MetaChat - Ask LT Anything! (L'amour Edition!)

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27 July 2006

Ask LT Anything! (L'amour Edition!) →[More:] Kidlets - it's summertime, and we all know what that means - skin, skin and more skin! Dark skin, light skin, shaved skin and moleskine!

So do LT a favor and send him your letters of longing, of left-hand smoke. Got a romantic query? A libidinous, languorous lament?

Just Ask LT!(tm).

post by: Lipstick Thespian at: 21:56 | 16 comments

Oh, I read that as "got a libidinous intent?"

Always. Always.

posted by scarabic 27 July | 22:07

Dear LT,

I find that because of my good looks, effortless charm, and smouldering sex appeal, many people are too bedazzled to engage in socializing with me. What's a boy to do?

jonmc

posted by jonmc 27 July | 22:10

I put this as a comment on a crush's MySpace:

Dear Mandy,

I find you attractive.

Now, that's a relatively vague statement about my (granted my humanity) obviously complex emotional state. Allow me to elaborate.

I enjoy spending time with you. The thoughts that I have when I'm around you are pleasant thoughts. They're often funny thoughts, and I find myself laughing out loud when I'm around you. You're wit is terribly attractive, and is indicative of your considerable intelligence.

Many times, however, the thoughts I have about you are lustful. You arouse a physical attraction in me that burns with ardent passion. Your form is graceful and beauty is defined by the look of your eye.

Perhaps similar emotions are aroused within yourself when you are around me, and perhaps similar thoughts are on your mind. If this is the truth, you should stop reading this right now and come over. We can then reconcile our shared metaphysics with our physical bodies.

Perhaps, however, you think about shoes when I'm around. I wear yellow ones, and they catch your eye and before you know it your mind has wandered about exotic high-heel knee-high red-soled boots or delicate calf sandals or even just a nice, comfy pair of Reefs. Perhaps you don't think similar thoughts to mine when we share company.

If this is the case, do not despair our relationship. This confession to you is temporal in nature, frozen throughout time from now until forever but representative of me only at one time--right now. My thoughts, they change. I grow, I develop, I am not the I of yesterday.

I resemble he (slightly stubblier, alas) in looks and good intentions alone. My thoughts are independent of his, and my feelings tortured one moment and serene the next.

I know your good nature is constant. If you despise this slip of mine desire please let me know, but do not make me go. Keep me on in good faith, and I will be goodly faithful to you. I respect you, and desire your company in any context.

You should read my weblog--I say this all much better there.

Truly,
Cotwaw

What kind of flowers should I send?

posted by comments on the world as will 27 July | 22:12

Dear JonMC - I find myself completely intimidated by your uber-Scruffiness. I can only take comfort in the fact that your woman Loves You All Up(tm) for all of us. Go for the Grace of God, man, for the good of Mankind.

-LT

posted by Lipstick Thespian 27 July | 22:13

LT, where are my fucking car keys? You think I'm gonna walk to the beer store? It's uphill!

posted by trondant 27 July | 22:15

Dear Cotwaw - if indeed, you are not desirous of U.S. citizenship by such a letter, perhaps a softer approach is needed? I cannot say. When love floods one's mind, it is a desolate affair to parse the strands one would weave in the daylit world. I wish you the best in your shoe-gazing ardor.

Sincerely,
LT

posted by Lipstick Thespian 27 July | 22:23

cotwaw:

I'm also told that your crush came and gives without taking.

posted by jonmc 27 July | 22:26

Goober! Jaysus Kee-ristos, man! You think I'm-a let you have car keys? You can barely handle Crayolas.

Call me when the sitter wakes you for oatmeal,

LT

posted by Lipstick Thespian 27 July | 22:26

LT, LT upon the Board, who is the fairest one of all?

posted by porpoise 27 July | 22:37

my ardor is your 'our door' to my heart. thanks, LT!

actually, this reminds me of another problem I had a while back. I met a man online, and we were exchanging emails. after I wrote him the following email, he stopped writing back. why?

Hello,

Do
accept my sincere apologies if my mail does not meet your
personal ethics. I will introduce myself as Mr.Robbin Kuuk,
a staff in the accounts management section of the above
firm here in the United Kingdom.

One of our accounts with holding balance of �15,000,000
(Fifteen Million British Pounds) has been dormant and has
not been operated for the past four (4) years.

From my investigations and confirmations, the owner of
this account, a foreigner by name Kurt Kahle died in
July, 2000...

It goes on, of course, but I think you know what it says. I enjoyed the fresh plot of a British businessman dealing in Pounds Sterling instead of the usual hereditary prince of BFA, so I thought I'd reward them with a reply. Here it is:

Hello Mr. Robbin Kuuk -

Do you believe in love at first read?

I sure do. Having received your email regarding what, I don't know, and having read the glorious prose through which you set forth some fraudulent scheme, I instantly became wholly infatuated with you.

Will you bear my children? Will you blow alternating hot and cold? Will you make sweet, sweet, love to me and my family while we discuss financial balderdash and evil identity theft plot schemes? Oh, I do hope so.

Ethics need not be considered. My steaming pile of love for you transcends ethics, travels deep into and well beyond the cold, desolate realm of scruples, envelopes and destroys the concepts of money, power, and sexuality, whizzes at lightning speed by the flesh-eating morass of politics, government and soverignity, and leads (hopefully) to your soft, wet cavities.

Pleasure me with your English Pounds. Load your ridiculously improbable amounts of money onto my hardened, thrumming sex drive, and let us fuck away our cares. I'll do you first, and once I've had my way with your hidden Kuuk, we'll see about you getting yours.

If there is any possibility of us meeting in person, so I can fill you with my hot bank deposit and you can wear my identity like a mask over your bulging, deceased assets, please reply and let me know. I am eager to feel your skin on my sharpened objects.

Please, please do not ignore my fantasy. If you do, I'll tell my daddy who works at Fox News. I know you.

Peace,
Cotwaw

you're an inspiration, LT. much love and thanks in advance1

posted by comments on the world as will 27 July | 22:44

(btw, I told my dad but he said he couldn't do anything and didn't support my facetous gay email relationships.)

posted by comments on the world as will 27 July | 22:46

/me laughs, reels, colors your haid with a red Slayola

posted by trondant 27 July | 22:48

Oh! Look out, y'all! Here comes Old Raidhaided Slayola! (used to call him the Streak...)

posted by Lipstick Thespian 27 July | 23:04

Dear Porpoise - if one gauges the fair by the pinkest Pearlescent skin, there is indeed one near who is The Fairest. Sadly, this isn't you.

You look nice in your bib, though.

Sincerely,
LT

posted by Lipstick Thespian 27 July | 23:38

Dear LT,

What should I do about my crush? I'm not sure if he feels the same about me as I do about him. I couldn't bear it if he doesn't actually like me. Is kidnapping an option here?

posted by SassHat 28 July | 08:38

Dear Sasshat -

Kidnapping a crush is never an option, not even if it's a Baby Echidna!

You must be honest with your crush and just say You make my Heart's Car Do Donuts in my Pants.

Or you know, something like that.

Good luck and good racing!

LT

posted by Lipstick Thespian 28 July | 21:07

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