I don't drive at all... If you need counseling, I must need a straitjacket.

Yeah, but you live in a foreign country. Your lack of minivan is exotic.

20,000 or more deaths yearly in the U.S.

Strange how driving gets a pass as a dangerous activity, I guess because life without it would be considered not living.

Another non-driver here. Left to myself, I would have structured my whole life around not having to drive places. I never thought that was nuts, nor do I think you are. The more ubiquitous a cultural phenomenon, then the more disconcerting is anyone's attempting to opt out of it: there was a time when I didn't own a TV, and I was genuinely surprised at the extent of the shock this provoked in certain of my colleagues & acqauintances...

A phobia is disabling: it prevents you from doing things that you want to do and are able to do.

So you already know the answer to your question.

FWIW: I hate driving at night because my night vision is gone. I will not ride a motorcycle at night anymore unless I absolutely have to. This is disabling because I would like to. But it's not a phobia, it's a physical disability.

You're mildly culturally abnormal, but that isn't even close to being in need of counseling. I don't watch TV at all. Does that mean I need to see a shrink?

Thirty-two, here, and never owned a car -- no mean feat for someone who's lived his entire life in Texas. I will admit, however, that if I hadn't moved to Austin in my late teens, I probably would have owned one by now. Mass transit is a foreign concept throughout much of the state, and much of the U.S., as well. (It's a pretty damned sprawled-out country, when you really think about it.)

I don't watch TV at all. Does that mean I need to see a shrink?

yes. Preferably this one:
≡ Click to see image ≡

lol

You people without TVs may not be nuts, but I'm pretty sure you're communists.

I can't stand to drive at night/in the dark - even to the corner store.

I agree with what warbaby says. If this changes your behavior, it does qualify as a phobia.

I have a fear of heights -- it's phobic. As you've probably seen, that hasn't stopped me from climbing around on tall ships 80 feet off the deck with only a two-inch thick rope under my feet for support. I am so, so afraid at those moments that it's ridiculous, but I work through it because I refuse to let this fear get in the way of my love of traditional-rig sailing. I know it's a phobia because I've worked with many others who are indeed cautious and nervous and accept the risk but don't have the truly terrified reaction I used to have to heights. I don't think it's any less phobic simply because the fear is justified: I mean, it is dangerous to climb rigging at a great height, and if I mis-stepped, I would almost surely be killed. It's happened. But that doesn't make the extreme degree of fear I used to feel normal. There's rational fear - which you can manage and still function with - and irrational fear, which gets in the way of doing things which others do comfortably and which you want to do.

My mom has a fear of driving, and I wish she'd get counseling. She was in an accident years ago and has never been the same behind the wheel. What bothers me about it is that when she does have to drive (which she does, regularly), her extreme nervousness and her overreactions to normal driving situations make her more dangerous - to herself, to her passengers, and to other traffic. Because she can't drive calmly, she doesn't drive well. It also means she relies heavily on other people to do more driving, particularly long highway drives. It makes her less independent, which I think is sort of a shame.

I think if people choose not to drive, that's completely fine. No one's required to. But if you need or want to drive, and find that your fear is preventing you from doing so comfortably, then yeah, it would probably be well worth getting some help on it.

We all do a lot of risky things every day. I could get hit by the proverbial bus any minute. Slicing bagels causes more emergency-room visits than any other activity. Life poses risks; we just have to find ways to manage them.

I love roadtrips myself. I even love stopping at the rest stops along the way. Sippin' on coffee, listening to music, starin' out the window; it's so relaxing. A colleague was just looking up how long it was to Montreal from NYC... only about six hours, straight up Route 87, through the Catskills and Adirondacks. I so wanna go... (Toronto's about seven, and it takes you through Niagra Falls.)

The good news, if it is a phobia, jr, it's very treatable, if you decide you wanna treat it. Find someone who specializes in phobias. Behavioral Management techniques are extremely effective with phobias (they gradually increase the level of what's causing you fear, say a picutre of a spider up to a movie of a spider, to actual small spiders, then bigger spiders, and you get the picture, and teach you relaxation techniques along the way until finally you've got a big old tarantula crawlin' on ya, no sweat... it really works); curable in a matter of weeks. No hypnosis or xanax necessary.

I agree: a phobia is something that changes your behavior, despite whether or not your fears are justified.

