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01 June 2006

Life Lessons from the Old-Timers! [More:] Today I'm feeling really angst-ridden and pissed off at myself. Ever since I turned 38, I've been feeling philosophical, and a bit unsure of What It All Means.

So today I'd like to hear from folks within spitting distance of the Big 40 or beyond, who you thought you were back in the day and who are you now, and any lessons you've picked up or stories you'd like to share. Feel free to comment as your Inner Child or your Protective Parent if you like.
I turned 31 on Saturday, so it feels like 40's within spittin' distance, and I can pretty confidently say I haven't learned anything yet.
posted by Capn 01 June | 14:14
In tying in with today's MetaTheme of Deadwood, I give you this:

"Including last night, that’s three f*cking damage incidents that didn’t kill you. Pain or damage don’t end the world, or despair or fucking beatin’s. The world ends when you’re dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man — and give some back."
posted by keswick 01 June | 14:14
4 1/2 years till 40 here, and I don't feel that much different from when I was 16, except I have more cool stories to tell. Although, a few months back, a young girl in a bar called me "Dad."
posted by jonmc 01 June | 14:16
Over 40, not liking it much.
posted by mygothlaundry 01 June | 14:19
Word Up keswick, Swearingen reminds me of my mean old Swedish grandma. "Cry when you're dead. Life is pain."
posted by Divine_Wino 01 June | 14:24
Die young, stay pretty.

No, it's not really that bad, but honestly all that wisdom I'm supposed to have accumulated? All those charming life stories? All those feelings of competence and energy and joy and great peace that I should be experiencing according to O and other magazines aimed at the women of a certain age market? Not here. Not happening yet. May not ever happen at this rate. But then I haven't really achieved anything much with my life so that might be why I haven't got much good to say about the Middle Ages.

As far as I can see, the cramps get worse, you gain weight if you eat more than like 15 calories a day, you run out of breath, your hair is full of gray, you are too old to keep it gangsta (although it is kind of fun to watch children wince when you carefully mispronounce their slang), you get hungover on nothing, your knees hurt when you have to stand up too long at a concert, you have to wear reading glasses, you are eyed askance by HR people who are 10 years younger than you and, adding insult to injury, all this is just going to get worse AND you still have 25 years to go before the senior citizen discounts kick in. Oh, and by "you" I mean "me."
posted by mygothlaundry 01 June | 14:28
Keswick, that is my favorite Deadwood line ever.

I'm 34, so 40s still a bit of a ways off. But I'm finally really starting to "get" mortality and fully understanding that everyone I love is going to die on me is a BITCH of a realization.
posted by jrossi4r 01 June | 14:30
There's a fuckin' Deadwood theme?
posted by Miko 01 June | 14:31
Of course, turning 70, that's fun. You get to hike your undershorts up to your neck, ramble incoherently and smell bad and nobody cares.
posted by jonmc 01 June | 14:32
It all means nothing. Party like the rock star you never were. (I'm 37).

I got carded the other day and the girl was like "no WAY! NO WAY! I thought you were like. . .TWENTY. . .EIGHT?!?" and I got all offended, like, that's not nearly young enough.

Then I realized how stupid that was.

Sorry to sound flip, but I think I had my midlife crisis a few years ago. I simply realized that We Are All Going To Die. All the people I love, and the dog, and the cat, and me. And it's not fair and it freaked me out for a long time. The Chill Blaines, The Willies, I would think myself into fits. It passed.

Now I'd like to say I seize the moments more, and actually, I do. I also execute my societal duties with as much dignity as I can muster by acting like I give a fuck. Unless I simply can't manage that.
posted by rainbaby 01 June | 14:32
When not paralyzed by the crappityness of now, i'm in awe of what might happen next.
posted by ethylene 01 June | 14:34
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's revolving...
posted by Miko 01 June | 14:35
I just want to sleep.
posted by gaspode 01 June | 14:36
At 44 I can say that each decade has just been better than the one before. My girlfriend's parents are driving 600 miles to visit us next week and they are 84 and 86. Gives me hope.
posted by arse_hat 01 June | 14:36
Just turned 42. I don't particularly like getting older, especially the arthritic knees part, but I enjoy being a grownup very much -- in fact, while of course I like being carded, who doesn't, I don't otherwise care for it when people assume I'm much younger than I am and treat me accordingly, as if I'm a sweet young thing just starting out in life.

I feel nowadays like I have a much better understanding of what kind of lifestyle I want to have. I have long given up being upset that I couldn't decide what to do for a "career" and am content to have a job that I can for the most part stand and that produces much vacation and comp time. I own my house and can do whatever I want with it. I do worry a bit about having enough money to live on when I'm elderly.

I don't like watching my mother and siblings getting older, and of course I'd give up all my merry independence to have my father back alive, but that's the way it goes for us all.

Favorite Age-Related Moment Since Turning 40: my boyfriend's 22-year-old daughter said she was "surprised" I like The Simpsons, because "most grownups don't."
posted by JanetLand 01 June | 14:39
But seriously, come on chums, buck up! It's not so bad. All the folks here saying they haven't gained any wisdom...just look in other threads, you'll find plenty of their wisdom. Of course it's worth hanging in for. Of course we're all gonna die...that's the beautiful thing -- the gaurantee of death is about the one universally fair element in life. Life itself is a terminal illness. So it's what you do with the available time that means something.

