Awww, bummer lady. Unfortunately, once the breakup happens, you have to let go. "Giving up" and mourning the relationship as over is the best thing you can do for your own sanity. Especially because once the post-breakup haze clears, you'll know for sure if you'd even want to give it another go.

Sorry :-(

Ice cream and Oreos are excellent facilitators to the mourning process.

Wow. I'm really sorry about this. It definitely sucks.

My personal experience, which is, oh, 20+ years' worth, has left me very cynical: he either wants to be with you or he doesn't, and if he's broken up with you, he doesn't. So, you shouldn't call. You should, in fact, give it up entirely, writing off this relationship as fucked up, unless something really really really really really unusual happens to change that stance.

However, I also know how hard this advice is to follow. I can't know your feelings, and I can't know his, so it's really easy for you to write off anything anybody says here as, "They don't get it; my situation is different." All I can do is say you shouldn't call, not because it's "disrespecting his feelings" but because calling will get you further back into this painful situation, and if you ever want to feel better, you need to do the opposite and walk away. In other words, make it about you and not about him. Relationships are supposed to be fun, not about issues, and not about people "thinking about it."

And again, I'm really sorry, and of course I hope I'm wrong. In my bad times, I've mostly watched a lot of movies and sports to feel better. Sports are actually very therapeutic. But feeling better, alas, always takes time.

Some people do the "break up to make up" bit on a fairly regular basis. I'm told by one who has made a romantic career of it that make-up sex is hot.

I don't advise you one way or another, but if the guy is leaving you alone, leaving him alone is one way to prevent the kind of harsh, unforgettable, soul crushing things that angry people sometimes say to one another in bad moments. Thus, you might actually best be selfish by excercising enough self-restraint to let him chill.

Awww, smich *hugs*. First of all, don't feel pathetic. The bunnies? We are here for you.

It sucks that he's left you hanging while he "reconsiders." Could you be any more torn about what to do? I mean, you think he broke up with you but can't even clarify that because he needs time. I'd say give him the time he needs, and hold out on calling until you feel you absolutely must. He ought to be the one to contact you, and I know that in the meantime, things are going to be hell. I'm sorry. It supersucks.

I don't particularly agree on giving it up entirely just yet, but you're going to need to do a bit of distancing. When he's had his time to think about things (and you'll have thought about things, I'm sure) perhaps you two can meet and talk about what the issues are and whether or not you'll be able to work through them.

Best of luck to you. I know how hard this can be.

Yeah, definitely don't feel "pathetic" about posting on here. I moon about old relationships here all the time.

I repeat what others said already, do not call him for a few days. He needs time to think. This is good, not bad. It does not mean you two broke up. Meanwhile, cool down yourself, before you talk again and the same things are said/done all over again. Do some thinking of your own, why did things come to that? Could you have prevented it or was it bound to happen anyway? And then, wait. Keep your mind busy: read (mystery novels do the trick for me, Sue Grafton baby), or go to the gym or running. Or meet friends. Or go to a mall and spend 7 hours (I have done all those things, therefore I recommend). I personally would avoid overeating, TV, wallowing music, alcohol (the latter only because it might kill your defenses). Keep your dignity and remember, regardless of whether you will go back to him or not, you do not want him to remember a weak little creature clinging on him.

Many mecha hugs from me--the best kind.

Y'all are giving me such good advice. Thank you. I'm starting to get my appetite back. From yesterday afternoon til a couple of hours ago, I'd eaten very little, but I'm feeling hunger again and have started eating. If it weren't raining, I'd get on my bike and ride til I was exhausted.

And carmina, you're so right about "you do not want him to remember a weak little creature clinging on him." So true.

Unfortunately, I have to agree 100% with JanetLand. It's very painfully true. Go do something fun and be around people who enjoy you.

Sometimes you have to be unhappy. In a way, grinding through your grief as opposed to doing anything you can to avoid it can end up being a very rewarding and even happy thing. Give it a couple days at least and treat yourself well, whatever you have, be it with your boyfriend or not, will still be there. Don't ignore how you feel but remember that it will pass. Anxiety is about fearing the unknown, about not knowing what is going to happen and feeling powerless. What is going to happen is that life will go on, you will be happy again and in the meantime there are plenty of things that need doing.

Oh and asking people for help or advice or to give comfort is a very brave act and in no way pathetic.

Listen to JanetLand, because she is totally right.

My sister was dating a guy she'd met and known in high school and once he graduated from college, he decided that they needed to see other people, even though they'd been dating all throughout his four years of college. My sister was devastated, but she let him go. They parted ways, she stopped calling him, and it was very difficult for her because they shared numerous friends in common so they still heard about each other through the grapevine. She tried dating other people, but it wasn't the same. He did the same.

This year, I'm going home for Christmas for a week, and one of the highlights of my trip is going to spend time with my two beautiful nieces at my sister's new house with the guy who finally came to his senses six years ago and proposed a week or two after they got back together.

Yes, this is a storybook ending and very much like a cliche. But cliches become so for a reason, and my sister and my awesome brother-in-law are that very reason. This may not happen to you in the same exact way, but I do know that my sister did the right thing by trying to go on with her life after he broke up with her.

anxiety? relax! everything dies! nothing to worry about! everything goes on, goes on, goes on!

My morning commute couldn't have been more uncomfortable. We take the same bus, but I never see him on it in the morning (only once before during the whole time we were dating), because I leave about 10 minutes earlier than he does every day. I went to the bus stop at the normal time today. Of course he was on the bus. We spoke briefly. He said he's not doing so well. He wants to talk, but needs time. Ugh ugh ugh. Thanks for listening, bunnies.

make him jealous by sleeping with quonsar

Well, quonsar makes me really hot, but right now I'm not at all interested in revenge, which is weird, because with other guys I would've been. I'm more worried about him and what he's going through.

I suggest you take what carmina said, with a healthy dose of JanetLand, and just a pinch of cynicism. I've been there as well, and am just a bit suspicious of guys who "need time", but "want to talk". Sometimes (and I am just going on my own past experiences here) they use those lines to dangle you along. A bit of space between you is not a bad thing. You could try responding to him with a friendly concern, but not a saccharin "Oh, you poor thing!" because, after all, he's putting you through a lot, too.

wow. lacuna coil almost got me laid.