I'm claustrophobic. There is a possibility that if I take an elevator, I will get trapped and run out of air. A slight possibiity, I'll readily admit, but one could say my fears are justified.

But I don't take elevators unless I really really have to. Is it silly that I would rather ask my boss to meet me downstairs so I can take the stairs instead of riding in an elevator with her? Yes. And that's why it's a phobia.

I do not own a car, and hate driving at night. But I will do so if it means that I won't get to go on a fun outing otherwise.

I think there's a difference between a phobia and a dislike. I'm also scared of heights, and it has nothing to do with rationality -- I can be in a sturdy building, behind glass, and I'm still going to get vertigo and a racing heart if I go too close to the windows.

If you don't like to drive, I can see just ignoring everyone. If you're getting to a point where you're actually scared of driving, or get panicky about the prospect, then I think some further exploration might be worthwhile.

Ignorant nulliparous question: One tends to hear reference to pregnant women changing their behavior out of protective instincts. Is that something that actually happens or just soap-opera nonsense, and if it is, could that be part of the issue?

I spend 3 to 5 hours on the road every day, and I can tell you from experience that if you hate to drive, it's better that you don't. Driving is a serious and truly dangerous endeavor. Fearful drivers are at least as dangerous as fearless drivers. But not quite as dangerous as careless drivers.

Yeah, if you don't like to drive, don't drive. I don't like to get hit in the temple with tack hammers, does that make me phobic? I go out of my way not to get tackhammered, so maybe?

I love to drive, I'll drive instead.

And Minnie Drivers are worst of all.

Nulliparous? Did you just make that up and have it added to Dictionary.com just to fuck with me?

Anyway, fear of driving seems pretty rational, if slightly over-cautious. But fear of flying really irks me.

I don't know if you're in phobia territory just yet, jrossi, but the reasons you give for not wanting to drive make sense to me.

Me, I hate to drive at night and in inclement weather. Driving at night, especially in rain, is a problem as my night vision truly sucks. And most of the car accidents I've been in have been in inclement weather. Personally, I can't see that that makes me phobic about driving especially since there are times I love to drive such as on highways and on road trips.

Nulliparous? Did you just make that up and have it added to Dictionary.com just to fuck with me?

Yes. Yes I did.

(It tends to come up in discussions or articles about birth control, especially IUDs. That's where I learned it. Cool word, no?)

Interesting question, occhiblu. I've always hated/feared driving, but only recently have I started conciously changing my habits. It's entirely possible. Especially since my standard response to things like "Don't eat that lunchmeat! It's bad for the baby!" is "The riskiest prenatal activity is driving. Should I stop that, too?"

I don't know that it's necessarily kept me from doing things I really want to do. I'm willing to suck up the trauma if the payoff is worth it. I do get panicky on anything that requires me to merge, so I avoid the turnpike, etc., even if it lengthens the drive. So I guess that may qualify as "phobic" behavior. And my response to the woman who suggested hypnosis was, "Why would I want to decrease my aversion to danger?" So there is definitely a case to be made for insanity.

Still, I don't understand how I'm any nutsier than the women who put their kids on leashes or refuse to take them into the city.

Yes, but is that really the yardstick against which you wish to measure your sanity? :-)

I don't know. Turning down a "meh" invitation because of cost-benefit risk analysis does not a phobia make. Now, if you're inventing the "meh" because you're truly scared and trying to rationalize it, then, yeah, that's no good. If you're experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety, then that's no good. Think: Fight or flight, uncontrollable thoughts, increased heart rate, inability to concentrate, etc... Of course, I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder in the past. I also hate, hate, hate, hate, hate car culture and how it will always invade my life in the US, even as a bicyclist, transit user or a pedestrian, because I can't magically choose to never encounter a street crossing so I'm a biased but knowledgeable source.

