Non-askMefi example.

This is a bad idea. Please don't spoof AskMe.

I think he means put your magnificent lie here, not on AskMe.

If there is anything which cannot be spoofed, the blowhards have won! Spoof it all; spoof, spoof away!

Help me learn French.

Do you speak English? = Parlez-vous grenouille?
I am glad to meet you! = Je m'appelle merde!
Can you help me? = Êtes vous fis a putain?
Thank you! = Tabernac' de fou!
Where is the washroom? = Est-ce que vous êtes ivre?
Goodmorning! = Fous le camps!
I am a tourist from America. = Ta mere suce des ours dans la foret.

Lengthy technical question:

1. We use SysMonitor v5.0 to track all activity on the system and Manager to view and change our configuration. When I pull up the 'About' boxes for each program they look like this and this respectively. Why? Does this mean anything?

If my years of experience are any guide, a funky-looking 'about' window means that you're using illegal 'cracked' versions. What kind of screwjob juke joint boiler room bunco operation do you work for, anyway? I've notified the BSA. No, not the Business Software Association, the Boy Scouts of America. They're going to send a couple kids to build a campfire in your pants. That's not a euphemism.

2. Is there some sort of manual for decoding the data that's logged in the SysMonitor application? I have a feeling understanding this program will help me understand problems we have with the system.

Entries to the SysMonitor log take the following format: "Your x is y because z, dipshit." Those aren't variables--it's just line after line of 'Your x is y because z, dipshit.' Come to think of it, the log isn't all that useful.

3. There are two phones in our building that will stop working randomly. Either the display looks normal but the buttons don't work, or the display shows a 'Please Wait' message that is associated with the system rebooting. They usually stop or start working when I have to reboot the system, but I have not been able to find a pattern to when they go down or come up.

I feel sure you've already tried unplugging them, pressing the buttons with the tip of a No. 2 pencil and putting each phone in a microwave oven. The next step is to clean the lines. This requires sending a puff of air through the lines, so please cover each earpiece with a plastic bag.

4. What does 'Feature Key Server' mean and does it have anything to do with the USB flash drive looking thing plugged into the PC I use to manage the phones?

The 'Feature Key Server' pops up whenever Key lime pie is the dessert of the day. The Feature Key Server program is not spyware--it's sponsored by the Florida Lime Growers Consortium. Over 11 restaurants in 2 countries (Qatar and Greenland) are members of the FKS program.

And the USB flash drive looking thing? Well, I must admit, that one's got me stumped. What the hell is a USB flash drive?