MetaChat - Venting thread.

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14 August 2006

Venting thread. →[More:]Oh I'm just frustrated at a couple of my friends and needed to yell at the universe. So nobody has to read my venting, because it's a little petty, and a little mean, and is only venting at only 1% of my friends personalities, but it's driving me nuts. So.

Friend 1: YES you ARE neurotic! And therapy has not made it better, it's made it worse! Your therapist has just pushed your brain even further up your ass. Stop fucking well mulling things over 18 zillion different ways! Stop over thinking stuff and just live your life! Can't you see it's paralysing you? Well, obviously not. Get out of your head occasionally.

And yeah, that's why you can't sustain a relationship for longer than a few weeks. Because you want to have a goddamn "relationship status" talk after 4 weeks of dating! Gah! I know you fall hard for guys, but back off a little. You're being scary intense.

Friend 2: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. Do you know how rude it is, when somebody shares something about themselves, to cut in with an anecdote or observation from your own life without even addressing what they just said? Obviously not. And stop fishing for compliments! Yes, I noticed your new hair colour. I said I liked it. Stop asking me 5 more times if I noticed it! It's annoying, and I know you're not that insecure. But if you aren't insecure what are you? An attention whore! Yes, that's right.

aahhh I feel better. And better directed at the intertubes than to my friends, who are mostly wonderful people and could yell at me about all the annoying stuff that I do too.

post by: gaspode at: 11:51 | 34 comments

(((gaspode)))

posted by comments on the world as will 14 August | 11:59

I'm sorry. Friend #2 could be me at times.

posted by jonmc 14 August | 11:59

Interesting jon. Do you play bridge?

posted by gaspode 14 August | 12:00

no. I just recognize some of my own faults in there.

posted by jonmc 14 August | 12:02

I am friend #2.
Stop fucking well mulling things over 18 zillion different ways! Stop over thinking stuff and just live your life!
I totally think too much...

posted by getoffmylawn 14 August | 12:05

I know you fall hard for guys, but back off a little. You're being scary intense.

That sounds like the kind of thing you should tell your friend. I mean, otherwise she'll just continue down the crazy lady path and scare all her suitors away.

posted by cmonkey 14 August | 12:06

Oops, Friend #1.

posted by getoffmylawn 14 August | 12:06

*vents*

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

posted by flopsy 14 August | 12:14

Your therapist has just pushed your brain even further up your ass.

I am so using that line! This is why I like rants; the dialogue's always great.

posted by JanetLand 14 August | 12:16

Well, I can see I'm far too fucked up to be your friend. : )

posted by Pips 14 August | 12:18

awww pipsy. I *said* I was being petty. I think I would drive myself crazy, if I were my own friend.

posted by gaspode 14 August | 12:23

The fact that you acknowledge that they're mostly wonderful people at the end of this says so much about you being a great person as well.

I loved this vent, by the way.

So human.

HI, GASPODE!

posted by Joe Famous 14 August | 12:24

JF! How was your Saturday morning?

cmonkey, you're right, I should say something like that to her.

posted by gaspode 14 August | 12:27

Saturday was exactly the way I thought it was gonna be...CRAAAAAZEEEEE!
But I put my foot down, made her do the damn thing right (she cried because I yelled at her), then we drank the bottle of wine she brought to the session.
All is well and the song came out great!

How was yours?

posted by Joe Famous 14 August | 12:35

Yay for the song turning out well! Mine was fine, standard weekend stuff. My friend from CT ended up staying with us because he didn't realise how much alcohol was in all his long island iced teas. oops. he was in no state to get on a train back to new haven. So we hung out with him all day Saturday.

posted by gaspode 14 August | 12:38

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why didn't you warn him? lol....too funny!

"BAD GIRL, GASPODE!" hahahaha.

posted by Joe Famous 14 August | 12:42

That's okay, 'pode. I once had a friend tell me right to my face when I was moaning about not having many friends, "Maybe it's you." I was so hurt I asked him to leave, which I regret; clearly he hit upon a truth. Honestly though, I don't know why I don't have many friends, as in someone to bum around a museum with or go shopping with. Sometimes I think I try too hard, smile too much. I'm afraid of letting my "weirdness" show, which just makes me seem all the weirder.

posted by Pips 14 August | 12:48

(and yeah, I have that "it's all about me" problem, too)

posted by Pips 14 August | 12:49

Oh you've got the "therapy" friend,'pode. I've got one of those. I barely talk to her because she's sooo exhausting. Does she use the therapist as a back-up opinion to allow her to do whatever the hell she wants? Like, "I'd looove to help you move, but my therapist says that I need to learn to say 'No.'"

posted by jrossi4r 14 August | 12:51

What Pips said. Exactly what Pips said.

I wish you lived in London, Pips, and we could go shopping and then have lunch and watch a chick flick together.

posted by essexjan 14 August | 12:54

Pips, you're great. You're my friend, and I like everything about you.

You'll forgive me if I go to museums with someone else (see, PS1 is right in my backyard, so if I meet This Girl there, then we can stop up at my place to burn one and, you know, chill) but I often have ulterior motives for my field trips.

And your "weirdness" makes me feel comfortable.

posted by Hugh Janus 14 August | 13:04

*gives Gaspode a big hug and a mug of peppermint green tea*

vent threads are indeed awesome. what gets my goat, specifically, today, is the fact that it's Monday and I'm wishing I was still out in the backcountry on my bike. not really a vent, more of a 'crap, having to work sucks' kind of thing.

not that (ugh) it's all about me either, but I totally recognise that I am Friend #2 as well. the thing is, I KNOW I do this. And it irks the hell out of me. How does one stop?? ugh... nevermind, move along, nothing to see here.