Any counter-cultural action will get a reaction from people who follow the pack. It's the same deal if you hang with drinkers and don't drink or if you hang with smokers and don't smoke or if you hang with people who only know how to chat about the latest Grey's Anatomy and you don't watch TV. They'll needle you. I'm sure there's a sociological or psychological word for this. Peer pressure doesn't end just because you're an adult. Basically, they want their actions to be validated by seeing it mirrored in others. It doesn't matter whether or not the action is harmful or benign. Noncompliance is subconsciously and consciously associated with nonapproval and judgement. You can't tell an insecure person that you don't want to go to their Grey's Anatomy Party because you feel "meh" about it, because that would make them feel that you don't approve. Telling them that you don't want to go because you don't drive at night isn't very different, because people will always assume the worst. Deep down, they assume the disapproval. They work their way to "meh" then try to make that make sense with what you actually said. The only way to spare their internal feelings is for them to turn it around and assume that your feelings about driving at night are invalid. Maybe they are and maybe they aren't, but that's not for your friends to decide, that's for you to decide. Just like, just because it's not your bag, you're not saying that Grey's Anatomy parties are for lonely, lonely losers.

Here's how I deal with the risk-benefit analysis of transportation. I minimize driving for all kinds of good reasons. I admit that there are some situations (moving large items, in-town trips with my SO, road trips) where I don't always live up to my ideals, but that doesn't make me a hypocrite, that just makes me human. I bike because (according to a handful of studies, at least) biking is as dangerous as driving mile-per-mile, but the health benefits greatly overtake the accident dangers. I haven't had much luck convincing my closest family, my SO or friends, so I recharge with the bikey groups in Portland (Zoobomb, Critical Mass, Shift) when the frustration of hating car culture in a car centric world really bites at me. There are certain careers that I would take up car commuting for, but they're all pretty altruistic, so I figure it's would be a wash.

Cars are the #1 cause of accidental death in America by a long shot, but disease related stuff overtakes trasportation-related death by an even greater margin. Think of some risks that you take that are greater than driving, like eating certain unhealthy foods. How does the benefit from that risk stack up against driving? If it's worth it to take 1 unit of risk for 1 unit of utility for one activity, it should translate evenly across the board.

I have a so-so irrational fear of flying. I'm flying to Reno for a job-related conference next month. I could have taken the bus or train, but I told myself that 19 hours on a bus (BUS PLUNGE! BUS PLUNGE!) has got to be just as dangerous as 2 hours on a plane, even if it doesn't feel that way to me. And busses and planes are extremely safe. I'm more likely to die slipping in my shower, I'm sure, and yet, I still take showers, right? A lot of the time, I just use these kinds of rationalizations (statistically sound or not) to talk myself into whatever course of action has the best utility. People everywhere more or less believe what they want to believe (like the stranger abduction BS or the home invasions are more risky than guns in the home idiocy). If you were going to do anxiety counseling, you'd probably hear a similar deal along the lines of cognitive therapy.

So, do what you want to do and always keep the risks in mind. Don't miss out on any important opportunities where the benefits undeniably outweigh the risks.

Are you afraid of driving at all? From your description, you clearly hate driving, but I don't see anything at all in your post which points directly to fear. And fear and hate are not the same thing.

Of course, maybe I'm projecting because I intensely dislike flying. If I have to go just about anywhere in the eastern half of the U.S.--most of which is within a two-day drive for me--I'll drive rather than fly. Even for further distances, I will sometimes drive rather than fly. And I can list a hundred reasons why I don't like to fly, but none of them are because I'm afraid to.

Maybe you're afraid to drive. Maybe you're not. I don't know. But don't confuse an intense dislike of driving with fear of driving. And if all you're feeling is an intense dislike of driving, but not a fear of drivin, then you're fine--you just choose not to drive in situations when many other people would.

is that really the yardstick against which you wish to measure your sanity?

Well, yeah. I always come out lookin' good.

Basically, they want their actions to be validated by seeing it mirrored in others.

And I think that's what makes me bristle, Skwirl. It really is like people take it personally. (Especially since I've repeatedly been advised to get a bigger car, like everyone else has, so that I can feel "safer.")

so you are willing to ride in cars -- that is, put your life in someone else's hands as they operate the automobile -- but you are afraid to operate them yourself? is it because you are afraid of losing control? or youre afraid you might have a panic/anxiety attack/epileptic seizure behind the wheel? there's nothing dangerous about driving, per se, it's usually the speed that kills (f = ma).

If those hands are capable, Wedge. I'm not afraid I'll have some weird attack or something, I'm just not very good at driving and I know it. And I know that lots of other people are worse than I am but don't know it. It takes a calm mind and rapid reflexes to avoid those people. I don't have those, so I'm much better off riding with someone who does.