Wow. Too bad I switched to black tea long before I quit drinking alcohol.

Thank goodness I quit drinking alcohol before I got cirrhosis. Now all I have to worry about is the effect of all the coffee I drink.

Caffeine also inhibits the depletion of the memory binding agents that alcohol effects, causing "blackouts."

Sweet! Time to move up from 2 cups a day to 4!

Coffee has more natural antioxidant compounds in it, by weight, than any food except chocolate. Also, despite being one of the most heavily studied foods in all of history, no one's ever proven that it does anything bad. (The fact that people who drink more than 10 cups of coffee a day are more at risk for bladder and lung cancer is almost certainly attributable to the fact that most of those people smoke tobacco.)

In short: go coffee!

Well, damn... and here I am liking beer but disliking coffee.

Maybe they'll find a similar effect from tea, before I drop dead.

Good news. I'll have to stock up on some Bushmills and whipped cream.

So that's why my grandfather is still alive...

Uh, knock wood.

And stuff.

This is the best fucking news EVER. Now if only they'd discover that compulsive masturbation cuts the harmful effects of smoking cigarettes....