I'm on hold. My call has been first in the queue for 10 minutes. Maybe I should take my clothes off.→[More:]
I am so tired of working. Would like to take time off and campaign all the time. There's a peace walk on to Edinburgh against the Trident renewal and I'd like to be walking in the rain with Mike, listening to his voluminous knowledge of Scottish people's history. I like campaigning so much and am good at it! 'Tis no trouble being nice to people in that context, but at work I'm stressed and scared all the time. When I'm campaigning I like me. I give advice and stick by my word. I don't try to please others for its own sake, and people keep coming to me for assistance. The love of my Better Half and success in campaigning have brought me to a better level of self regard than I've ever been at.

I hope I never become so callused that every word out of my mouth seems fake. I hope I never become passive aggressive. Have you ever met people like that? You can see the little barbs of falseness when they try to be polite.

I wonder sometimes what it would take to rip the fake off the fake people. Cartoon scenarios come up, like the Road Runner peering birdishly over the cliff where Wiley E. Coyote is dangling by a few fingers... of course this scenario would bring about pleading, not realism. Perhaps an immersive virtual reality to trick them into honesty would be required. But a little birdie tells me that the fake people are fake because deep down, they hate themselves. And I don't anymore - it definitely increases my fuck you quotient towards others, but it makes me speak far less on aggregate.