MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and
chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.
I'm really in love with my boyfriend of 7 years, but he just won't propose! I'm thinking of getting pregnant "on accident" to hurry him along. Should I do it, Capn?
TPS, yes, but you don't need to actually get "in the family way", just tell him you are preggers then start putting progressively larger pillows under your shirt. Of course to maintain the ruse, you'll have to deny him access to your, ahem, nile delta, but excuse this with your delicate condition, and get a little pool boy on the side.
Jonmc, the wind has blown them to the top of the spire on the Empire State Building but, mirabile dictum, they have picked up a winning lottery ticket along the way.
You must get them back, it's time to get King Kong. Let no man stop you!
So this weekend coming up, my husband and I are going to visit someone. We have to stay in a hotel. One costs 69.00 a night, and has all negative reviews on Orbitz (gummy floors, sticky carpets, smells like cigarette smoke, highway noise, blood on the sheets...) and the other is 59.00 a night and has a perfect review score, plus huge rooms, quiet private balconies overlooking a reflective garden, an indoor pool, free wifi, and free breakfast. Which one should I pick? I'm so torn.
dabitch, if by "the turtle", you mean "a large home-insurance policy" then yes. However, if by "the turtle", you mean "the turtle", then no, turtles are related to The Salamander, and can thus survive termendous tempratures. The sheliding tiles on the Apollo mission return craft were made of tortoise shell
iconomy, neither, stay with family, it is the economical and 100% completely stress free way to spend a vacation (note: only travel to places where you have family)
Should I go with the Marvel comics bandaid or the Sesame Street bandaid to cover up the hideous sore on my ankle? Or, conversely, should I just take a sharpie, draw a circle around it with arrows and clever comments such as OMG!! Teh GROSSOR!?
MGL, recently scientists have been rediscovering the efficacy medical leeches. You though, you will be ahead of the curve if you experiment with medical brown recluse spiders.
Whatever you do, don't use an Aqua-Man bandaid... gaaaaaaaay!
A suitor recently proposed going out on a date with me by scrawling my name and assorted death threats in blood on the front porch of my Nana's house. Should I telephone the police, or give this persistent fellow a chance? He wants to take me to the Badlands for our first outing, and asked that I meet him alone, without my cell phone or any identification, in the deserted sugar factory across town.
You really like my limousine: you like the way the wheels roll. You like my seven inch leather heels and goin' to all of the shows. You like the credit cards and private planes; money can really take you far. You like the hotels and fancy clothes, and the sound of electric guitars. You really like rock 'n' roll: all of the fame and the masquerade. You like the concerts and studios and all the money, honey, that I make. Your backstage pass and black sunglasses make you look just like a queen; even the fans, they know your face from all of the magazines, but do you love me?
I want you to; I need you to. And you know I'm so tired of everybody sayin' it. And you know, I just gotta know if you really really really, really love me, so come on, do you love me? I need you to. Do you love me? I want you to. Do you love me? I need you. Really love me? I wanna know. Do you love me? Do you? Do you?
Do you love me? I just got to have some love. I just got to have some love. I just got to have some love, love, love, love, love.
SassHat, are you insane?! Possibly even in your membrane?! A lady of your calibre shouldn't let a suitor "get to the sugar factory" on the first date. Demand that he take you somewhere nice for the first two dates. Like the abandoned amusement park, or Big Ted's Bandsaw And Ropes Warehouse.
Hugh, tonight, I wanna see it in your eyes, feel the magic, it's something that drives me wild, and tonight, we're gonna make it all come true 'cause Hugh you were made for me... and Hugh, I was made for you.
safteyfork, if you ignore it, it will only get worse. An old Capn family home remedy for a sore throat is to scream at the top of your lungs for 15 minutes out of every hour until it clears up. This should be combined with some aerobic exercize if possible, running would be best. Of course summer's coming on, and you don't want to get your work clothes sweaty, so you'd better take them off.
carmina, like it or not, North Ham-ericans aren't really that in to soccer. To trick them in to the threads, replace every instance of the word "soccer" with the word "cricket" and watch the posts roll in!
box, annex the Sudetenland, claim that you need the leibenstraum.
FACT: I could only remember "leibenstraum" phonetically, so I typed it in to google to get a spelling correction, turns out I got it right on the first try.
I have a date with a nice young lady I've long had my eye on. I've asked her to meet me at an abandoned sugar factory ("sugar" see? It's like a sweet, secret little message from me!), and I've already left her a creatively crafted love note that should grab her attention. What more can I do to prove to her that she is my one and only soulmate, reincarnated from my first girlfriend who tragically disappeared without a trace back in the '70s?
sciurus, why are you squirrels always so concerned with your nuts? Anyway, the answer is SPURMAX! Send me your creditcard information and I will order you some, I know a guy that can get it cheap
taz, match-maker, match-maker make me a match! If you did not decode the secret message in the previous sentence, I will give you a hint: get some matches and burn her house down, this bright shining manifestation of your love can not help buy win the lady fair
Capn, what should I do for dinner tonight?
posted by box 19 June | 13:06 box, annex the Sudetenland, claim that you need the leibenstraum.
posted by Capn 19 June | 13:11
That is one of the funniest things I have read ever I think.
