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07 December 2006

You're an adult. Act like one. (At least in public.) →[More:]

I'm sitting in the cafe at the bookstore, drinking a cup of coffee and reading one of their overpriced books for free. A couple chairs away from me, a man in his mid-50s sits down with a froofy whipped-cream-covered drink (and a straw). I've seen him before -- he's one of the regulars -- so I'm sort of prepared for what's coming.

Sure enough, about 20 minutes later, he finishes his drink. And then proceeds to slurp on the straw, very nosily, for at least 5 minutes.

I'm not the only one giving him dirty looks, but apparently I'm the only one who can't keep my mouth shut.

After several minutes of concentrated slurping, I finally blurted out "It's empty. God!"

He gave me a wounded sort of look and put the cup down. The guy next to me (who was also in his 50s or 60s) chuckled and mouthed "thank you" to me.

Now, maybe I was rude. But come on -- he was old enough to know better, and not old enough to get away with the kind of embarrassing public behaviors that we used to let slide with my grandfather.

Maybe an "Excuse me sir" would have been more appropriate, but come on!

What do you do in situations like that?

post by: mudpuppie at: 17:56 | 27 comments

I say the angry thing inside, and then say something polite outside.

Unless it's a car running a stop sign WHILE I'M IN THE FUCKING STREET. Then I yell at the car and chase them down and bang on their cars and scream and jump on the roof and push my heels through the top. Or, some of those things.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 07 December | 18:04

I continue my slurping.

:-)

posted by carmina 07 December | 18:04

I probably would have done the same thing. We all have a breaking point.

Let's rent a winnebago and go on the "Telling It Like It Is Tour." We can ride around the country chastising straw slurpers, gum smackers, stop sign runners, loud sinus clearers (oh they make me so nauseous), people who don't recognize that PEDESTRIANS ALWAYS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY...

It will be a long trip.

posted by jrossi4r 07 December | 18:14

After 5 minutes of that, I'd have snapped in the same way. I was in a local coffee house a year-or-so ago and there was me and a colleauge having a quiet coffee. The only other people on the floor (we were upstairs) were a small group of teenagers messing around, leaning out of the window and shouting. After about ten minutes I lost my rag and shouted "please God, just shut the fuck up" at the top of my voice. They looked a bit put out, but the shut up and then left shortly afterwards.

posted by TheDonF 07 December | 18:17

adulthood is overrated. I don't wanna grow up.

*dribbles, says 'goo goo'*

posted by jonmc 07 December | 18:20

I admit. I'm a slurper. I also use my finger to get the last of the yogurt in the yogurt cup, and I scrape my plate at dinner, too.

posted by muddgirl 07 December | 18:29

I don't know, but I had a You Kids Get Off My Lawn moment in the movie theater several years ago that, in hindsight, probably would get me shot now.

I don't even remember what movie it was, but there was a herd of teenagers talking openly and fucking around with their cellphones for a good ten minutes into the film. They got shushed, quieted for about ten seconds, and then started up louder, at which point I startled myself and my wife by using my best Command Voice to bark out "SHUT THE FUCK UP".

Amazingly, they did. And I got applauded, even though I wanted to quietly sink into the floor.

I'm much better now.

posted by scrump 07 December | 18:39

I'd likely hold it in until I started laughing uncontrollably. And maybe pointing a little.

posted by cortex 07 December | 18:46

I don't know what it is about Jacksonville, but in many of the movie theaters around here, it seems popular for small groups of people to "talk back" in movies. All kinds of movies. I went to a screening last year of George Clooney's "Good Night, and Good Luck" and a bunch of bozos were talking back to the character of Edward R. Murrow.

Fer chrissakes. Sometimes, human behavior is so incredibly maladaptive, I'm too gobsmacked to do anything but witness the stupidity, and grin.

posted by paulsc 07 December | 18:47

Also see the new Jeff Tweedy live Sunken Treasure DVD for a great "if you want to talk, why did you buy a ticket to my concert? Please shut up and we can enjoy the music" rant.
Also, I really should proof my comments more

posted by TheDonF 07 December | 18:49

I like the talking back to the movies.

For instance, watching the Clooney Batman in the Castro was very entertaining, and not in any way due to the film itself.

posted by small_ruminant 07 December | 19:02

I would have wanted to smack the cup out of his hand and jam the straw in his eye. But I wouldn't have.

