Not quite enough for a road trip but the article does have this great paragraph.

“The bull nuts are going to fall off,” said Rich Wince, 28, of Grinnell, as he posed for a picture by bear-hugging Albert’s boys.

Since, you know, Rich is short for Richard and another nickname is Dick. So he could be Dick Wince of Grinnell and that's funny. That and the fact that he's hugging a fake bull's nuts.

Trivia: Did you know that "Des Moines" is French for "get your hand off my crotch"?

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Penis.Testicles.

Trivia: Did you know that "Des Moines" is French for "get your hand off my crotch"?

I could have used that bit of trivia about an hour ago. I was walking to the local ghetto hooch-mart (just two doors up, yay) to get a snack and I had some totally scary cracked out and smelly street whore (that I haven't seen around here before) abort her jaywalking attempt only to turn around, walk right up to me and attempt to grab my crotchfruit. She actually managed to grope my hip and upper thigh before I twisted away and arm-blocked her. You woulda thunk that this would have happened already in the few months I've been here in the ghetto, but, no, it has to happen just before I move.

"Goddamn, woman! DES MOINES! DES MOINES!!"

Seriously. I'm gonna have nightmares, I bet. Total road pizza, like, just the crust of.

These 'things' (that is to say, the massive fake bull testicles) are not from Des Moines. They're from lovely Audubon, Iowa.

From the wiki:

Audubon is a city in Audubon County, Iowa, United States. The population was 2,382 at the 2000 census. It is the county seat of Audubon CountyGR6. Audubon is home to a gigantic cattle statue, Albert the Bull.

No, they're from Rockhampton. The gateway to the tropics, beef capital of Australia, and a town where the only fun thing to do is steal the testicles from the bull.

Oh, wait. I think I get a good idea of what life might be like in Audubon, Iowa.

Maybe we could arrange a swap whereby the person responsible for replacing the bull's balls in Rocky goes to live in Audubon for a while (and of course, vise versa)?

Coming soon to Fox, a brand new reality show: "Testicle Swap."

Fuzzy, my people will call your people.

*Plans how to spend the money*

*pulls out large quantity to play-doh*
*lays claim to secondthird largest anatomically-correct bull in the world*

Don't anatomically correct bulls have anuses?

*goes of to find copy of Animal Husbandry: Not Just for sheepshaggers anymore*

Yes. They're huge.

It's my civic duty to know about these things.