIVVYING UP YOUR WORKLOAD, NO "RETRAINING" OTHERS - DO YOUR FUCKING JOB YOU LAZY WORTHLESS SHIRKING SLIME TRAIL-LEAVING COCKSMACK!