But I would have definitely told him to cut it out after a couple of minutes, unless I had my iPod on and then I would have put on Roxanne by the Police and started singing along in falsetto like Eddie Murphy in 48 Hours.

posted by fenriq 07 December | 19:19

I love slurping milkshakes and the like. One of life's simple pleasures.

posted by grouse 07 December | 19:22

I sometimes blow bubbles in my fizzy drink when I'm bored.

*runs off, hides in shame*

posted by flopsy 07 December | 19:29

You humiliated an old man in his regular haunt. strike a blow for justice, why don'tcha.

posted by jonmc 07 December | 19:35

I'm to passive/aggressive/social anxiety ridden for that. I'd have made an audible noise of frustration and huffed off, making clear my annoyance, but punishing myself, not him. Your way is better.

posted by rainbaby 07 December | 19:42

I'm to passive/aggressive/social anxiety ridden for that.

Read: "southern"

(I am, too.)

posted by BoringPostcards 07 December | 20:22

Ewwwwwwwww. I hate it when people make audible noises with their food, especially when you're stuck at tables and can't easily move away.

For people being obnoxiously loud in general, I usually just tend to glare, pointedly looking toward them and then away and then back again. The movement tends to grab enough people's attention that they'll notice me, and then stop.

I was told, however, at one movie showing that "I had no soul" after asking three women behind me not to talk during the film, since a soul apparently requires talking back to movies based on Jane Austen novels.

posted by occhiblu 07 December | 20:59

During the zoloft period, I probably wouldn't have even noticed him.

Since the wellbutrin though, "Dude, grow up already!" just loud enough for anyone in the restrooms to hear.

posted by mischief 07 December | 21:10

During the zoloft period, I probably wouldn't have even noticed him.

Since the wellbutrin though, "Dude, grow up already!" just loud enough for anyone in the restrooms to hear.

With alcohol, I simply say 'you call that noisy drinking?' and gargle Budweiser till it dribbles down my chin.

posted by jonmc 07 December | 21:15

My sister, now, would simply outbelch him.

posted by mischief 07 December | 22:14

On the bus on the way home today I almost burst a blood vessel. The guy sitting behind me was very noisily chewing on fig newtons. He'd finish one, wipe his hand for about five minutes with a rustley piece of paper, then eat another one. Smack smack smack in my ear. My skin was crawling and I'd reached my limit and was trying to think of what to say... when he got off.

posted by Specklet 07 December | 22:47

Oh, god, the fig newtons. The cafe in my school sells little bags of them, and people keep eating them during class. That insanely loud crinkly cheap plastic sound while I'm trying to hear the professor has been driving me up a wall.

posted by occhiblu 07 December | 23:11

My skin was crawling and I'd reached my limit and was trying to think of what to say... when he got off.

Well was it the noisy eating of the 'bating on the bus that got to you?

posted by danf 08 December | 00:26

I like jonmc's solution.

posted by small_ruminant 08 December | 02:05

lol, danf!

I don't get bugged by one-off people-sounds stuff much, except in theatres, and here it's even worse, because people are mostly reading the subtitles, and so feel pretty free to talk as much as they want. So, I don't go to the movies very often.

But, like with the straw thing? I think I would be more amused than irritated. My tolerance would be severely tested in a work situation, though, where you have to deal with the same thing, day after day after day, stuck in cubicleland. Then it becomes an assault you can't just walk away from. Still, I would be nice about it when addressing the noisemaker, because people just really are oblivious about this stuff most of the time. Somehow, their own noise, or smell, or whatever, just doesn't register with them. They don't know. Of course, in some cases, it actually is aggressive in an I-will-inflict-my-shit-on-you kind of way, but most of the time, not.

posted by taz 08 December | 04:20

What taz said.

A little off topic, but I used to work with a guy from Malaysia who drove everyone crazy by slurping noodles at his desk. There was about a year of constant behind-the-scenes bitching and whining before anyone bothered to say "Hey Isk, just so you know, around here people are very uptight about eating noises, and so slurping noodles is kind of distracting."

It really wasn't a big deal. He just didn't know.

posted by tangerine 08 December | 13:26

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