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24 June 2006

thank you [More:]

For the kindess. My mother picked her up for me and my stepfather helped me dig a grave for her. I let him bury her for me, I just didn't even want to see the box.

Maybe in a couple of weeks I can make a marker and do what I would like to do in the spot, but for now I am just trying to concentrate on other things and I will not be posting for at least a few days but I'll be back sometime.

I am having trouble with this. I have never been this attached to a pet before, she was just with me nearly all the time inside or out and was probably the most affectionate and responsive cat I have ever had. I know she died peacefully and I know she was treated well and always loved but it just does not seem right that she only had four years and I keep having to stop myself from finding all the ways that I could have maybe prevented this. Yet it seems like she was here longer too. Anyway.
There's likely more understanding here than you expect. When my cat died at the end of '04, I was devastated and I remained being very upset by it for months and months. I was far more long-term upset by her death than I ever expected.

So I think there's folks here who really do understand and, because of that, are more than happy to talk with you about Bear, if you want or need. That includes me, of course.
posted by kmellis 24 June | 22:30
For real. I'm sorry too, I didn't mention it in the other thread, but I am sorry for your trouble.

I had a cat for 18 years and she got older and sicker and hung on and then one day when I was away she got really sick and my fiance called me and I drove home in a daze and took her to the animal hospital and they said either we operate on her and likely she dies and it costs two grand and she is surely in bad pain if she lives or we put her to sleep. I held her while she died and the vet (Maybe the most empathetic person I've ever met, he apologized to me and then to my cat as he put in the IV and then he sent me a card weeks later, the man is a living saint, I think) said it was for the best.

I was all kinds of numb and miserable, I'd changed plans and moved to specific apartments so I could keep my cat. I was a mess. Then I got really mad at myself for being so sad about a cat and that sucked, I couldn't rationalize it, but I really needed to.

Then I realized that we don't always get to chose who we love, animal or human and that can be a blessing and the world is an ugly place, often and for that very reason and for all the things having that cat taught me about love and responsibility and loss, that I had to be that sad. There is not enough affection in the world, I fear. So I'm really sorry, it does get better. But you should never be afraid to remember or feel sad about your loss. When you are ready get another cat, if you can. There are millions that need love.
posted by Divine_Wino 24 June | 23:08
weretable, four years is so short. I have lost three cats before two years of age. Two of them black cats and one of them Manx. There is no good reason to be found. I am just happy Bear had a home and was cared for.

The red cat who roamed with my two cats and the white cat, father of one of them, never had a home and did not survive the winter after my cats moved in. It is wonderful that Bear was loved and it is sad that you lost her and I am sure that we all wish you well.

Take care.
posted by arse_hat 24 June | 23:39
.

Deep peace to you.
posted by moonbird 25 June | 00:40
I'm so sorry. Remember that you gave her a good home and lots of love, and made life good for one sweet creature on this earth. *hugs*
posted by scody 25 June | 00:48
The goodness of you loving Bear and taking care of her has balanced up little of the bad karma in the universe.

In time, another cat will come along, into the cat-shaped hole Bear has left in your life. The cat will find you when the time is right.
posted by essexjan 25 June | 03:41
I am so sorry.

I remember years ago when the first hamster we owned died...actually we had to take it to the vet to be put to sleep as well-I cried for literally three days. I was so mad at myself, crying over a HAMSTER.

But as the vet wisely said, love has no size.

posted by bunnyfire 25 June | 05:08
Deepest condolences, were.
posted by mike9322 25 June | 07:28
I read the last two threads and just didn't know what to say, other than I'm so sorry. There are two pets I've lost in my life that I can't talk about to this day (10-12 years later) without crying like a child.

It's okay to be in pain, and it's okay to still have that twinge years later. It's part of what makes us human.
posted by Medieval Maven 25 June | 11:10
Hugs, weretable. It's a hard, hard thing, losing a pet, and nothing will make it better but time.
posted by mygothlaundry 25 June | 11:24
The length of time says nothing to the huge place she had in your heart. Four years or fourteen really makes no difference. She was yours, she was loved, and she was special. I've had several different cats in my life, all came to me as strays or cast-offs. They were/are all wonderful personalities, but there's this one who stood out. I had her from the day she was born, literally, and enjoyed her quirks for 13 years. She played like a kitten even the night before she died. But we woke up one morning, and she was breathing fast and deep. The vet said congestive heart failure. We could do tests, which may or may not show anything of use, or we could end her suffering. I held her as she slipped away (my vet was wonderful, and gave us time alone before the end). That was nearly two years ago, and I'm still tearing up over it. So, grieve. As long as you need to. You will be able to remember her without pain in the future, but don't let anyone tell you "she was just a cat." There is no such thing. Please take care.
posted by redvixen 25 June | 14:50
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