I have already (I am only 37) survived both of my parents, and my sister, who also happened to be my best friend.

I have this little saying I repeat over and over:
"I would have a nervous breakdown, but I've been through this too many times before to be nervous". Author unknown.

I know that didn't answer your question, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Inertia. Seriously. Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, I try to find one or two things to distract me focus on, do what needs to be done, and then simply let time sweep on by until I can gain some perspective. I'm in that phase right now, myself. It's why I'm kinda, sorta back for a while. I'm depressed, and aimless, and totally failing to get myself back on track. But I know from past experience that this, too, shall pass. So here I am, trying to keep a social connection. So lean on the bunnies, and abide. Sorry - that's all I got.

I feel anniversaries of traumatic experiences deeply also. I am not sure how I get through them. . .a bit of wallowing, maybe talking about them with someone.

Late fall and winter are when bad stuff has happened to me, mostly.

LT, would you care to elaborate on what transition(s) you are talking about, mainly?

IRFH: Welcome back! You back for good, or just lurking?

LT: I wish I could help you answer this question because I'm dealing with too much inertia right now. AAMOF, I'm just hanging out online when I should be packing some books or some crap right now.

I try to get my transitions done in as little time as possible. T1 always is a bit of a bitch when you're trying to get the wet suit off and T2's just a matter of racking the bike and throwing on your running shoes. Of course, I get penalized for drafting when I'm not paying attention so it all becomes moot in the end. Wait... wha?

Ahem.

My family's going through some fairly major stuff with my Dad's health and it looks like it's not going to be resolved anytime soon. The possible outcomes aren't very pleasant and I'm only just beginning to deal with some of the fallout. Still, I think that having this extra time will be good for my family and me in the long run, as it will help us prepare for the inevitable conclusion of this particular saga, regardless of what it is.

At the same time, I've also just started dating someone really great and I'm having a blast seeing her. Things seem to be going by really quickly and I would rather that they didn't so that I could relish the times we're together all the more.

In both of these cases, I'm trying to let things happen as they will. Sometimes I forget to do so and will get a little overwhelmed, but I think that letting go may be what I need to do to be okay with it all.

Things will happen as they happen and bodyglide will always help get that wetsuit off quickly.

Not sure, TrishaLynn. I came back for a day to acknowledge a shoutout, and then just kinda forgot to leave again. Like I said, above - I'm going through a bit of a rough patch, myself, and seem to need the community. Well, I may be a fool, but I ain't a damned fool, so if ya'll make me feel better, I'm going to go ahead and lean on you for awhile. I hope that LT finds some of that comfort here, as well.

Danf - mainly just wanting to move on in life. Lately I've come to realize that I should be moving on from Seattle and starting over, and right now everything is in flux - still looking for work, wishing I was in better health, and just re-ordering my whole gig.

The reason I posted is I was walking home and noticed my favorite neigborhood dog, Homer, and his family had moved out and I didn't know about it. So instead of crazy Labrador energy on my evening walk, I saw an empty house and no kids in the drive. Just made me realize how my time here in the NW is coming to a close, and how much work is needed to make it happen.

Ah - I sympathize LT, I do. I'm needing a change, too, but I just can't seem to make it happen. Family complications. How best to jump start major life changes (especially when they'd impact those you love)? Carefully or recklessly? Different answers for different people at different times. Balance is usually best, but you can over plan the future to a standstill, too. Do you know what you want? That's usually a good first step. Really figuring out what you want. (Yeah - easier said than done.)

I was all ready to do one type of major transition in my life, and it didn't work out. So I'm redirecting and going for a different transition. Confusion and uncertainty reigns. All I can think to tell you is if it's a tough time, smile a lot--it makes your face feel good.

I don't know - I'm in therapy, and I think it's kind of helping. My therapist is a total Asheville hippie though, who wants me to do Qi Gong and take fish oil and read strange books, which sounds awful but actually is really good for me. He said to me one day: "There are many ways to live - there isn't really a right or wrong way" and somehow that opened my head back up and I began to relax and stop obsessing over my awful failures as a human being. I seem to have been in a big transition for about a year now without really noticing it at first. I guess it's my mid life crisis. I got very depressed this spring but I came out of it - nothing has changed externally but my interior landscape is a lot happier and healthier these days, even though my life still and always seems to consist of lurching from crisis to crisis. So, this rather long winded anecdotal post is basically saying what I always say in times of crisis: 1. Wait, 2. Breath, 3. Find a wise hippie to talk to. Also fish oil. I keep forgetting to take it, but it's there in the fridge and unlike a diaphragm, it seems able to work from across the room. ;-)

Breath and go on. No joke. My mom died when I was 13. My dad lived for 25 more years and I am still here. I lost something dear but other people needed me. You never know how important you are to others. I am not really saying this well but no matter what, life goes on and others need you even if you don't know it. Just like Homer never knew his importance.

