TL - fuck it. Cry. Be crazy. Any person who can't deal with that isn't who you need to be with. Go nuts, be strong, and be human.

And just for the record, in the face of crying, I don't fix or run away. I hang in and hold and see what happens next. And so would any other decent human being.

Go on with your bad self, Emo Girl.

Years ago, I read something, somewhere, that rang very true for me, and that was that women are more likely to cry when they are angry or (esp for me) frustrated than when they are sad.

Which is why often if you start crying (for me, frustrated because I wasn't expressing myself properly, or frustrated because I was being talked over), it's a vicious cycle, because then you get frustrated with yourself for crying, so you cry more.

Oddly enough once I was aware of that, it was easier to control.

Don't know if it applies in your case, but something to think about.

Be yourself! If he can't deal, he's not the right guy.
To me, the best possible friend is someone that still likes you in spite of you being yourself.

Be Emo. Just don't listen emo music, I beg of you.

No myspaceface!

pie: That might be hard to do, since I just got new emo!Velmabeatnik glasses. AND I have the right kind of hair now, too.

If I may offer a gently dissenting opinion: I'm sure we all want to offer you supporting words, but it sounds to me like you have enough trouble handling confrontation without crying that you yourself perceive this as an issue for you ("and possibly over dramatic"). I don't think that translates easily into "If he can't handle it he's not good enough for you." That sounds more like your problem than his. Crying may be a "natural" response to stress, but that doesn't mean it's a healthy or helpful thing to have no control over. Perfectly nice guys may see this as manipulative on your part if every disagreement is met with the full-on emo storm. Ultimately, of course, only you can decide whether this is really enough of an issue in your life to be worth working on, but the fact that you even asked the question suggests to me that this might need more attention than just a group hug. "Just be yourself" is certainly positive, affirming, comforting advice, but we all have flaws. Sometimes "just being ourselves" is really just a way to excuse ourselves from taking responsibility for those flaws.

I'd recommend looking specifically into stress management techniques. Breathing and focusing exercises, etc. The point is not to hide your feelings or meet anybody else's expectations, but to give yourself the confidence to believe that you are capable of handling emotional situations appropriately. If nothing else, you might then be able to spare yourself from second-guessing every tear.

IRFH: I <3 you for saying that. Learning how to control my emotions or to use them constructively is what I want. I don't think he wants me to change because I know he wouldn't have been attracted to me any other way. I want to give myself the tools to work on my problem and at the same time, give him the tools to help him deal with me when I can't.

Thank you for understanding.

"I don't think he wants me to change because I know he wouldn't have been attracted to me any other way."

That's a very healthy perspective. I suspect that even knowing this is important to you will go a long way toward cementing your trust in each other. Best of luck!

IRFH has a point. Crying is good because it reflects your emotions. On the other hand, staying coherent so you can express yourself in words is also good. Balancing between the two is always good, but it can be hard to do without beating yourself up about it.

Try not to beat yourself up about it! When you start crying, try to ask yourself if you'd rather cry or you'd rather talk about things. Remember that you have a choice and the freedom to pick which one, in your judgment, is right for you.

Do you have a photo of the haircut and glasses?

matildaben: Best I could do on short notice.

Oh, TL, that's a great cut on you! ANd I love the glasses, too.
And for what it's worth, I often cry when I get so mad it comes out as liquid steam from my eyes. It's not a weakness, it's a release valve!

That's what I think. But he can't deal, and neither could my ex, and certainly my parents couldn't.

Very cute, TL!

I, too, am a crier when I get angry or upset. It's quite frustrating to try and communicate with tears and snot running down your face. I just try to slow down, take deep breaths and have the other person give me a few moments to gather my wits about me. The mister is really understanding about this and because of his understanding it has become easier and easier for me to not burst into tears when upset or angry.

What you can do is just explain to the other person, when not upset of course (over a meal or watching TV or something like that), that this may happen when emotions are running rampant and to please, please, please just let you take the time to calm down so the situation can be discussed.

I've read that it's because women, or rather girls, aren't taught to deal with emotions such as anger. It isn't nice for girls to display such emotions. Pffft, whatever.