Capn, I don't feel like taking Sophie to her soccer practice tonight. It might rain. Is there anything I can do to make sure it rains, or alternately, anything else I can do to get out of going to this practice?
richat, you live within driving distance of the SNO don't you? Let me put it this way, that's a deep mine, and it's an underground neutrino detector, not an underground little-girl-in-a-soccer-uniform detector *wink*.
also, how much vomiting is too much? The spaghetti coming out of my nose was painful enough, but now I'm pretty sure I didn't eat anything that looked like that. Is there a really bad flu going around or what?
jonmc, you were actually let go, with 4 months severance over a month ago, but no one told your boss until a week ago, and he's to embarassed to bring it up now, so he's just going to let you work through the 4 months (whereupon he is scheduled to leave the company with a 6 figure golden parachute) and then leave a note stuck to your monitor
elizard, did you know that the Chinese use the same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity'? And that they also use that same word for 'egg noodles, but a different kind of egg noodles' and 'doorstop'? A zany people indeed. But that's neither here nor there.
Destiny is calling you on the big white phone and it's your turn to drive the porcelain bus to riches! People will give good valid credit card numbers to watch a naked woman throwing up over the internet.
matildaben, to simpliy your life, you'll need a plan, and to make a plan, you'll need a new planning outfit. Go down to the local big box bookstore and buy all the fashion magazines they have. Take them home, absorb their advice, maybe make a scrapbook of useful articles and pictures and thus prepare the perfect planning outfit. Once you've got that figured out, you'll need to buy it, but you don't want to go out clothes shopping by yourself, call up your girlfriends, why not make a weekend of it, go to a spa or something too. Anyway, now that you've got your planning outfit, head down to the Office Depot or whatever and get PLANNING SUPPLIES. Binders, paperclips, colored folders, pens, pencils, drawers with smaller drawers in them, stickers, markers, highlighters, a whiteboard, make it two, you probably need a new desk! Oh no, it'll never fit in the old office, you'll have to have it re-done. Look in the yellowpages for contractors, get compedtive quotes, consider doing some of the work yourself. Might as well have the bathroom done at the same time, get a discount... once you've got all this done, write back, and I will tell you how to continue to simplify your life.
I'm thinking of tattoing my new boyfriend's name on my back. But I want it to be completely DIY. Should I use ink from my Crayola Washables, or from the cracked ballpoint I found down near Lake Ontario? Also, what type of needle or stabbing tool should I use?
Smart Dalek, a lot of people say 'the children are our future and must their innocence must be preserved', but I'm happy to see you actually did something about it. Ignore the calls from the bank, you have a contract with them and there's nothing they can do. They're probably just trying to squeeze you for more money
dobbs, the best way to impress a man with your business-like manner is a firm and shake and to look him in the eye. Squeeze as hard as you can for as long as you can and look him unflinchingly the whole time
Capn, I am still at work. Well, by still at work I mean I left work to go to the Pub to quickly drink three pints of John Smiths, and have now returned to do some important updates.
My question is... The software I recompiled, should I just release it, or should I back up the old version first? It seems to work... I mean, what could go wrong?
*actually in this situation right now... careful, seanyboy... careful****
pips, in the early 90's, I listened to Nirvana's Bleach pretty much non-stop, and often considered dying my hair green, it's perfectly normal and nothing to worry about.
As for your other question... you know the scene in Dr. Strangelove where Slim Pickin's rides the atom bomb? Like that, but try to buck a bit more
SassHat, I've seen this kind of thing done, it takes a bit of work, but it's certianly within your grasp. What you need to do is get a sheet of plywood, and hammer nails in to it in the shape of the tatoo you want. Then file the nails to sharp points, and cover them with whatever dye you're using (I know you asked specifically what dye, but it doesn't really matter. Food coloring works best). Then lie on the board and do a few reverse crunches. It'll hurt, sure, but love always hurts
seanyboy, as re: getting with me, my advice to you is the same as my advice to dobbs, squeeze as hard as you can for as long as you can and look me unflinchingly in the eye the whole time.
As re drawing attention to your no doubt just and unfairly ignored cause, no one has ever blown up a celebrity chef on live television. Think of the impact.
Capn, sometimes type-A executives shake my hand and squeeze too hard. Luckily decades of computer nerdery and violin playing have made my fingers like clamps. Usually I crush their hands back, which surprises them. Is there any other way that I can casually emasculate a testosterone-drunk VP in front of the board of directors? Thanks!
chewatadistance, sadly a court order bars me from using a sledgehammer, but I would be happy to recommend a contractor in your area who is none too concerned with tax law and able to stay awake all night, if you know what I mean
seanyboy, re software: it is a well known fact that today's compilers are pretty much perfect, if there was a problem with your program, it would have caught it and issued a warning. Release!
As re: quitting my job, yes, it was a good thing, it gives me time to work on my upcoming memoir: You're all jerks and I despise you. Look for it on bookshelves this fall
danf, there are other people on this site way more qualified to talk about New York than I, but from what I understand, the charmingly rustic and backwards ways of this small town can be confounding to first time visitors. Also, civic oversight of authorities isn't always what it should be in these backwaters. Make sure you always have a large roll of cash on you, and offer a bribe to any police officer or civic official you see, immetiately mind you, don't wait for them to start the transaction or the price will go up.
hellbient, get a so-called ghetto-blaster style portable radio, tune in a salsa station and turn it up to 11. The latin rythms will keep you alert and focused and your co-workers will thank you
As re: quitting my job, yes, it was a good thing, it gives me time to work on my upcoming memoir: You're all jerks and I despise you. Look for it on bookshelves this fall
agropyron, given that Capn has stated that he will probably do this again next month, there really only one reasonable course of action for you to take, hack his account password and post a reply saying that he will answer questions in this thread as long as people want to post them. As a man of honour, he will be duty-bound to follow through
Dear Capn: I hope I am not too late - I am desperate. How can I diplomatically tell my client from hell that his taste sucks, his ideas are shallow, his wife is a shrew, and at least three quarters of his workforce is just waiting for an opportunity to sue him. Did I mention that when he eats, half the meal winds up in his beard? Don't say to sever the relationship ... baby needs shoes.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