Just breath and go on with your day.

eh, arse-hat is right. Breathe and go on. At first, you just put one foot in front of the other, and then repeat again.

Give yourself time to grieve, there is no timetable. I think one year can be a very hard time. Early on, you are in shock, or angry, or hanging on to any nearby flotsam for dear life. Then come survival tasks, the hard work of picking up the pieces. With some measure of distance - a year, two years, you are at a different point but the loss, the change can still be very raw. The weight can be palpable. You may feel you should be further along in your healing or that you will never be free of the weight, never be happy again. You will.

At first it may just be a small detail - the lovely incipient green of a budding tree in the spring, a line from a poem, or the laughter of a friend over a glass of wine. Over time, this little fledgling sprout will grow more robust.

Give yourself time to grieve. But "...don't marry suffering. Some people do. They get married to it, and sleep and eat together, just as husband and wife. If they go with joy they think it's adultery." (Saul Bellow)

I have had five major life changes in my adult life - five periods of major upheaval in which the entire landscape of my life changed and Nothing Was Ever The Same Again. From this vast store of wisdom and experience, I can say, um... Well. Turns out there's not much I can say.

I guess I can say I've never been sorry, even when there been pain involved. And that the worst part is the period of waiting, either for reasons of necessity, or self-imposed planning/organizing stages. This is unbearable to me. I'm like a cat on a hot tin roof once I've committed mentally to some sort of action, and in-between steps are agonizing. Whenever possible, I just skip them. :) Which I guess answers Flo's question, "How best to jump start major life changes (especially when they'd impact those you love)? Carefully or recklessly?" Dude, recklessly! The less reck, the better!

I'm still working on sorting things out again since I packed up and left Florida without much of a game plan. I have really bad days, and then really good days. I can't ever predict which is going to come. As someone who's spent a lot of my life living through and then recovering from upheaval, I sometimes wonder - if I feel this tired at 23, how am I going to feel when I'm my mother's age?

My mom's the ultimate survivor and whenever I feel like things are on a downslope I just think about the advice she's given me over the years, simple things like, "keep on breathing, the world isn't going to stop because you're having a bad day." Or "Don't ever worry so much about the past or the future that you neglect the present."

I'm not sure any of my experience will give insight into yours, LT, because most of my big life changes were sort of abruptly shoved in my path: deaths, parents' divorce, job changes, stuff like that.

When things in my professional life have taken a dive, I follow the advice my partner once gave me: "You can stand anything for a year. Don't feel liek you have react right away." Sure enough, every time, a better situation has presented itself within a year, and I was able to take advantage of it without major upheaval.

Family problems and deaths: I constantly remind myself that the pain WILL eventually subside to a tolerable level, even though it'll never go completely away, and that this is unfortunately part of life- much of it is wonderful, but there's always going to be pain as well.

Like I said, I'm not sure how helpful any of that is to you... it sounds like you're looking for motivation to make a big change, and I suck at that. :) If you're wanting to get out of the NW, maybe the answer is to start traveling some... go see someplace you've always been interested in, but have never been to. That might get you fired up to start packing your stuff and looking for your next home.

I left the Pac NW after a solid decade there and it was a tough transition. At the same time, there was something really amazing about being somewhere where you have a decent chance of sunshine on practically every day of the year. It changed me, for the better. Seattle was awesome for my twenties and early thirties, lots to do, people to meet, stuff happening all the time and now I'm enjoying being in New England, nearer to my family and where I grew up, in a more rural location which is what I am used to in some sense. Seattle is a great place to visit, but the constant churn of change there wasn't something I wanted in my day to day life.

As for transitions, I'm going through one myself, a personal life transition where the other details are staying the same. I've found that the best things to do are to find ways to make the time pass smoothly and if possible pleasantly. Have a few long-range game plans to hang little future hooks on. Be good to yourself - eat okay, exercise, take up some good habits, floss - so that when you're done feeling the wonky in-betweenies, you're in good shape and happy with the physical you.

Above all, for me, find support where it's offered and give yourself permission to indulge in it. Sometimes people who might not have been first stringers in your day to day life turn out to be excellent companions or listeners in the space you're in now. Try not to compare the under-stress you to the high-powered you and just concentrate on maintaining connections (not burning bridges, etc) moving gently forward and staying out of the big bog of the blues. Good luck.

Check your email. Basically, in sum, I agree with others who said that it's about keeping going, that eventually you'll get through it.

I'm a breath-holder. I have a note on my monitor and one on my fridge to remind me to breathe. This year, thus far, has been filled with ongoing, unwelcome and brutally painful transitions. Because of these, I find myself actually longing for a somewhat boring life.

I've also been checking out houses in St. John's, Newfoundland because I think I can convince the local university there to consider a new programme for which I am fully capable of implementing. It's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. This would be a good transition, I think: Living on The Rock.