Pips, don't worry, seriously. it sounds as though you've a good perspective. I don't have tons of (well not close anyway) friends myself, but ask yourself this: would you rather have a bunch of shallow 'acquaintance' friends who can't or won't tolerate you quirks and all, or a handful of truly loyal friends who will stand by you and accept you for who you are, quirks and all, through every and anything?

posted by lonefrontranger 14 August | 13:06

*sips peppermint tea. breathes deeply*

pips, I like you heaps and it makes me sad to think I like "holding back" pips.

It's tough, the whole friends thing, as we get older. Like, making friends that you can just call up and hang out with. I don't have any of those in New York - all of my hanging out is prearranged. When I make a new friend now I have all that anxiety about giving them enough space, not intruding on them etc. (I do like my gaspode-time myself) so I lose that whole spontaneity thing that came with my younger-me friendships. I still have friends like that, just they live in Montreal, Sydney, Auckland, London.

jrossi - you've nailed therapy friend. Also with the spending half an hour hashing out her emotional issues to conclude with "but then, my therapist thinks I should do it the other way, so that's what I'll do". And I never get my half hour back. *sigh*

posted by gaspode 14 August | 13:27

I 'lost' a couple of friends over the last couple of years. One, who I'd met online, moved to England when her husband was posted here a few years ago. Our friendship was as strong in person as it was online. Her husband was posted back to Houston just over a year ago.

Then there was this friend. Who is not, I realise, really a friend at all, or only on her terms, anyway. Since that post I've spoken to her a few more times, but it's been same old, same old, so I am going to have to cut the ties.

It does get harder to make friends the older you get, especially if you move away from the place you went to school. My sister stayed in our home town and is still friends with people she was at school with 45 years ago.

posted by essexjan 14 August | 13:38

Thanks, ej. Me, too. That all sounds so great to me... Can't wait to meetcha in Vegas! : )

HJ, that's just cause you're weird, too. (Hee hee...)

And true, lfr. My father always said if you have one or two true friends in your life, you're blessed (of course, he was something of a bastard to his family, so go figure). But I miss having a girlfriend I could call and tell about my day or just hang out with. I haven't had that in a long time. I love jon, of course (he is my best friend), and I love hanging out with the NY MeCha gang; we have a great group here, but sometimes with jon and the guys I feel a little like a tag-along. I used to always have a close friend or two, but making a friend of my own now seems like such a mystery to me.

(on preview: thanks gaspode... it's not really "holding back" pips, just maybe a little "self-conscious/worried you won't like me when you get to know me" pips...)

posted by Pips 14 August | 13:38

Yeah, ej, my former friends are spread all over tarnation, too... one in California, one in Indiana (I think), one in Miami, Florida, others who just fell off the radar... I have to remember that it's hard for everyone else, too, and to go ahead and take a chance and ask more people to hang out more often, and if they can't or don't want to, not to assume it's because there's something wrong with me (or if it is, so what; there's bound to be someone out there who'll like me enough to wanna see a movie or somethin'). I must admit, it was a pretty sad situation when I couldn't fill up even one lane with enough "friends" to celebrate my 40th birthday. Woe's me...

(oh yeah, self-pity... another of my more pleasant tendencies)

posted by Pips 14 August | 13:49

You're so cute when you pity yourself, Wonder Woman.

posted by Hugh Janus 14 August | 13:54

'pode: May I borrow your vent thread for a bit? This may also be a little petty and I may need a bitch slap when I'm done, but...

Snacky Friend: I love you like a brother, you know? And you chose to spend your birthday with me helping me tidy up my room and put up shelving and I will always love you for that.

But I wonder if you realize that sometimes, rather than waiting for me to tell you what I want done next, you could ask instead? And some things are just intuitive, like when I say that we're emptying out all the crates so I can zip tie them to the brackets we just put up, maybe you could take the next crate and empty it out instead of me saying, "Can you empty out the next crate, please?"

I mean, you finish with one crate and then you go back out to the living room to sit. There are TWO more crates to do, and I'm busy tying the first one to the brackets. Anyone else would have started emptying out the next crate. Why didn't you?

*sigh*

And of course, me whinging about this makes me seem ungrateful, and I'm not. Really, I'm not.

posted by TrishaLynn 14 August | 14:28

On making friends: It is so very hard. I miss my best friend. I wish I could hang with my new roommates like I used to hang with The Spaniel. Or I wish I had a friend whose place I could hang at like I did with Kelly (God rest her soul).

NYC is a great city for making friends, but hanging out isn't spontaneous when one friend lives in one borough and another lives elsewhere, and hardly anyone has an apartment or house to themselves.

*bats eyelashes at Pips* Will you be my friend? I only have to transfer trains once to hang with you...

posted by TrishaLynn 14 August | 14:34

PIPS WILL ALWAYS BE JOE'S FRIEND
Kindness goes a long, long way with me and is never ever forgotten.

You rock, guuuuuurl!

posted by Joe Famous 14 August | 15:25

I'm feelin' the love, truly folks. Much appreciated.

Jon has said I lack confidence. He's been encouraging me for years to get "oot 'n aboot" more (in Canada, apparently); I'm happy to have been reachin' out more, and I hope to continue to get to know y'all (and let you know me)...

posted by Pips 14 August | 16:00

(TL, if only things weren't so, well, complicated...)

posted by Pips 14 August | 16:15

I like you, Pips, and I'm weird, too. How many people do you know who love to visit cemeteries? Perhaps letting some of your "weird" show, would encourage some of your friends to let theirs show.

*whoops. wait a minute. could be dangerous. ;^) *

posted by redvixen 14 August | 17:39

To Friend #1: quit the shrink and find something holistic.

Is Friend # 2 the one who likes putting stuff up the nose?--most likely that's what's talking.

posted by brujita 14 August | 18:24

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