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Yo, LT, I fight the flight urge every day here. Your decision is the right one, whether we see you again or not. The place really caves in on you sometimes, huh? Like I want to put an electric carving knife through my temple. It's fucking demanding. Then you get most days where it's wonderful and you don't feel pressure from anywhere, and it's amazing fun; I wouldn't trade it for the world. Then again, I don't always like myself, and I sometimes resent it when others do. Laying claim and shit. And then you have times when some illusion you had about the people, or the place, is totally fucking shattered and you realize everybody comes here for a slightly different reason, but most assume that everybody's here for the same reason, or people like to unconditionally and uncritically support others' reasons, or maybe I'm revealing a little too much here about how I love and hate myself and so nobody should be surprised if I love and hate them a little bit, too. Same goes for just about everything in my life, including Mecha.
Damn, Hugh, that was like when you told your girlfriend the biggest reason you loved her was that she wasn't very pretty. Dear reader, if you're offended by my thoughts, imagine how dreadful it is to hold a whirring carving knife up to your head while you decide to hit post.
LT- I don't know you, so..sorry to presume, but Metachat is just lovely in small doses, too. You don't have to live here to enjoy these fine people. DO stay.
I may need a break is all - this place has enormous real estate in my head as it is, and I think I'm getting too attached to it. (example: one of my acting buddies name is Nick, and then I wonder what his nick is - not a good sign.)
I've gone from actively resisting this place and thinking it silly when I first heard about it to getting tattoos of the zombiehaid.
It is a weird vibe sometimes, Hugh, most definitely. I'm amazed at how much I care about people I've never even spoken to or even seen in real life here.
regretful (that I cut off my cable before the World Cup, not after)
hopeful (that self-employment will work out like I want it to)
anxious (that instead, it'll bite me in the ass and I'll end up living out of a shopping cart)
(also feeling empty-armed, 'cause I'd like to give LT a big ol' hug right now)
dancing (I just got my copy of Waits' Real Gone back, and 'Hoist that Rag' is the best damned kitchen-dancing song ever. In fact, I'm going to play it again.)
Network analysis final in critical condition, mathematical sociology most likely preparing an ambush, paper overdue from last quarter is behaving... for now; thesis inscrutable.
P.S. LT, there is nothing wrong with taking a break if you want to. I'm on a break right now from a group blog I've been on for five years, and that's my second or third break. I think all bloggers take breaks. Go, hang out in the big room with the blue ceiling, and try not to worry.