BAD DOGGIE. BAAAAAAD DOGGIE.

WHERE DO THE CAPS GO WHEN YOU EAT MY BOTTLES OF INK AGAIN AND AGAIN?!?

NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT OUTSIDE!!

OKAY LISTEN, YOU DON'T LIKE ME AND I SURE AS HELL DON'T LIKE YOU, BUT YOUR MOTHER'S GONE UNTIL 6, SO WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER TODAY SO LET'S GET A FEW THINGS STRAIGHT RIGHT AWAY. FIRST, YOUR POWERS OF CUTE WON'T WORK ON ME. SAVE THAT CRAP FOR YOUR MOM. YOU TRY THAT SHIT ON ME, I'LL KNOCK THE CUTE RIGHT OFFA YA! OH, THE OLD HEAD COCK AY? WHAT DID I JUST SAY? YOU MAKE ME SICK, PEACHES OR PUMPKIN OR WHATEVER DISGUSTING NAME YOUR MOTHER NAMED YOU. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE A PUPPY FOREVER, AND IT'S A ROUGH WORLD OUT THERE. SO TRY ANOTHER CARD FOR A CHANGE. OH PLEASE, EYEBROW RAISE?! WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT? AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO IT RIGHT - YOU'LL NEED TO GET THOSE THINGS AT LEAST ANOTHER HALF INCH HIGHER BEFORE YOU GET ANY SYMPATHY FROM ME. ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE EVEN A PUPPY?! YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A BEAVER IN A DOG COSTUME! AWRIGHT, LOOK, I'M DONE HERE. I'LL BE IN THE TV ROOM WATCHING MY STORIES, AND AS YOU MAY HAVE GATHERED, I DON'T LIKE TO BE BOTHERED, SO DON'T FUCK WITH ME!! WALKIES AT TWO, NO EARLIER!

STAY AWAY FROM MY BOX, DIMFUCK!! THAT'S WHAT SLIPPERS ARE FOR!!

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I CANNOT TAKE YOU OUT ON A WALK RIGHT NOW, PUPPY! I AM IN MY PAJAMAS! HOLD YOUR POOPS, I'LL BE READY IN A SECOND!!!

(psst... hellbient's pup... pee on his leg... good dog... heh heh heh...)

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BARK YOUR HEAD OFF ALL EVENING UNTIL I GET HOME!

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BARK YOUR HEAD OFF ALL MORNING UNTIL SOMEONE WALKS YOU!

am I the only one who thinks it's negligent to leave a puppy out on the porch in an apartment complex for an hour while their owners get ready in the morning? I don't want to hear their barking and howling, either!

THE LITTERBOX IS NOT A FOOD BOWL!

MUDPUPPIE!!! HOW ARE YOU?!!

YOU'VE BEEN A BAAAAD MUDPUPPIE!! SOOO BAAD! GO LIE DOWN!! NO TREATS OR WALKIES!!

YOU DO NOT NEED TO GO OUTSIDE EVERY HALF AN HOUR!! NO ONE NEEDS TO PEE THAT OFTEN AND IT'S RAINING!! YES, THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR PAWS WIPED OFF EVERY TIME YOU COME BACK IN!! NO, YOU DON'T GET A COOKIE EVERY DAMN TIME I WIPE YOUR PAWS, THAT'S YOUR PAPI'S DOING AND I KEEP TELLING HIM HE SHOULDN'T DO THAT!!

I HAVE ENOUGH GUILT AS IT IS, PEOPLE! STOP SHOUTING AT ME! OR ELSE I'LL PEE ON YOUR LEG! ALL OF YOUR LEGS!

ALL OF YOU PUPPIES SHOULD BE MORE LIKE THE MUDPUPPIE! NOW GO FETCH MY SLIPPERS AND PIPE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I DON'T OWN EITHER? THEN GO TO THE STORE AND GET SOME. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NOT IN YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION. DAMN IT! YOU'RE SMART ENOUGH TO UNIONIZE, BUT CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET A DAMN PIPE AND SLIPPERS. THAT'S IT. I'M TURNING YOU INTO A COAT. ALL GODDAM 101 OF YOU!

NOT THE PUPPIES!

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METACHAT: WALKIES AT TWO, AND NO EARLIER!

(this comment was brought to you by The Daily Puppy.)