If it makes you feel any better, I wish I weighed more, too.

I get the same thing when I moan about how much it costs to fill up the gas tank of my porsche. So, they can't afford the repayments on their little cars?? What have I done to deserve the vitriol I get. :-)

Your sister is over-reacting (probably), but it's a subject she doesn't like to hear because it brings up her own worries about body image, and it makes her feel bad. In answer to your question... Yes, unless the fatter person you're talking to feels comfortable(ish) with their own body image.

This goes both ways as well. I've a huge mental problem with my excess of girth & weight (not so much that I wouldn't listen to you casarkos), but there are overly-thin girls I know who I wouldn't bring the subject of my weight up with because I know it's going to trigger all the self-loathing cues they have about their own body image.

You should be careful about who you talk to about the uncomfortableness of your newly big clothes. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.

this thread is useless w/o pix

So...does this mean you can only worry about your weight/shape to someone who is a smaller size?

No, I would lean towards... you can only worry about your weight/shape to someone who is secure with their own self image.

The next she starts complaining about her weight "problem" tell her to shut up because you don't want to hear it. You don't, do you?

Or, instead of shut up, just ask her to not vent on you if she's not willing to listen to your own concerns because that's kind of rude.

And I was just complaining about my favorite shorts not fitting me anymore because I've dropped some weight. My wife did not tell me to shut up, which was nice.

Very rarely do you hear actually fat people saying, "oh my gawd, I'm so fat! Look at my ass!" and that is because they know that everyone else knows that. Usually when people complain that they're fat, they're looking for someone to say, "oh no you're not, you're perfect!"

As someone who is actually (quite) fat, I'm very sensitive to how people talk about weight. I can't help but feel really self-conscious when I hear a woman who can't wear more than a size 8 complain about her body - "If she thinks she's fat, what does she think of me?" And when I come across those strange and wonderful people who are naturally very thin and wish they could gain weight, of course I feel jealous. Because I love to eat. I really really love it. But me and food can't hang out the way we used to if I'm going to be healthy. So any resentment comes from that pure, evil, bitter jealousy.

However, I've come to realize that it's really hypocritical for me to think that people should leave fat people the heck alone if they want to be fat, while at the same time chiming in with advice for Nicole Richie to eat a damn sandwich already. So lately I've just been avoiding commenting on anyone's body, for good or bad, because we've all got our issues and really it's no one's business but our own.

I heard some size-0 chickie in the mall talking about how many "points" her lunch had. I wanted to pick her up and throw her across the room.

Body issues are body issues, and we're all equally entitled to them. (In a perfect world, we'd all be equally immune from them, but things just don't work that way.)

I've said this here before, but in my 20s people -- women, exclusively -- would come up to me and say "Oh my god, you're sooooo skinny!" It apparently never occurred to them that I was self-conscious about being so skinny. (Every new doctor I went to would try to trick me into admitting an eating disorder.) And see, I never, ever would have walked up to any of them and said "Oh my god, you're sooooo fat!"

A striking percentage of us have issues with our bodies; the body in question doesn't really matter much.

Casarkos, you have every right to complain about loose jeans, or to feel happy that your body is in better shape. But she's your sister and why hurt her feelings unneccessarily? Keep reassuring her that she's gorgeous just the way she is.

What ferociouskitty said.

I'm not going to talk about men here, because I have less experience with their issues regarding body image... but you know what? I really, really appreciate my women friends who basically don't talk about their weight/thighs/ankles/ass/boobs/whatever.

I just find it incredibly boring and ... pointless. Okay, if I have a good friend who's dieting or trying to gain weight, we will talk about things related to that, because it's something that's happening in their lives. We'll talk about recipes, or food items, or SCIENCE... but please don't constantly discuss your butt with me (not talking to you, casarkos!). If you hate it, exercise, diet, do whatever you want to change it, but please don't expect me to sit around and talk about your ass. I. Just. Won't. Do. It.

/rant

We, on the other hand, delight in talking about Taz' ass.

I may create a new site - "asschat".

Sign me up!

Just to clarify,I'm not even trying to mention my weight, or shape, or whatever. I don't say, "OMG I can't see my ass where did it go" all the time because honestly that annoys me just as much as it does Taz, and really I don't care about my own weight. I am seriously referring only to the fit of my clothes, which I've always tended to buy one size too big anyway (now starting to realize that's not a good strategy), and I don't even do so all that often--just when one particular huge pair of jeans appears in the rotation to remind me (where are all the 100% cotton jeans anyway).
I really don't mean, or want, to even bring up the body issues.

When I started Weight Watchers I noticed women at the meetings who didn't look like they belonged there (what? she's too damned skinny to be at a WW meeting!). You eventually learn their stories - that woman wearing size 16 used to weigh 300 pounds. Yeah, you may still see her as fat but remember where she used to be. That size 0? She's a food addict and weighed 250. She's happy to be a size 0 now and wants to make sure she stays that way so she counts meal points.

It's not easy to learn to not take people at, literally, face value. I'm in the process of teaching myself to not comment (mentally or otherwise) on other people bodies. You just don't know, unless they share, where people are with their bodies.

casarkos - I'm with fenriq. If both of you can't complain, then neither of you can complain. Just because your issue may be different, it doesn't mean it's not equally valid.

I heard some size-0 chickie in the mall talking about how many "points" her lunch had.

That's why she's a size 0, girlfriend. Oh noes! Self control!

Oh, yes, casarkos! I understand completely what you're saying... my little thing was just a semi-related rant, and not about what you were talking about at all, really. And I'm not as bad as I sound... I don't care if someone says that they've lost/gained weight and their clothes aren't fitting, or even if they say they need to lose weight, firm up, whatever... it's fine. And I can talk about that a bit, no problem. I just know some people who always talk about stuff related to their weight or body-look, and it grinds my nerves.