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I really hope that these intentionally look like a first grader scribbled them on with a sharpie because damn, dude, if you can't even draw a star correctly...
Yeah uh, lemme get like a flaming booger eyeball slightly offset just below my kneecap.
How anyone could walk into this guys shop and not turn right around and walk out is amazing to me. I could understand if every shitty wobbly tatt was a SURPRISE but he's got his portfolio up on the web. Who wakes up and says "Today I want to permanently wear a picture that some 13 year old drew on his notebook in algebra class." Fuck.
Don't forget the tatoos of Chinese characters that are upside down, illegible, or mean "dogfucking slut" and not "invigorating" or whatever BS was intended. Unfortunately hanzismatter has an extensive collection of this form of crapulence.
Holy fuck those are bad. Worst tattoos all day? Those are the worst I've ever seen in my life, and I've seen a lot of bad gutterpunk bic-pen-and-a-razor-motor-and-sewing-needle tats. Disbarred? The guy needs to have every square inch of skin on his body flayed off him with a dry triple needled blackwork head. Tattoo the fucking fucker's bones. Big dogs? Dude, you're a fucking encepheletic chihuaha.
I never could understand how shitty tattooists managed to get work - until I got tattooed.
The studio where I got my work done had a sign on it that read:
"Our cheapest tattoo is £15. It is the word CUNT tattooed on your forehead."
I just thought this was a joke but apparently they would get two or three people a day coming and asking for the cheapest tattoo. What sort of fucking idiot do you have to be to not care what you indelibly mark yourself with as long as it costs less than what you have in your wallet that particular moment in time.
O.M.G. Horrible, unbelievably horrible. I've seen some bad tattoos in my time, but these take the cake. Wonder what the ones he didn't take pictures of look like. >:^p
Ow ow ow, those are _really_really_bad_. And I'm thinking, ok, so these guys are the same artists (hah!, right) that thought they were such hot shit in high school. They were bigger than us, you know - the geeks who could draw - and they were obviously of such sub-human intelligence so if you were to tell them that a geriatric in the later stages of syphilis could do better, you'd get the living crap pounded out of you. Then there are the mouth-breathers that actually get that shit tattooed on their bodies. Wow! Obviously there are quite a few people wandering through life with little or no higher brain functions. So what did we do? Hated them from a distance. Talked about eugenics.
Just to spread the torture thicker, here's more, and even more.
I think this guy lives in a place where every single person who comes into his shop asks for the ugliest, crappiest, most amateurish, nastiest, cheapest tattoo he can possibly give them. And boy, does he deliver! In your wildest dreams you could never hope to achieve this level of talent.
Here's an offer: if any one of you ever decides, for whatever reason, that you must have a Chinese tattoo - send it to me for proofing. Or tell me what you want and I'll do my best to translate and/or write it out correctly. Calligraphy, even. Anything to reduce the chances that I'll encounter "Oh, you know Chinese? Here, what's my tattoo say?" and have to break some sad news.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