Getting older is hard-ish, because it's a change. You're born, you spend your whole life growing, getting better at things, getting more powerful and stronger and more self-directed, and then one day you realize "hey, I'm at the top of the curve." From here on, things might get harder, results will be less easy to achieve, joints may ache, endurance may deteriorate. But there's no reason to sign off. I'm happier now (and in better shape) than when I was 26. I am trying to recognize that now, and for maybe the next 10-12 years or so, I'm going to be in the prime of life. Still young enough to do what I'd like to, old enough to do it smartly, and my body works well right now and, lord willing and the creek don't rise, should be OK at least into my 60s if I take care of it. So I'm trying to enjoy it, rather than let it pass by, only to find myself 65 and moaning "Why did I let the good years go by while wallowing in ennui?"
posted by Miko 01 June | 14:40
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's revolving...

Great. Now I'm dizzy, too.
posted by jonmc 01 June | 14:47
... and remember to get the good stuff in before your balls really start to sag.
posted by ethylene 01 June | 14:48
Gee, now i feel better. Not so much like an ermous amount of crap that's been forced into a container for a much smaller amount of crap.
posted by ethylene 01 June | 14:52
ermous = enormous
but for nor
*sigh*
posted by ethylene 01 June | 14:53
There's good points, and bad points. I don't have the leisure to explain further right now.
posted by matildaben 01 June | 15:28
You know you've reached that point when you're walking down the street and there's a good-looking mother/daughter pair and you can't make up your mind between the two.

You know you are far past that point when it doesn't make any difference.

You know you haven't reached that point if you only look at the daughter -- you young fool.
posted by warbaby 01 June | 15:28
As far as I can see, the cramps get worse, you gain weight if you eat more than like 15 calories a day, you run out of breath, your hair is full of gray, you are too old to keep it gangsta (although it is kind of fun to watch children wince when you carefully mispronounce their slang), you get hungover on nothing, your knees hurt when you have to stand up too long at a concert, you have to wear reading glasses, you are eyed askance by HR people who are 10 years younger than you and, adding insult to injury, all this is just going to get worse AND you still have 25 years to go before the senior citizen discounts kick in. Oh, and by "you" I mean "me."

And if you're really lucky, you'll have the fantastically beautiful boy you've been talking about music with as you wait for the main act to come on tell you "I wish my mom was as cool as you!"

On the other hand, you don't care as much anymore, because you know all about fantastically beautiful boys and their follies and charms, and their beauty no longer really holds any compelling mystery for you. But you sigh, a little bit, just because.

mgl, you have kids, who from everything I can gather sound like wonderful people. Don't say you haven't done much with your life.
posted by jokeefe 01 June | 16:24
47 and it is still good.

Take care of yourself. Slow down a bit. The glasses don't quite work as well to fix things as they used to.

The fucking is still good, and is better in some ways.

However, you become invisible to young folks. But, if they catch you looking they think you are an old creep.

Life is for living. Get off the damn computer and go outside.

Kids!
posted by sarah connor 01 June | 16:24
I'm only 33, so I don't quality to post in this thread, but I'm with arse_hat:

At 44 I can say that each decade has just been better than the one before.

posted by agropyron 01 June | 16:59
Guys I don't know don't slap me in the ass anymore, but the ones I do know make up for it. : )

Forty's 'bout six weeks away for me... Bastille Day -- Heads will roll!
posted by Pips 01 June | 18:37
I'm going to be 42 this summer, and I can't say I really feel any older than when I was 25. I think I am calmer in many ways, and I suppose I have less tolerance for certain things. I think the biggest loss I have is that of hope for the future. I don't mean in the way of global warming or war or anything like that, but the feeling like when you're first going to college and the whole world is opening for you, or when you buy your first house. I'm over 40 now and I can't be one of the precocious young guys anymore. There are other things that are different, but nothing that bothers me or makes me think "OMG I'm 40!!!!" People are people and life goes on.
posted by eekacat 01 June | 18:47
I KNOW lots of people over 40, does that count?

The single women are all pretty happy. The single men are less so, but the ones who haven't resorted to self-mdication and have work they enjoy seem to do ok. Men, more so than women (in my experience), seem to feel much less happy if they are poor.

I've sure seen a lot of >40 bodies. Both sexes look better if they carry a bit of extra weight; it fills out the creases.


Tattoos sure do some funny things. :) If you have a tat on a place with fat (boobs, upperarms, butt, belly, etc, it's going to torque unless you singlemindedly work on not changing shape.

There's the benefit of being much less surprised... ever.

posted by reflecked 01 June | 19:03
The single women are happy if they're gettin' some.

The main thing I'm seeing, rounding the corner from 30's to 40's, is feeling like the material security concerns are mostly taken care of and wanting to spend more energy on the meaning-of-life, doing-the-world-good concerns - kind of like the early 20s but more realistic and reasonable. But maybe that's because I know I'm not going to have kids so I have to impact the larger world in some way. It's not explicitly about mortality, but it is kind of about having some effect on the world that may still do some good after I'm not in it anymore.
posted by matildaben 01 June | 19:24
I'm going to give you the best advice on this subject you ever got, like EVAR, right here, right now: Every time thoughts of age starting creeping in, immediately stop what you're doing and do 10 crunches. Or floss. Or scrub the toilet.

That's the only way these thoughts will ever be useful to you, I promise. Other than that, just stay openminded and keep the synapses firing. I have spoken.
posted by taz 02 June | 04:24
I'm going to give you the best advice on this subject you ever got, like EVAR, right here, right now: Every time thoughts of age starting creeping in, immediately stop what you're doing and do 10 crunches. Or floss. Or scrub the toilet.

That's the only way these thoughts will ever be useful to you, I promise. Other than that, just stay openminded and keep the synapses firing. I have spoken.


That is indeed really, really good advice, taz. *flosses, cleans toilet, goes to gym*
posted by jokeefe 03 June | 13:00
Fargin' Corksuckers! || What is it about families?

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